Life Circles
by Angry Warrior
Summary: This goes through the series and changes it a little. Makes more sense to me how the relationships went and builds a back story for some of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

Life Circles

1\. Youthful Indiscretion

J/P, J/C

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Length: 5171 words

Summary: The beiginning, 20 Years before Voyager even launched. J/P, J/C

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

Kathryn looked at her 'boyfriend'; she supposed she should call him.

She had babysat him when they were both younger, but for some reason when they hit high school: things changed.

She no longer looked at him as the blond baby boy of Admiral Paris, she no longer saw him as a child acting out to save his reputation: now he was a man.

And a hot man: time had been kind to him.

She stared at her limp hair: red-auburn, 'Annie reincarnate'. Her small stature: not a woman yet, and her baby blues: the only thing that she knew for a fact was attractive on a woman.

Big blue eyes, looking out over a freckled face as the sun came out and changed her colouring.

Unlike the buxom blonds that she would see parading around Starfleet headquarters, she was rather plain looking.

Then one day, a tutoring session: him three years her junior - and needing the intelligence she possessed. Then as she bent over the books he had kissed her.

First one freckle, then another until he made his way to her lips: and enjoy it she did.

Her mind was telling her he was no more than a child, but as she looked at his strong shoulders and eyes possessing knowledge beyond their years...she lost control.

As his hand reached for the clasp of her bra, her mind screamed out how wrong it was.

Her heart disagreed.

The boy she had known and loved since the day he was born had become a man.

She had never in her life been touched by a man like this; her a mere 17 years old and him 14...revelling in teenage wonderment.

As he pulled the shirt over his head and she watched the bulge in his pants increase, she lost all thoughts of right and wrong and got lost in the moment.

The clothes came off, and teenage fumbling became a special moment in time that neither would ever forget. The loss of virginity and of innocence: a moment in time.

[5 weeks later]

Kathryn looked at herself in the mirror, she looked like hell: she felt even worse.

Not having been able to keep her breakfast down for a week now, she was three days late: Admiral Paris was going to kill her. Admiral Janeway was going to be so disappointed. All the other admirals were going to see the end of a dream.

Her father was possibly the last 'Admiral Janeway'.

A baby for Kathryn under the age of 20, she could hear it now:

'How could you be so irresponsible?'

'I expected more from you Kathryn.'

'I thought Phoebe was the daughter I'd have to worry about.'

She let the tears fall as her hand fell to her belly. "I'm so sorry baby; I'm just not sure I can take proper care of you right now: Having you might ruin your life and mine."

Kathryn sighed and knew what she had to do. She knew deep down she could not have this baby, but was that the way she was raised?

[2 hours later]

She stared at the wall of her family doctor's office. She knew what the doctor was going to say before he re-entered the office. He had taken tests; he had run the tricorder over her: he had looked at her disappointed that something had brought her to this point.

The doctor walked through to doors and he stared at Kathryn. "You're pregnant."

Kathryn looked down, even though she had known it was true - she had known for a couple of weeks - but she still needed a scientific confirmation.

She looked into the doctor's eyes, "Doctor, I can't have this baby."

The doctor nodded as if he had expected a response like that from the great Kathryn Janeway: A girl who was destined for greatness and would follow everyone's expectations no matter what. "You know you have options and I'm sure you've probably spent the last week agonizing over them; the father has to know."

Kathryn nodded; she would see him later that night at the tutoring session. "Kathryn I have scheduled your appointment for next week, whether it be pre-natal or termination, it's your choice. You are a minor but the pregnancy emancipates you, so the choice is yours."

Kathryn nodded, knowing she wasn't going to get someone to give her 'orders': all this man was giving her were choices.

But she didn't want choices, like science and math she wanted right and wrong.

Kathryn went home and 20 minutes later she was sitting in her room letting the tears fall, giving way to emotions that she normally didn't allow herself feel: guilt, inadequacy, and stupidity at the mistake she had made.

Then the doorbell rang and she wiped the tears from her eyes; Tom seeing her like this would do nothing to help matters. There was a knock on the door and her father appeared. He knew her, he knew her well. "My little goldenbird, I don't know what's going on but whatever it is...I know it's hurting you deeply. Know that both your mother and I are here for you no matter what."

Kathryn nodded. "And Katie, Tom's here for his tutoring session. Do you need a minute or do you want me to send him in?"

Kathryn nodded, "Yeah send him in daddy: I'm okay."

Admiral Janeway nodded at his daughter. "Okay Kathryn, but remember we're here for you."

Five minutes later Tom walked in with his book bag and looked at Kathryn. "Kathryn, are you okay?"

Kathryn sighed, "We need to talk Tom."

He looked at her perplexed thinking that one of his teachers had spoken to her about his behaviour. "Okay –"

She pulled him over to sit at the loveseat in her bedroom, where a night six weeks ago, memories had been made. Tom sat down and she looked at him and saw the child she had known for years not the man she had known for one night. She drew in a deep breath, "Tom, remember what happened a month ago?"

Tom got the cocky grin on his face that she saw and knew was a cover for fear and some deep seeded need to please people.

She grabbed his hand. "Tom, I need to tell you something."

Tom laughed, "What you're dumping me?"

She looked at him seriously, "I'm pregnant."

Kathryn didn't think she'd ever seen him speechless, but at that moment he was. "I beg your pardon?"

Kathryn almost laughed at the perplexed look on his face. "I'm pregnant Tom: our little dalliance had lasting repercussions."

She repeated her previous revelation, "I'm pregnant. I'm going to have your baby."

"On the first time, see I can't even manage to have sex right."

Kathryn took his hand, "One way or the other this is something we're going to have to deal with."

Tom nodded. He looked at her. "Can you picture us with a baby?"

Kathryn sighed, "No I can't, but I needed to get your opinion before I did anything."

Tom just stared at her. "In the end it's your decision."

Kathryn bowed her head: yet again she had no help, just decisions.

[6 days later]

Kathryn sat in the doctor's office. Aside from Tom she had told no one.

She wanted to minimize the damage. She was going to get rid of this child, she couldn't raise a baby. She was not even 20 years old.

She stared at the pictures around the walls: Picture of babies, pictures of ultrasounds; women around her happily awaiting the birth of their children.

She stared at the poems adorning the wall. One poem hit her harder than the rest:

This little tiny baby

Was sent from God above

To fill our hearts with happiness

And touch our lives with love

He must have known

We'd give our all

And always do our best

To give our precious baby love

And be grateful and so blessed

She looked at all the happy couples, all the hopeful mothers-to-be and before she could consciously make the decision she bolted.

[3 hours later]

Just sitting there: She didn't care. She hadn't spoken to anyone since entering the Janeway grounds.

Phoebe came out to get her: Her annoying baby sister. She let a tear fall and her sister, not even 12 walked up to her and said, "What's wrong Kath?"

Kathryn looked at her little sister, "Too many decisions, and not enough time."

Phoebe looked at her confused. "Now you're confusing me Kathryn."

Kathryn shook her head, "Never mind Phoebe. So why did you come looking for me?"

"Oh, dad told me to get you for supper."

Kathryn stared at her sister, "Give me a minute, and then I'll be in."

Phoebe nodded and proceeded towards the farmhouse.

Kathryn let her head fall in her hands and the tears fall. She was going to be a mother: to a child she would never raise.

Kathryn finally walked into the farmhouse and saw her family sitting at the table awaiting her arrival. She took her mother's hand and looked at her father. "Mom, Dad...I have something I need to tell you."

Gretchen's eyes stared back: so much like Kathryn's own waiting for the other shoe to drop. "What's wrong honey?"

Kathryn took a deep breath, "I'm not sure how to tell you this," She paused almost losing her nerve, but in all honesty it wasn't something she could hide for much longer. She looked at her father but refused to meet his eyes, "I'm pregnant."

Gretchen looked at her surprised. "Kathryn, did something happen?"

Kathryn looked confused, "You mean was I raped? No, nothing like that: just teenage stupidity I guess."

Edward stared at his daughter, his little goldenbird. "What does the father have to say about this?"

Leave it to her father to bluntly get to the point. "He says...no matter what...it's my decision."

Admiral Janeway looked at his daughter, not her father, not her mother's husband...but Admiral Janeway: "How could you have been so careless Kathryn?"

"I don't know; it just happened?"

He looked at her, "Kathryn: who's the father?"

Kathryn felt tears welling in her eyes, he would never forgive her. She kept her mouth shut, not wanting to say it out loud.

"Kathryn?"

"Tom Paris."

Gretchen covered her mouth with her hand in surprise. "The boy you tutor?"

Her father came out, "Admiral Paris' son."

Kathryn blushed looking embarrassed. "I'm so sorry daddy."

He sighed, "What does Owen have to say about this?"

She looked at her father for the first time really looking at him, "I don't think he knows yet. I told Tom that I had to tell you first."

Edward stared at his little goldenbird. "Are you ready for this Kathryn?"

Kathryn shook her head, "I tried to terminate daddy, I went so far as to go to the clinic, but I couldn't." She shook her head at her indecision, "I don't want to ruin my life daddy: I've decided to give the baby up for adoption."

He stared at his daughter, "There will be stuff said about you dear, going through a pregnancy while still in high school, people staring at you, are you sure you're ready for that?"

Kathryn shook her head, "No, but I'm even less ready to raise a baby."

Her family looked at her and nodded in understanding. The decision had been made: Kathryn was going to be a mother.

[6 weeks later]

Kathryn had finally gotten over morning sickness. Now at almost 12 weeks, she was starting show, and even though she had not divulged the information to her classmates, it wasn't going to be long before they knew on sight that she carried a baby within her womb.

She went to quantum calculus class and sat down. She had cut down on her coffee intake considerably and it was starting to really get to her. The doctor did say however that the second trimester she wouldn't be so tired all the time.

She had fallen asleep during one of her mandatory English classes and had been more than a little embarrassed: stating that she had just been up late the night before.

She took out her padd. and started taking notes. That night she had a meeting with Owen Paris. They had yet to tell him of her impending motherhood, and she and Tom were going to make a united front.

Kathryn rang the doorbell and Tom answered it. "Hey Kath, wow you're starting to show your condition a little."

Kathryn glared at Tom. "Okay, well I hope I'm not showing too much I'd like to tell your father, not have him find out by my appearance."

Tom looked at Kathryn, "You're not showing that much and he doesn't see you every day so he probably won't notice anything different."

Tom reached over and took Kathryn's hand. "I need you to know that, I'll be here for you."

Kathryn stared at the boy in front of her, the boy who had fathered her child. She let the tears fall: "This pregnancy is going to kill me."

She drew in a deep breath and stared at Tom. "I'm sorry Tom, I can't raise this child."

Tom nodded, "I understand Kath, I screwed up my life, there's no reason for me to screw up yours as well."

She shook her head and wiped the tears away, "Tom...we're both responsible for this. I should have been on boosters; we both should have taken more time to think about what we were doing."

"Yes, but you're the one who's going to have to go through the pregnancy Kathryn, you're the one who's going to have to carry that baby, birth it, then give it up."

Kathryn looked at him, "Well thanks for stating that point for me, it is all too clear to me what I have to do."

Tom took her hand again, "I understand how hard this is for you, but we both decided this is what has to be done?"

Kathryn glared at Tom, "You understand?" She paused, "You have no idea, I'm the one who's going to have to have that baby and give it up. I'm the one who felt the baby move for the first time this morning." She took his hand and placed on the bump that was their mistake. "I can't do this alone: Your father is going to get really mad, and I need your support to get through this."

Tom pulled his hand away as if her skin was hot and had burned him. "Shall we go see the Admiral and get this over with Kathryn?"

Kathryn flattened the shirt she was wearing in the front hoping that Owen wouldn't notice anything until they had a chance tell him themselves. "Admiral, nice to see you again."

"Katie...great to have you here."

"Admiral Paris...Owen...we have to speak with you."

Paris looked at Kathryn, "What's wrong Katie? What's up with you?"

Kathryn drew in a deep breath readying herself for the explosion that was going to come. "You're going to be a granddad Owen."

Owen looked at her confused, "And you're going to be that baby's mother? That's why you're here right?"

Kathryn nodded. "But I can't keep this baby Owen, I want to but I can't."

He smiled, "But maybe I can."

Kathryn looked at him astonished, "Owen, Tom is your youngest and he's 14...do you really want to start over?"

Owen smiled, "This is my grandson, or granddaughter, and despite the fact that Tom messed up and messed up large, I'm not sure I could let you give it away to someone else."

"But Owen you're too close. I want to give her a good life outside of her torrid beginnings."

"Katie, if you give your first child up to a stranger and never see him or her again...you'll never forgive yourself."

Kathryn bowed her head and Tom looked on as the woman he had lost his virginity to, and the man who had made his life a living hell: decided his fate.

"Do I get a say in this?" Tom piped up.

Owen looked at him, "After the mess you've made for yourself and especially for Kathryn: no you don't deserve a say."

Tom turned to Kathryn, "Looks you're going to be a mother and Owen isn't going to ever let us forget that this child was our mistake."

[two months later]

Kathryn cursed the fact that she was so skinny. By now everyone knew she was pregnant, but Kathryn had kept the father's identity from everyone. No one needed to know that she had taken advantage of a child, and that's what Tom was: a child.

She sighed as she placed her hand on her belly and felt the child move. She had been to the doctor and he had said all was good with the baby. He had asked her if she wanted to know the sex and she had said no: that would make it too real.

Her parents had taken it better than expected after all was said and done. Kathryn felt the baby move and realized after the birth it would be difficult to give her up.

She knew this child was a girl. The doctor hadn't told her, she had refused to have the sex confirmed: but she knew.

She still saw Tom once a week for tutoring sessions. She remembered last week when he had seen her. "You're getting big Kath."

She glared at Tom, "Thanks Tom; thanks to you."

Tom stared into her eyes, "I'm sorry Kathryn, I never meant for it to be this way."

She looked back at him, "I know Tom; I know."

[2 months later]

At nearly six months pregnant now Kathryn was finding it harder and harder to distance herself from the child she carried. Every time the baby moved, every time she got sick in the morning or gained another pound it was more proof then she cared to have proving to her, that her son or daughter was growing happily within her womb.

She sat at her desk in her home and stared at her homework. She had discussed the situation with her teachers and made plans so that she would graduate on time and there would be no repercussions for her little mistake.

She placed a hand on her stomach and waited for Tom to get there. She had not seen the father of her child in a couple of months. They had kept as far away from each other as possible, trying to keep the relationship as professional as possible: tutor and student.

She felt her eyes welling up with tears.

Life wasn't fair.

Admiral Paris had decided that he was going to adopt the child, and make 'a better life for her'. She had discovered the child she carried was a girl. She had yet to tell anyone else, but she knew.

She spoke to the child within. "I know you'll perhaps never understand, but the reason that I'm doing what I'm doing is because I love you and I know that you can have a better life with someone else."

She let the tears run down her cheeks and her door opened to reveal Tom Paris.

What Tom saw when he entered broke his heart: Kathryn was upset over this, something awful. "Kathryn, come here."

He approached her and hugged her, noticing consciously for the first time how pregnant she really was. "I know I said this last time I saw you Kathryn, but you really look pregnant."

She was mad and was almost spitting the words at him, "You don't think I know that? Every time I feel her move, every time I get sick in the morning, every time I realize that she will be raised by your father not by you and I: I know."

Tom looked at her. He had just had his 15th birthday and felt guilty about the fact that he had had a big party, enjoyed himself while Kathryn was stuck without him in her pregnant state in a mode of self-pity. "You know Kathryn, it's better for all of us, that my father takes the child. You'll get to see the baby and you'll never be totally taken away from it."

"She: the baby I carry is a girl."

All of sudden it felt real to Tom, she was going to have his daughter. He felt her pull his hand to her stomach and he felt the baby kick him. "Oh my god: Is that our daughter?"

She glared at him, "Correction 'your sister'."

Tom stared at her, "This is really hurting you isn't it?"

"What do you think Tom? This is our child; I've had to carry her and will have to continue to do so, just so I can give her up."

"Kathryn –"

"I know it's for the best and I can't raise a child right now, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I love her already."

"Kathryn I'm so sorry, maybe you shouldn't tutor me anymore."

Kathryn stared at him incredulous, "I need that credit Tom. You've already disrupted my school year; I'm not letting you take this away from me too."

Tom watched as her 'Irish Temper' took control. "I'm sorry Kathryn, that's not what I meant."

Kathryn sighed, trying to get her emotions in check. "I'm sorry Tom; this has just been really hard on me."

"Shhh...It's okay. I promise I'll try to make this is as painless for you as possible."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "If there is one thing I know about childbirth: it's far from painless."

They both shared in a small chuckle, and the tutoring began.

[Two and half months later – Janeway house]

"Mom, I can't possibly get much bigger." It was summer now and the children were away from school for the break, and Kathryn was nearing her time.

"Honey, two weeks and then this will all be over." Gretchen patted her daughter on the shoulder. When she had been told that Kathryn was pregnant, she had been aghast with the news. Her little seventeen (now 18) year old goldenbird was going to be a mother.

Kathryn had taken everything and made it work. She had graduated from her final year of high school with high honours, she had gotten into the academy come the fall, and she had found someone to adopt the child.

She had taken everything in stride, but she wished she hadn't had to watch her daughter go through this. Now at 38 weeks, the child had dropped low, and Gretchen was sure it wouldn't be much longer now.

Kathryn had complained about backaches especially in the past two weeks, and if what Gretchen thought was going to happen was going to happen, Kathryn would have a healthy baby before the end of the week.

"Katie, stop pacing you're making me nervous."

"I can't help it my back is killing me; and it's getting worse."

She looked sympathetically at her daughter, "What does it feel like?"

"Well it just hurts like a son of a bitch, and then it stops, it's getting really frustrating."

"What do you mean it hurts and then stops?"

"I mean like every couple of minutes my back will seize up and then it stops."

Gretchen got a concerned look on her face, "How often does this happen sweetie?"

Kathryn glared at her mother, "I don't know every five minutes or so."

Gretchen beckoned her over. "Come here, let me feel what your back is doing, maybe I can help you."

Kathryn succumbed to her mother's wishes and walked over to where she sat at the kitchen table. Her breath caught as it began all over again. "God mom, what the hell is going on?"

Gretchen felt the muscles in Kathryn's back tighten last for about a minute then release. "Kathryn, I hate to tell you this dear but I think you're in labour."

Kathryn's eyes got wide, "But I'm two weeks early."

Gretchen gave her a hug, "its okay, anytime after 36 weeks the baby normally turns out fine."

Kathryn all of a sudden got panicked, "I can't be in labour, I'm not ready, I'm two weeks early, and we don't KNOW I'm in labour."

Gretchen walked up to Kathryn and hugged her, "You'll do fine Kathryn: I promise. Perhaps we should call the doctor."

Kathryn sighed and wished her back would stop hurting so much, but then realized it was bound to happen sooner or later. Phoebe walked into the kitchen and looked at Kathryn, "Katie, are you okay?"

Gretchen looked to her younger daughter, "Your sister is fine, she's just going to have a baby."

Phoebe looked at her mother, "Well duh mom, do you think I didn't notice the weight gain on my sister? I'm not that young."

Gretchen smiled, "No I mean now."

Phoebe drew in a breath of surprise and looked at her mother, "You mean now? Here?"

Gretchen laughed, "No but soon. It takes a while dear."

Kathryn screamed as her waters broke. "Oh yes dear, you're definitely having that baby today."

Gretchen watched as Kathryn started panting and realized she was pushing. "Oh no dear; don't push."

"I have to go to the bathroom really badly mom."

"No Kathryn, that's what it feels like to have a baby."

Kathryn shook her head, "I gotta sit down mom."

Gretchen messaged Edward and told him what was going on and to get a doctor to the house a.s.a.p. "Okay Kathryn, sit down, the doctor will be here soon."

"Mom, I am not having this baby here."

Gretchen walked up to her daughter, "You might not have a choice dear."

Phoebe looked at what was going on, "She's going to have the baby here?"

"No, I'm not." Kathryn screamed out again as yet another contraction ripped through her.

Her mother walked up to her, "Kathryn dear, can you take off your pants?"

"This is demeaning; I will not do this here." Kathryn bent over and pushed, not realizing that's what she was doing.

"Kathryn dear you're pushing."

Kathryn panted, "I don't have a choice mom, I want this thing out of me and I want this ordeal over with."

Gretchen pulled her daughter's pants off and looked down to see the crown of the baby's head appearing. "Okay Kathryn, you're doing great: a few more pushes and this baby will be here."

Kathryn held her breath and pushed and out came the head. "Kathryn, the head's out. One more push and this should be over."

The door bell rang and Phoebe let the doctor in. Kathryn screamed out once more and the baby passed through Kathryn's cervix and out to the world outside. "Oh god is it over?"

Gretchen smiled, "Yes dear: she's here."

Kathryn smiled, "Can I see her?"

The doctor approached, "You might want to put her on your breast: it will help you deliver the placenta."

Kathryn looked at the doctor, "I will not bond with this child."

The doctor approached, "Just once Kathryn it'll help you out."

Kathryn placed the baby on her breast and felt a contraction, bore down once more and the placenta was delivered. "Can I give her back to you now? I think I'm finished."

The doctor looked at the woman closing off everything including the baby she had just given birth to. "I need to go to school in September, I can't raise a baby and Jennica will be happy with the Paris'."

Gretchen looked at her daughter, "Jennica?"

"That's her name mom, Jennica Paris."

Gretchen nodded and hoped that one day Kathryn would realize the true joy of motherhood at a more appropriate time.

The doctor helped clean her off, and then Kathryn got up and spoke. "I'd like to take a sonic shower now if that's okay."

The doctor nodded and off went Kathryn; that was the last time for a long time she would see her daughter.

[2 months later]

It had been two months: Kathryn had for the most part recovered from the birth. Anyone who looked at her today would not know she had given birth to a baby girl, at full term 2 months previously.

She left for the academy and her life in Starfleet began. Little did she know that those first two years at the academy would be formative ones for her. Jennica was out of sight out of mind. She was going to live a happy life with the Paris'. She had made a point to tell Tom that they were not to communicate anymore Kathryn was bound to make a happy life on her own, without the Scarlet letter that she had held throughout her last year of high school.

Kathryn went to her first class, first year Quantum Mechanics: not a class she was overly excited about, but her beginning at the Academy none-the-less.

She sat down at the front of the room and stared at her classmate. He was handsome, and he was her age. For once she was meeting someone her age, someone who knew nothing of her past.

He was intelligent and god was he handsome. She lost herself in staring at him and then she saw his dimples and she lost herself.

That was the end, and a new chapter of Kathryn's life began.

[2 years later]

It turned out that the man she had met all those years ago: he was a couple of years older than her and was trying make up a first year class he had failed.

She didn't care.

She had fallen in love and never wanted to let go.

They had met 'officially' a year ago. They had made it to the Academy formal together, and she couldn't believe what a kisser he was or that he wanted to go to the ball with a freshman.

He had told her he didn't care and that she was much prettier than any of the girls in his year.

She had blushed and cursed her fair, Irish, red-head skin.

He had seen her blush and had kissed the freckles saying that she was one of the most attractive women he had ever met; and that the fact that she didn't realize it made her even more attractive.

She had taken him up on his offer and they had gone to the ball together. They had been crowned King and Queen of the ball, and both thought it was perfect.

They thought it would be forever, and then he had gotten shipped out: His first deep space assignment.

She was positive that after a couple of months, she'd hear from him again, but all was for not, and it would be almost another 20 years before she heard from him again.

END 1. Youthful Indiscretion

TBC 2. Love Story


	2. Chapter 2

Life Circles

2\. Love Story

J/C

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Summary: 20 Years later and Chakotay and Janeway have to finally deal with their original love. J/C

Length: 8293 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[20 years after Youthful Indiscretions]

Kathryn had just been given a second chance, a chance to make everything right and she had to take it. She heard the chime ring. "Come in."

Tom looked at her, grinning and she realized all those years ago, why she had made the mistake. "You asked to see me, Captain"

"Mister Paris, you have a problem. I've invited Chakotay and the other Maquis to become part of this crew. It seemed the only reasonable thing to do under the circumstances"

The smugness that was dripping off of Tom when he answered her was infuriating, but at the same time she knew it was what would make him required and needed on this ship of misfits: "Will you provide a bodyguard for me, Captain?"

"It seems you already have one."

"I do?"

There was the kicker. When she had realized that Chakotay was the Maquis she was being sent to capture, her heart and done flip flops; but she had had a lifetime to forget or at least bury the memory: like Jennica. "Mister Chakotay said something about his life belonging to you? He'll be taking responsibility for your safety"

"I think I'm going to enjoy this."

Then a cloud took over his face. "Can I ask you something off the record Captain?" Kathryn against her better judgement nodded and gave him permission to delve into things that were best left buried and unsaid. "Do you ever think of Jennica?"

Kathryn let the shadow fall over her face: the Captain's mask coming into play, not letting emotions take over. "I have thought about her, and wondered how she was. I do get updates from your father – or I used to – so I know she was well taken care of and thriving under his care and tutelage.

He sighed, "Do you think it was the right decision we made all those years ago?"

Kathryn laughed, "To screw like monkeys, or to give Jennica away?"

Paris attempted to glare at his Captain, "You know what I mean."

"I think it was the only decision we could have made."

Tom chuckled, "Ah...a Captain's answer." He turned to leave the ready room, "Well Captain, I'd better get going."

"Dismissed."

She drew in a deep breath. "Janeway to Chakotay, could you please meet me in the ready room."

"Yes Captain."

She had made him her first officer – she knew he had the credentials – but she wasn't sure in the end if that had been the real reason she had made that decision.

She knew at one point she had loved him – she had fallen madly in love with him – but then he had left and once again Kathryn Janeway was left to pick up the pieces of a life that needed to go somewhere, it wasn't going.

Chakotay had in some ways pointed the direction for her. She needed stability; she needed order; and she needed control: and in some ways the Command path created all these things.

The door chimed and she called for him to enter. "Commander: so nice to see you in uniform."

Chakotay tilted his head, trying to figure out what that comment meant. "I will not be your token Maquis Officer Captain."

Kathryn sighed, trying to figure out the right words to say. "We've met before, and I hope that's not going to come between us on this ship. I need you as my first officer and to keep the Maquis in line."

Chakotay got a smug look on his face, "And what things do you want not to come between us?"

Kathryn glared at him, "You know what I'm talking about."

Chakotay looked into the blue eyes that were so beautiful and that he had fallen in love with once upon a time and brought her to him. He kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

Kathryn looked at him and brought her hand back and slapped him in the face. "I am no longer a cadet: a child who was infatuated by your good looks or charm."

She paused gathering herself, "And those are the things I am trying to avoid coming between us: I am your Captain, and you are my Commander."

"Yes Captain." He paused looking into her soul.

"Am I dismissed ma'am."

She nodded not trusting herself to open her mouth and say the words.

Chakotay looked at her and knew he had had an impact, but at the same time maybe time doesn't heal old wounds. He had left her to go on his first mission without really so much as a letter to her. They had lost contact over the years.

The last person he had expected to see commanding this ship was Kathryn Janeway.

Was there time to heal old wounds and fix mistakes of the past?

He sighed and went to his quarters. His shift was over: the meeting with the Captain was done and he needed sleep.

[3 hours later – Captain's Quarters]

Life could be so cruel. She was stuck on a ship for 70+ years with two men who had been integral parts of her life in different ways.

Tom: the father of her first born child - and probably the only child she would ever have seeing as she was stuck so far from Earth and her fiancé - and Chakotay: her first real love and he always would be.

Could she make that step and take him into her life once again?

So much had changed, they were different people now.

But so much had not changed - he was still the handsome loyal man she had fallen for - but he wasn't loyal enough: he had left without giving her a second thought. He had broken her heart, and she wasn't sure it could take it again.

[Same time Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay sat down and thought about everything that had happened to him in the past 24 hours. He had gotten his commission back, he had found himself re-acquainted with the love of his life, and she had slapped him.

I guess time does make you forget things.

The sex however had been good. He began thinking of their stolen nights together and found himself in a very unfortunate situation.

He looked down and realized that there was only one way to fix this problem. Then he heard the comm. "Janeway to Chakotay."

*Shit.* He thought to himself, well it was only a comm. Call.

"Chakotay here Captain."

"Chakotay since you're still awake and so am I, can we meet in my quarters and take care of some old demons that need exorcising?"

Chakotay almost laughed at the way she stated that. "And what demons would those be Captain?"

He heard her sigh over the line, "Chakotay I'm not in the mood for these games, can you just come next door and talk to me."

Chakotay looked down at his very engorged member and his very tight pants and sputtered out, "Right now?" He stopped, "I'm not really ready to see anyone right now."

He could imagine her raising an eyebrow and giving her quirky half smile, "Why Chakotay? Do you have half the women on this ship at your mercy already?"

She wanted to wrestle demons fine. "No only one Kathryn."

He heard an intake of breath on the other end of the line. "Kathryn...why don't you come over to my quarters, and we'll talk?"

Kathryn drew in a deep breath; was she ready for this yet? "I'll be right there Chakotay: Janeway out."

Kathryn looked at herself in the mirror, she was decent. *My god Kathryn, you have a fiancé back home.*

She pulled the long strands of hair behind her back and let it tumble down in unruly waves. *I hate my hair.* She thought and then left to go and visit Chakotay and hopefully get everything settled.

She rang his chime and waited.

Finally he called "Come." And she walked into his quarters and recognized many of the coverings in the quarters from years gone by: *Maybe he hasn't changed that much.*

As she walked closer to him, she discovered what his problem was. *Oh, my. He is as well endowed as I remember.*

*Think about Mark. You pledged your life to him.* A little voice in her head said. But would he wait 70 years and would that make her happy?

She walked over to Chakotay turning red with embarrassment.

Chakotay looked up, "Hey I should be the one that's embarrassed not you."

Kathryn let a smile grace her porcelain features and Chakotay remembered how very beautiful she was. That was when she did something that surprised him and locked her lips with his.

"Let's take care of the sexual tension now, shall we?" Chakotay let a hand fall to her breast and she realized that there was no stopping this.

Kathryn fell into Chakotay's warm embrace. *God help me; I'm sorry Mark.*

His hand slowly went down and felt the flat plane of her belly.

"Kathryn –"

She pulled away momentarily, to look into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

She went back to claim his lips and he knew that she was.

His left hand claimed her breast once again and he heard her moan into his mouth. Her tiny hand groped for the zipper to his pants and soon found it. "I don't think I've ever loved anyone like I love you Chakotay. I'm sorry it took us 20 years to get it right."

He smiled and pulled her back to look at her in her entirety, "I love you too Kathryn."

20 Years it appeared didn't make some things fade.

[2 weeks later]

Kathryn sat in her ready room reading reports. She had made B'Elanna Torres Chief Engineer after many misgivings about her in the beginning. Chakotay had assured her that it was the right decision and after watching her in action, she had decided it was.

Her and Chakotay's 'relationship' was going well. The crew seemed to accept it when they saw the two together. The Maquis crew just assuming that he was just getting his 'piece of ass' from the Starfleet bitch, the Starfleet crew just accepting it because she was their Captain.

Kathryn had never in her life felt more loved or cherished.

She smiled, well except for those two years at the academy, she had been his 'princess', and now they were falling back into those roles.

The chime to her quarters rang and she went to open the door. Chakotay came in and gave a low appreciative whistle.

"Well now: so this is what's hidden behind the Captain?"

Kathryn blushed, "Only for you my dear."

She smoothed the black velvet taut over her belly and hips. She grinned and twirled around showing him all angles.

"Very nice."

She looked at Chakotay, "So what's for supper tonight?"

"Well..."

Kathryn glared at him, "I mean food. Not other stuff: that's for dessert."

He smiled at her, and went up to the replicator. He ordered them vegetarian lasagne, and they sat down to eat in silence.

When supper was done, she walked over to him. He pulled his chair out and she sat on his knee.

As she sat down he claimed her lips with his, leaning into her beauty.

"Well my dear, shall we start on dessert?"

She ran her fingers under his shirt and stated, "I think we already have."

He ran his hand up her leg and realized she was wearing a garter belt. "Well what is this?"

"Something to unwrap..."

Chakotay got down on his knees and snapped the belt off with his teeth. "The secret to a lasting relationship: keep the romance alive."

She smiled, "You betcha."

He unzipped the dress and let it fall to her ankles. "A nicer view now."

She unsnapped her bra and he realized the view underneath it was nicer. "Well hello."

Her nipples were straining towards Chakotay, asking for attentiuon and release.

He bent down to touch them and pulled back at her gasp. "What's wrong? I thought you liked that?"

She sighed, "I normally do but I'm so sensitive today."

"I'm sorry; I won't touch you there today."

She grinned, "Thanks, but it doesn't mean you can't touch me other places."

He got down on his knees and dove his tongue into her hot center making Kathryn squeal in delight. "Oh that's not fair: I want to play too."

She threw him on the ground and grabbed his throbbing member, "I see someone's ready for fun besides me."

She shimmied down and engulfed him in her mouth. Ten minutes later and he was panting, "I can't last Kathryn."

She looked at him, "Then let go."

And he did, and Kathryn swallowed like a champ. "Well, see I told you, you could do it."

He laughed and picked her up off the ground heading for the bedroom. Even though he had quarters of his own, he now spent most of his nights here. "What do you say we go have a nap and then beat Paris at pool?"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "We have to, at some point let the junior officers win."

Chakotay smiled, dimples coming out in full force, "But not today."

[Later that Evening]

Kathryn and Chakotay walked into Sandrine's arms linked. He walked up to the bar and ordered them each a shot of tequila to start the night off. Kathryn shot that back so fast, and Tom was watching in wonderment at the transformation that had happened to Kathryn over the years. She seemed so much more at ease now then she had ever been before.

"So Captain, Commander...you two ready for a challenge?"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "Shouldn't I be asking you that Mr. Paris?"

Kathryn went over to the bar and took another shot, and then she ordered a beer to chase it down. "Okay Tom ready to go?"

Kathryn took three games right away, gave Tom one - because she felt sorry for him - and then took the fifth. "I think I win Tom."

Tom blushed, "Don't you always? You are after all the Captain."

Kathryn went toward the table at the back of the bar where Chakotay sat. "Ready for another drink dear?"

"Of course."

He looked at her "You know you should really give the junior officers a chance Kat."

She smiled, "I would but then, they would think I was soft."

Chakotay chuckled, "I don't think anyone would ever think that."

Kathryn was a little tipsy by the time she got home and Chakotay thought it was funny. The indestructible Kathryn Janeway, who had beaten who knew how many aliens was being beaten by beer. "Hey, Kat: why don't we just go and have a nice sleep."

Kathryn laughed, and thought herself a lush. "Later, right now let's play gin."

Chakotay sternly looked at her. "Kathryn: you're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

She chuckled, "That's okay, I'll suffer: I have tomorrow off."

Chakotay grabbed her hand. "Come on dear, I'll get you some water and then maybe we should head to bed."

"I want coffee."

"Kathryn you need sleep, and so do I."

[6 weeks later]

Kathryn looked in the mirror: the dark circles were really showing. She felt sick again. *God what's wrong with me?*

She sighed, *Oh well probably a bug or something.*

She walked out to the living area of her quarters and ordered some coffee. The minute she brought it up to her mouth, she felt queasy. She ran to the bathroom and lost whatever she had in her stomach. *I should really go see the doctor.*

Then she got ready and went to the bridge. Kathryn never did anything the easy way.

Kathryn arrived on the bridge 30 minutes later after trying to go to the mess hall and get something into her stomach. She did lose it after not too long, but at least she had tried to eat something.

Chakotay watched Kathryn walk onto the bridge and saw the pasty white colour of her skin and began to worry. He knew she had tried to be discreet, but she had been throwing up in the mornings for the last week.

He followed her into her ready room. "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it: I'm fine."

Chakotay stared at Kathryn. "You have been sick every day in the morning for a week, you can't keep any food down," he paused not wanting to scare her, "Is there any possibility you're pregnant?"

Kathryn sighed. "I guess it's possible. I had been off boosters for the first week we were in the Delta Quadrant, but I have to inform you that my fiancé and I were trying to have a baby before we were stranded here."

"Kathryn if you are pregnant you need to know, and if it isn't my baby we'll deal with it somehow."

Kathryn stared at Chakotay. "I didn't plan for anything like this out here. I mean Mark and I: we were trying for a baby, but we were only supposed to be gone two weeks."

She began to cry at the unfairness and injustice of the situation she was in: Possibly raising a baby on her own on a ship trapped in the Delta Quadrant; this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

At her distress, Chakotay embraced her whispering sweet nothings in her ears. "It'll be okay darling. I'm here for you no matter what."

He held her as she wept for the unfairness of the situation. The complete irony of re-acquainting herself with the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago, and the possibility of carrying a child – a dream she had carried since Jennica's birth – and the possibility that it was not even Chakotay's baby.

When her tears subsided and when she looked presentable enough to take out, Chakotay led her to sickbay where she met the acerbic voice of the doctor. "Hello Captain, Commander. What can I do for you today?"

Janeway looked at the projection of light and sound that served as their doctor, "I think I'm pregnant."

The doctor almost dropped his tricorder in surprise. "It shouldn't take too long for me to find that out; can you come here Captain please and raise your shirt?"

The Captain did as told, "Uh-huh...hmmm..."

Kathryn was getting annoyed now. "Well?"

The doctor sighed, "You were correct captain: You're eight weeks pregnant."

The Captain sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "Thank you doctor: I need to ask you something, is it too early to tell who the father is?"

The doctor stared at Kathryn, "Well no Captain, but I would think you'd remember who you slept with in the last two months."

"Doctor," The hologram was testing her patience.

He scanned her again, "Yes, Commander Chakotay is your child's father."

"Thank you doctor; may I go?"

"Yes of course, but I do need to see you soon for a more detailed scan."

"Yes, of course doctor, thank you."

"And Captain: You really need to cut down on the coffee."

Kathryn bristled at that, "Yes, thank you doctor."

Kathryn walked out of sickbay, Chakotay in tow. Chakotay opened his mouth to speak with her, and she quieted him right away. "Not here Chakotay, let's get to my quarters first."

Chakotay nodded and let her have it her way. They entered her quarters and she fell on her knees. "I'm so sorry, Chakotay, I wasn't trying to do this. But I am glad it's your baby and not Mark's; but at the same time we're 70,000 light years from home, but at the same time –"

Kathryn was babbling, he pulled her head up and waited for her to calm down. "Kathryn, calm down its okay."

He pulled her to him, "its okay Kathryn. I know we didn't plan for this out here, but we'll make it work."

She sighed, her hand unconsciously going to her abdomen where the child rested. "I want to keep this one Chakotay. I can't give another child away. I want us to have this baby."

Chakotay looked confused, "You've had a child before?"

Kathryn nodded, "I was young Chakotay: very young. I couldn't take care of a baby and neither could Tom."

Chakotay scrunched his face up in confusion. "Tom? Tom Paris."

Kathryn sighed and looked at him. "Chakotay you have to understand, I was 17, he was 14 we were virgins: we made a mistake. I never loved him the way I love you, and I never will."

Chakotay's eyes widened, "You loved him enough to sleep with him and have his baby Kathryn."

"It wasn't like that." She placed a hand on his arm. "We were so young: I should have been on boosters: it should never have happened."

"But it did. What happened to the baby?"

"Jennica is 22 now: she lives with Tom's family. I never saw her again after the day I gave birth to her. I didn't want Owen to keep the baby but he insisted, and I was a child: headed for the academy: I couldn't say no to an Admiral and a chance for a life after an earth shattering mistake?"

Chakotay looked incredulously at Kathryn, "So you gave your child away to the father of the father, or the father of a man who raped you."

Kathryn turned around to look at him, "Tom didn't rape me Chakotay any more than you did."

Chakotay looked at her upset by the comparison, "You were a child Kathryn!"

"And he was younger then I was, so what are you saying that I raped him?"

"Kathryn, I would never say anything like that about you. You're the kindest, most down to earth..."

"But that's just it Chakotay, at that time I wasn't. I was a child and we made a mistake: We took care of it the only way we could."

He opened his mouth to answer and closed it: Kathryn was in a fragile state.

"Are you going to do the same thing with 'our' baby?"

She walked up to him quickly, "No, I would never do that to our daughter."

"Daughter?"

"Or...son."

Kathryn walked up to him and took his hand to place it on her belly, "Our child is in there Chakotay, and I am so happy."

He chuckled, "We'll see how you feel in a few months after you've gained 30 pounds."

Kathryn laughed, "We'll deal with it honey: I promise."

"She pulled him over, pulled her shirt down and stated: "I guess we'd better get back to our bridge."

They walked to the turbo-lift, and called for the bridge. Halfway there, Kathryn called "Halt turbolift."

She pulled him to her, "This will work out Chakotay, it has to."

"Kathryn I want this baby so badly I can taste it."

She pulled her face down and slowly brought her hand over his face. "I'm sorry Chakotay, we'll do our best."

He looked at her sensing a 'but' coming on. "But –"

"I have to talk to Tom."

Chakotay looked at her curious, "I don't understand?"

"It's a long story from our past, but I need to speak to him."

Chakotay contemplated this, he knew that Kathryn and Tom had known each for a long time, something to do with being Starfleet brats and all - and they had had a baby created out of a moment of weakness - but why was he the first one she wanted to talk to about a pregnancy that had nothing to do with him?

Kathryn looked at Chakotay's confused face, "Don't worry Chakotay, I just need to tell him something, I'll be on the bridge after I take him and speak with him in the ready room."

Chakotay nodded, "Fine, you can share your reasons with me later."

Kathryn nodded and got off the turbolift and motioned right away for Tom to follow her to her ready room.

Kathryn walked through the doors to her ready room Tom in tow. "Tom, we have to talk."

Paris nodded, "Is this the Captain and helmsman or Kathryn and Tom?"

She shook her head, "Tom..."

"What is it Kathryn? What is it that forced you to bring me in here by myself?"

Kathryn sighed. "I thought you deserved to know Tom. I'm going to have a baby."

Tom shook his head. "I beg your pardon?"

Kathryn laughed, "Déjà Vu. That's exactly the same way you reacted last time –"

She cut herself off at Tom's 'hurt' expression: Like an animal licking his wounds.

"Except this time it's not yours Tom."

"Chakotay?"

"Chakotay." She acknowledged.

He pulled his hand out from behind his back and put it out to her in a gesture of congratulations. "Then let me be the first to congratulate you."

Kathryn smiled, "Thanks Tom; and please keep this to yourself for a while. I'm not ready to tell yet."

Tom nodded, "I hope it turns out better for you this time then it did the last time."

Kathryn nodded and glared at him, "That's not funny Tom, at least you got to watch Jennica grow up and at least she knows who you are."

"Yeah as her 'brother' not her 'father'."

"Okay Tom, I think this is the end of the discussion. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Tom got an obnoxious look on his face, "Glad you're willing to raise this one even if Jennica was too much trouble for you."

"Okay Lieutenant, you're out of line: This discussion is over. What we did or did not do in our youth, well that's the past. This baby," she placed a hand on her stomach, "is mine and Chakotay's future."

"Fine Captain, if that's the way you want it: but remember, some day Jennica is going to ask, and some day you're going to have to tell her."

She glared at him, "I will not be told how to live my life, not even by the father of my first born: Dismissed"

Tom took one more look at the woman who had irreparably changed his life, and walked out of the ready room leaving Kathryn to brood.

Kathryn sank to the floor and cried, cried for lost opportunities, cried for Jennica and cried for a baby who would be Kathryn's hopes and dreams for the future.

[2 weeks later]

Kathryn tried to smooth the fabric of her wedding dress over her stomach. Today was her wedding day and the crew had been surprisingly okay with it: the fact that the Maquis Captain and the Starfleet Captain were taking their vows.

Kathryn had been surprised a week ago when there had been a diamond ring sitting on the pillow of her bed waiting when she got home from shift, but her words had been: "Yes, yes Chakotay we all make mistakes time to fix ours. And of course I will marry you."

Chakotay drew her lips up to his for a kiss full of promise. "Gods Chakotay I love you."

He had run his hand over the swell of her stomach that was starting to form and the kiss deepened, I love you too Kathryn."

His hand slowly moved from the swell of her belly upwards to her slowly becoming engorged breasts. He now knew to be careful, and the feelings enveloping her were exquisite. She moaned into his mouth and she knew that he knew he was doing everything right.

She pulled away, "Chakotay lets do this fast I still want to be able to fit into a wedding dress."

He had looked at her, "We can wait until after our bundle of joy gets here if you want?"

"No, I want to do this now. I want to finally be complete."

He cupped both of her breasts, feeling the weight that had become part of her during the last couple of months. "Gods Kathryn, if you want to do this right away, I'd do anything for you. We've been apart for too long and the fact that we were thrown back together, makes me think it was fate."

Slowly they made their way to the bedroom and sank on the bed almost as one. He began disrobing her. He ran his hands down her sides and she knew that tonight's love making was going to be slow and sensual.

"Kathryn, I have to go and get something quickly, I'll be right back...don't go anywhere." All Kathryn could think was after that beginning she wasn't going anywhere.

He walked out to the kitchen and came in with candles: rose scented candles, and began lighting them all over the quarters.

He finished lighting them and went out of the bedroom again to re-enter with strawberries and chocolate.

He dipped the first strawberry in the chocolate and brought it up to Kathryn's lips, she opened up and felt the sweet chocolate hit her taste buds.

After the first strawberry was finished Chakotay dove in for a kiss, licking the chocolate off the corners of her mouth.

Kathryn sighed in contentment, when she was finished two more strawberries her wandering hands got the better of her and she grabbed him and rubbed him to completion.

The scene was set. He looked at her asking if she was ready. At her subtle nod he got above her and slowly entered her filling her to the hilt.

The love making that night was slow and sensual, and she knew that she had finally found her soul mate; she had been reaquainted with the other half of her being.

She came out of her reverie and back to the moment at hand. She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and went out to Voyager's mess hall where the wedding was going to take place.

She got there and saw B'Elanna was already there in her bridesmaid outfit, ready to stand by Kathryn no matter what. She had made her the maid of honour after getting to know the angry woman better and had finally come to the conclusion that she was a lot softer than her outward appearance showed.

Harry began playing the clarinet and Kathryn walked down the aisle. This was the one and only time she would walk down the aisle and take a man for better or for worse. This was the only time she had and it was going to be special for her.

She got to the front where Chakotay was standing in wait for her and took her hand, bending down and whispering in her ear, "I love you, and soon we'll be husband and wife."

Tuvok against his better judgement had agreed to do the ceremony for her. He loved her in his own way and knew that much: he knew that her happiness was paramount.

She smiled at her soon to be husband, and stared at Tuvok. "Do you take this woman to have and to hold, until death do you part?"

She watched Chakotay stare "I do." As he placed the delicate wedding band , on her small finger.

Tuvok repeated the statement meant for Kathryn, "I do." She looked up at him and placed the larger ring on his finger claiming him as hers.

"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. May you live long and prosper." He looked at Chakotay, "You may now complete the ceremony by kissing the bride."

He bent down and gave everyone the show they had come looking for.

Tom had been nowhere to be seen, and Kathryn worried.

[2 hours later - wedding reception]

Kathryn and Chakotay sat and ate. They had forced Neelix to replicate Cornish hens and an elaborate vegetable dish for Chakotay for after the wedding ceremony.

Chakotay leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Do you want to tell them tonight?"

Kathryn backed up surprised, "About the baby?"

Chakotay nodded, "Not yet Chakotay, soon though I promise."

They finished the ceremony, and Kathryn got so many compliments about how healthy she looked, B'Elanna stated that she was practically glowing.

Kathryn held her lips close together: she wasn't divulging her secret until she had to.

[3 weeks later Janeway Quarters]

Chakotay reached under her nightgown and found the baby bump that had become more and more obvious during the past couple of weeks.

"Kathryn we're going to have to tell them soon or they're going to guess for themselves."

Kathryn placed a hand over his, "You know what Chakotay, I am so happy I almost don't care."

Chakotay looked at her. "I know but they deserve to hear it from you."

Kathryn sighed, "Fine I'll tell the senior staff tomorrow at the briefing. Chakotay nodded, "Good enough; and about time."

Kathryn and Chakotay were getting ready for bed when the door chime sounded. Kathryn went to get up and Chakotay stopped her, "It's okay, I'll get it."

Kathryn nodded her consent and lay back down on the bed. He answered the door to see Tom standing there obviously inebriated. "Well isn't this cute. Settling into marital bliss I see."

Kathryn heard Tom's voice and came out from the bedroom. She walked out and saw Tom standing there staring menacingly at Chakotay. "Well Kathryn, you're beginning to show your maternal bliss." He leaned over to Chakotay, "Trust me she fills out quite nicely when she's pregnant."

He stared at Kathryn: loathing in his eyes, "Let's hope she doesn't do the same thing to you and your baby as she did to Jennica and I."

Kathryn glared at Tom, "That's enough: Lieutenant."

Chakotay moved between Kathryn and Tom. "Oh look at this: protective, already, and you haven't even told the crew."

Kathryn moved past Chakotay. "Tom, we've already discussed why I did what I did. You already know. Get over it. I'm married now, I'm happy: I hope, someday you're as happy as I am."

Tom laughed, "Right Kat, I'm not finding anyone here...and you...you stranded us so far from home I won't find anything there either."

Kathryn looked at him tears glazing over her eyes but she held them back. "You have no right to question my command decisions, and no right to call me by my given name anymore."

Tom shrugged, "That's not what you said when we were younger, or even for that matter when we came aboard this ship. You're a hypocrite 'Captain'." He emphasized her rank, and spat on the floor at her feet. "I hope you can still bend down to clean that up Captain."

And he turned around and left Janeway's quarters.

[3 hours later Janeway quarters]

Kathryn was tossing and turning, she couldn't find sleep no matter what.

Chakotay pulled her to him and put his arms around her cocooning their child in his arms. "Kathryn come on you need your sleep."

"I know Chakotay I just can't stop thinking about what Tom said."

"You want to talk about it?"

Kathryn sighed, "I need a coffee if we're going to get into this."

"One coffee Kathryn, you're over three months pregnant it's time you cut down."

"I know, but it's my staple and right now I need something to lean on."

Chakotay nodded, "I know dear, but you can lean on me."

"I know honey." She turned around and kissed him on the cheek, before getting up.

She exited the bedroom and entered the living area and went the replicator, "Coffee. Black."

The replicator produced the beverage and she sat down. Chakotay got a cup of tea from the replicator and sat down bedside her.

"I don't know where to start Chakotay."

He smiled, "At the beginning is normally a good place."

She sighed, "Okay I was Tom's tutor when we were in high school. Admiral Paris was asking me to help him straighten Tom out."

She paused collecting her thoughts, "Then one night, it all changed. I wasn't looking at him like the unruly child of Admiral Paris, but rather as a man: I was 17 and he was 14."

She paused letting her husband absorb the beginning of the story. "I was a virgin and at that point had no reason to be on boosters. Then we ended up in bed and I stole the virginity of a 14 year old."

Chakotay rubbed her back, "He wouldn't have done it if he hadn't wanted to. Kids at that age experiment."

"Chakotay he was 14: He was a child."

"And you were 17 and by your own admission a child yourself."

"Anyway, so a month later I found out I was pregnant: I was mortified, scared out of my mind. I knew I couldn't have a baby. So I went to the clinic ready to take care of our mistake."

She looked him in the eyes, "I couldn't do it Chakotay. I sat in the chairs and waited at my gynaecologist's office and stared at all the happy mothers-to-be and couldn't do it. What really killed me and it will be engrained in my head until the day I die was a poem I saw, praising motherhood and how women couldn't wait to meet their bundles of joy. It was so painful knowing I held a miracle in my body and wanted to do away with it because it was too much trouble."

She cried as she thought about almost ridding herself of the inconvenience that was her first daughter Jennica. "Tom was against it sort of but he also understood that I was too young to care for a newborn, and he was even younger than I was. He was okay with the abortion, and then when I couldn't do it, he was scared of what his father would say."

He smiled, "All children are afraid of what their parents will say when they get into a situation like this."

"Anyway, so because I couldn't do it we didn't have a choice but to tell Admiral Paris. So we went to tell him. I was almost three months pregnant – and starting to show – and I was afraid of what he would say, if I would be okay at the academy: there were so many questions in my head."

"Admiral Paris, he decided he and his wife were going to raise the baby, going to adopt her. I was afraid of having contact with her, I was afraid of forming a bond with her: I was just afraid."

She paused, getting ready to go forward with the story she had never told anyone else. She had barely admitted to herself on some days that she did have a child. "So I decided to carry it to term and try and ignore it as much as possible. Then I felt her move for the first time and all of a sudden reality came crashing down on me. I mean I had been aware that I was pregnant, morning sickness and weight gain and all, but it didn't feel real to me until I felt those first butterfly movements."

She cried some more and Chakotay just held her until the tears stopped. He loved her and he felt her pain. "Its okay baby, we all do things that we either wish we hadn't or know we had to and did. I love you no matter what your perceived shortcomings; and once you have this baby you'll get to be a mother for real and for good."

Kathryn nodded and continued the story. "Jennica was born in my parent's house you know." She looked at him, "I had been in labour all day and hadn't realized it. I was two weeks early and I was 18 at this point and it was my first baby: My mom knew. She had told me that the baby had dropped and I was having back labour. It didn't really become real until my water broke. After that it was all a blur. I had the baby, named her Jennica Paris, breastfed her once and handed her to the doctor to deliver to Admiral Paris. I never saw her again: it was too hard. I had looked into those big blue eyes of hers once and fell in love, and I knew if I looked too hard: I wouldn't be able to let go, but I knew I had to."

He rubbed her head and noticed her hands were making hypnotic movements over the child within. "You know I never told this to anyone, not even Mark and we were trying for a baby of our own."

Chakotay smiled, "I'm glad you didn't succeed: then this little one," he put a hand over hers where it rested on the baby, "wouldn't be on her way."

Kathryn smiled and grabbed his hand as she felt the first movements of their child. "Oh!"

Chakotay looked at his wife worriedly, "Kathryn what's wrong?"

A smile spread across her face, "Nothing your child just moved for the first time."

Chakotay's hand joined her on her belly. "I think we should go get some sleep now: my family needs it."

She smiled at him took his hand and off to bed they went. Kathryn almost immediately fell into a blissful sleep feeling almost as if a weight had been lifted from her.

[0700 next morning]

Kathryn woke up feeling refreshed. It was as if she had, had her first good sleep in months. She was looking out the viewport, her pregnant form silhouetted against the window when he came up behind her and wrapped his hands around her ever-expanding belly. "Good morning beautiful."

Kathryn scoffed, "Beautiful: hardly. I've gained 14 pounds already."

Chakotay smiled and rubbed her tummy, "And all for a good cause."

They both turned around at the beeping of the command console behind them. "Trouble in paradise on the ship called Voyager?"

What they met was hardly what they had expected. There were congratulatory notes from the senior staff and disgruntled notes from some of the crew. "What the hell?"

Kathryn read the first note, from one B'Elanna Torres. "Chakotay, Kat: Tom Told us, congratulations, and old man: it's about time."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay. "Why did Tom do that?"

Chakotay shrugged and he went on to the next note: "Well I'm glad someone's happy. She strands us 70,000 light years from our families and you two start a family here. The right thing to say is congratulations Chakotay, but my opinion is you suck: and you're a selfish prick."

Kathryn was shocked at the way these people were talking to their superiors. There were others like B'Elanna's from Harry and Tuvok, and then there were some congratulations from other members of the crew: Samantha Wildman for instance, who was glad her baby wouldn't be alone.

Then there were more rude notes – most from former members of the Maquis – telling them they were selfish and weren't thinking of the crew first.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Why would Tom do that, and how did he get it to everyone so fast?"

Chakotay thought about it. "The 'Voyager Rumour Mill' is in full swing I see."

Kathryn turned to the replicator. "I guess there's no hiding it now. One maternity uniform: Command Red, size 4."

Kathryn put on the uniform and sighed, "My god it's huge."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow at her, "Yeah and you'll fill it out in no time."

She glared at him, "Thanks, that helps."

Chakotay looked at her, "Hey that's a good thing: it means our baby is healthy and growing strong."

Kathryn smiled. "I guess that's one way of looking at it."

He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to force her to look into his eyes, "It's the only way to look at it."

[2 hours later – bridge]

Kathryn walked out of the turbo-lift and got a smile from Harry, and Chakotay got a congratulatory handshake. B'Elanna was on the bridge and walked up to Kathryn, "So that's why you been 'glowing' lately: Congratulations you guys!"

The shift was uneventful, until supper time and the mess hall. They got their food and walked towards a table at the back where B'Elanna and Harry were seated. Yet again Tom was nowhere to be found.

B'Elanna walked up to Kathryn and hugged her, "Well look at you. I am so happy for you guys, and you hid it well Kat."

Kathryn smiled, "Well not anymore...I guess everyone knows now. How did Tom get the news to everyone so fast?"

Harry looked at Chakotay, "You know that 'message board' that he set up a tribute to the 20th century internet revolution? He posted the news there: We thought he had your permission."

Kathryn blushed, "He's still a little sore about stuff that happened years ago."

B'Elanna looked at her, "Is it true? You two have a daughter?"

Kathryn looked down, "Yes let's just say 'Youthful Indiscretion'."

B'Elanna looked hurt. "How can you say that? So you made a mistake how many of us can honestly say we haven't?" She looked at Harry, "Aside from possibly the greenest ensign in Starfleet."

"Hey that's not fair; there were greener ones in my class."

"Whatever: Starfleet."

Kathryn sat down and put a hand on her belly. The baby was squirming. "So did anyone find out why Tom did that?"

Harry shrugged, "He said something about atoning for the past...whatever that means?"

Kathryn drew in a deep breath, "Did he mention the name Jennica?"

Harry shook his head, B'Elanna looked at Janeway perplexed. "Not to either of us."

Kathryn nodded, "Okay thanks. Do you know where Mr. Paris went?"

Harry looked like he was searching his mind for the answer, "I think he said he was going to spend some time in Sandrine's in the holodeck."

Kathryn smiled. "Thanks."

She walked around the table to the side where Chakotay was sitting. "Honey, I'm going to go put this in the recycler; then I think I'll head to the holodeck to speak with Tom."

Chakotay looked concerned, "Do you want me to come with you?"

She smiled and shook her head, "No, I think I need to deal with this on my own: it's been buried for too long."

"Call me if you need anything."

She kissed him, "No problem." He pulled his hand down to rub her tummy, "Make sure you take good care of our little one Kathryn."

She smiled at him, "You know I will."

She walked out of the mess hall and B'Elanna came up to Chakotay. "You two are so cute it's despicable. I saw you touch her tummy, this parenthood thing looks good on you Chakotay."

He smiled, "I think Kathryn and I finally got it right."

B'Elanna stared at him, "Chakotay we've only been in the Delta Quadrant 4 months."

He smiled, "Yes but this relationship has been 20 years in the making."

B'Elanna looked at him confused. "I beg your pardon?"

He laughed, "We were in the academy at roughly the same time, my graduating year we went to the formal together and won king and queen: I loved her even then."

"Awww...that is so cute Chakotay, it's like high school sweethearts re-united."

"Close B'Ella...close."

[1900 hours holodeck one – Sandrine's program]

Kathryn walked into the program and saw Tom hunched over a beer in the corner a pool cue in his hand. "You up for a game Tom?"

"Sure if you can reach over the table in all your maternal glory Kathryn?"

She had to stop this, "Tom I don't know what you thought you were doing, but I shared this with you in private because we go back a long way. Jennica is going to have a half brother or sister."

Tom glared at her, "She is not, if you recall correctly you gave up any rights to her when you gave her up and left her for my father to raise."

Kathryn sighed, "That's not fair Tom. I was young, I had my whole life ahead of me and so did you. We couldn't have dealt with a child."

Tom was crying at this point, "But you didn't even want to try."

"I couldn't even try Tom. You got to grow up with her, you got to see her grow up. Your daughter will always know you and has always known you."

He laughed, "Yeah as her brother: Tom."

She sighed, "Tom you know it was the only way."

He was coming down off his two day binge and beneath the anger and the hurt. Kathryn began to see the old Tom Paris poking though. "I'm sorry Tom."

Kathryn put her hand on her belly feeling the baby move, "Hey Tom, I'm sorry but in the end you know that Jennica was better off under your dad's parenting."

He sighed, "Yeah I know. " He looked at Kathryn, "Can you feel the baby move yet?"

She smiled, "Oh yeah," She took his hand and placed it on her belly. He felt the baby move and smiled. "You know maybe someday I'll find the happiness that you and Chakotay have, but until then I guess I'll have to just be an uncle to this little one."

Kathryn drew in a deep breath, "And godfather I hope. We were going to make you the godfather and B'Elanna the godmother: Our two closest friends."

Tom nodded, "I'd be honoured."

She pulled Tom into an embrace of friendship.

It just proved one thing to her, former lovers do make good friends, and time heals all wounds.

END 2. Love Story

TBC in 3. Partially Fixed


	3. Chapter 3

Life Circles

3\. Partially Fixed

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Summary: 2 Months after 'Love Story'. There are some possible problems in paradise between J/C and P/T.

Length: 6,544 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[2 months after Love Story]

It was night and Kathryn sat contemplating what she had seen, what she had heard. The hurt, the pain: she cried.

They had rushed into the relationship; they had rushed into the pregnancy; whether it was by accident or on purpose.

Her hand rubbed the bump, "I love you baby, I will always love you even if daddy loves somebody else."

[same time mess hall]

Tom stared at B'Elanna, "She loves him B'E, even if she won't admit it. For god's sake she's carrying his baby, she married him."

B'Elanna glared at him. "She carried your baby."

The truth about Jennica and Tom and Kathryn had come out earlier in the month. Seska had taken the opportunity to try and stake her claim on Chakotay, and take her away from the five month pregnant Captain.

"Chakotay she never loved you, she whored around with Paris when she was younger, she was engaged to someone else when she came to the Delta Quadrant; then she tries to hold you to a marriage because of a baby she's carrying and to try to stabilize the crew's precarious position. She never loved you."

Chakotay looked angrily at Seska, "Like you loved me?"

Seska glared at Chakotay, "At least we can say the sex was good; I can't imagine fucking that rack of ribs that is our Captain can be very satisfying."

"Don't talk about Kathryn that way, she's my wife."

"A marriage of convenience."

"You don't know that Seska: You don't know anything about her." He paused, "Like you, what do I know about a member of my crew who turned out to be a Cardassian spy?"

Seska bowed her head. "I love you Chakotay, that's all that matters."

He shook his head, "I wish I could believe that." He backed off from Seska and went to attempt to save his marriage.

[Mess Hall]

B'Elanna stared at Tom, "I need to know Tom: Do you feel anything for her anymore?"

He looked unsure, "She will always be Jennica's mother."

"She doesn't even accept that; she gave the baby away and that baby is now 22!"

"B'Elanna, she doesn't think of me that way. She is married to your best friend."

B'Elanna shook her head, "You two still have a huge history together and I'm not sure if I can get past that. If you two weren't on the same ship together: maybe; if you didn't have a child together: possibly; but it's just too much Tom."

She walked away from Tom and out of his life quite possibly forever.

[1900 hours Captain's Quarters]

Kathryn was sitting on the couch. She felt so alone. She had lost Chakotay to a woman ten years her junior. She should have known that it was too good to be true: but that woman was a proven Cardassian Spy.

She heard the door chime and called "Come."

B'Elanna was standing there glowering at her. "You had my boyfriend when he was younger, you have my best friend, you have the baby, and you are the most powerful woman on this ship. Leave us alone, let me have Tom."

She turned and left, Kathryn looking perplexed.

[2000 hours Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn had finally had more than she could stand. Her husband had not visited her or slept with her in 3 weeks. Their baby was getting big, and really active and he wasn't here to see it, or to feel it. Or to sleep close to her mother and share in the pregnancy and all because of a stupid mistake that Kathryn had made.

She had not believed her husband of almost six months now, and instead chose to take actions that she saw at face value.

Actions that she knew in her heart of heart Chakotay would never perform.

He loved her: she was sure of it.

She sighed and went next door to his former quarters and rang the chime. He answered to come in and she walked in seeing the quarters totally decorated with baby things. "Kathryn, I'm redecorating so we can make these quarters the baby's room."

Kathryn smiled at him tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry, I should never have even entertained the idea of suspecting you had something with Seska."

Chakotay's hand reached down to caress the baby bump, "It's okay Kathryn. I know the baby hormones are making you think and feel all sorts of weird stuff, and I forgive you." The baby kicked his hand, "We have a really strong one in there." She grinned, "Yeah when I was pregnant with Jennica, I thought she was going to –" She stopped realizing she was on dangerous territory here. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I never meant for anything like that to come out."

He tilted her head up so she was staring him in the eyes, "It's okay. I understand, she was a part of your life before you met me; and it's a part of your life you should be proud of."

Kathryn smiled, "What did I do to deserve you?"

He laughed, "I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's been 20 years in the making this relationship, and the time has only made it stronger."

She looked at him questioningly, "You know I got a visit from B'Elanna today."

Chakotay looked confused, "What did she want?"

"Well she said I had her boyfriend before her, I have her best friend, I have a baby on the way and I have Tom's infatuation. What more could I want?"

Kathryn shook her head, "I thought B'Elanna understood me, I thought we were friends."

Chakotay watched Kathryn almost hyperventilate. "Hey, Kat: Calm down, it's not good for the baby."

Kathryn continued to breathe in and out hard. "Kathryn!"

Kathryn shook herself out of it. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I need some stability in my life. I need you. I need B'Elanna and Tom as friends. I need Tuvok to be the man he has always been taking care of me almost like a father. I just need stability, and sometimes I don't think people realize that despite everything I'm just as human as they are."

She turned to Chakotay and he brought her in for a hug, a beautiful embrace. She giggled. "You're sure this baby's going to be a boy aren't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

She looked around the newly furnished nursery, "Everything is blue and green."

He stared at her, "A girl can wear blue and green sleepers, I'm not so sure about a boy wearing pink."

Kathryn smiled at her husband. "I know and I think it's a boy too." She paused, "I want you to spend some time with B'Elanna, find out what's really wrong. I'll talk to Tom."

"What makes you think that we can fix this?"

She smiled, "Because it's the only chance that couple has. B'Elanna sees me as a threat; I can't talk to her right now. I need to make sure she knows that you're still her best friend."

Chakotay smiled, showing his dimples in full force. "You are such a good person Kathryn."

"Janeway to Paris?"

"Paris here, what can I do for you Captain?"

She raised an eyebrow at Chakotay, "I know you're in Sandrine's: up for a game of pool?"

"Always up for a challenge Captain."

"I'll be right there."

Chakotay grabbed his wife's arm as she was making her way out, "Be careful please: You're carrying precious cargo."

She walked close to him and kissed him on the lips. "I'll be careful I promise."

Chakotay nodded and watched his life leave. In her current pregnant state she was so cute. Big enough that you definitely knew she carried a baby in there, but not so big yet. Just right: of course he'd think that if she was overweight and 300 lbs.

He loved this woman and had since the day he had met her all those years ago.

He walked off towards engineering, tapping his commbadge as he went. "Chakotay to Torres."

"Torres here, what's up Chakotay?"

"You want to meet me for supper in the mess hall tonight?"

"I'm not sure if I'm meeting Tom tonight."

"Trust me you're not Kathryn's taking care of him. And you don't have anything to worry about."

He could feel B'Elanna rolling her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes B'Elanna. She doesn't want anything from him, I trust them...so should you."

B'Elanna bowed her head in shame. "I know I should trust you all, but I've been burned so many times."

He saw B'Elanna getting upset. "B'Elanna you never cry, what's wrong?"

She drew in a deep breath. "I'm pregnant. I'm carrying Tom's baby, and he cares more about Kathryn and what's going on with her then me."

Chakotay embraced his best and oldest friend in a hug, for comfort. "Does he know?"

She silently shook her head. "He won't be happy. This baby will look like me, not like him."

He tilted her head up. "He will love and cherish this baby, just like he loves and cherishes you."

B'Elanna shook her head. "You don't know that Chakotay."

"I know that if Kathryn trusts the man, despite what I think: I defer to her way of thinking."

B'Elanna laughed, "Looks like soon we'll have two trouble makers on his ship."

"Our baby and yours?"

B'Elanna smiled, "No Tom and his son."

They both laughed, "And when your kid's born, we'll have two people giving orders, Kathryn and her baby."

"Oh that child already holds all the cards B'Elanna."

B'Elanna smiled at her friend, "I just want everything to go perfectly. I mean the chances against Human/Klingon conception are so high...I never thought I'd have to worry about getting pregnant, forget by accident."

Chakotay looked at her encouragingly. "Don't worry; everything will be fine."

She reached forward and hugged him. "We'll do our best to be good parents to this little one." She placed her hand on her tummy, "You think Kathryn will have a problem giving me my boyfriend back for a bit? I have something I need to tell him."

[SANDRINES]

Kathryn and Tom sat together. They finished playing many games of pool and Kathryn had won all but one. "Okay so Kathryn, you beat my ass at pool yet again. You want to tell me why you really came here today?"

Kathryn picked up her non-alcoholic apple cider, and looked at Tom. "Tom, I got a visit from B'Elanna today."

Tom looked at her curiously, "And?"

"And she's really not taking the news of us having a previous relationship, or a baby together very well."

"That was 20 years ago Kat."

"I know that Tom; and deep down I'm sure she knows that too, but these are irrational fears that manifest themselves. I can't even help it sometimes, and I'm the Captain."

Tom snickered. "So even being the Captain doesn't put a reign on your emotions huh?"

She laughed, "You'd be surprised what being the Captain doesn't –"

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Janeway here: What's up?"

"Can you meet me in the mess hall in about ten minutes?"

Kathryn got a puzzled look on her face, "Is it important Chakotay?"

"Please Kathryn: I'll explain everything when you get here."

"Give me 15 minutes okay? Janeway out."

Kathryn severed the link and turned to Tom. "Chakotay wants to see me in 10 minutes, he said he'd explain when I got there."

Tom shrugged, "I don't know Kat; but I have to say, I'm really happy for you and Chakotay and Janeway junior."

"Janeway junior?"

"Well since I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, and have no idea what a possible name choice would be...I'll call the bump Janeway Junior."

She laughed, "You know Tom, you are awful. "

"I know. See you later mom."

Kathryn glared at him: "Don't even start with me Tom."

Kathryn took one last look at her former lover and went to see her current husband.

[2200 hours Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn walked into the mess hall, "What the hell is so important Chakotay that you had to –"

"B'Elanna's pregnant Kathryn."

Kathryn stared at him. "Does Tom know?"

He grinned at her, "Always thinking about the crew huh Kathryn? Well no that's why I needed you to get over here and away from him. They needed time to discuss things."

Kathryn nodded. "I understand that, and tomorrow I'll have to ask B'Elanna what his reaction was."

Chakotay looked questioningly at his wife. "Why?"

"See if his reaction to her pregnancy is as odd as his reaction was to my pregnancy all those years ago."

Chakotay tilted his head. "I think that everyone's grown up since then."

"Oh come on Chakotay, you knew I was pregnant before I did, maybe he already knows, or at least is thinking about the possibility."

"Kathryn this is Tom we're talking about."

Kathryn laughed, "True. Well let's see how this pans out."

Chakotay smiled and took Kathryn's hand. "Where are we going Chakotay?"

"Well I was just thinking that we have the night to ourselves, and it's quiet, and who knows how many more nights like this we'll get?" He caressed her tummy demonstrating his point and his intentions.

Kathryn smiled and followed her prince to the bedroom.

[2215 hours - holodeck one]

B'Elanna walked in to the holodeck and saw the French bistro surrounding her and sleazy pool sharks abound. "Tom?"

Tom was behind the bar fixing drinks. Manhattans she believed. "B'Elanna, I've fixed us some drinks, the table is set...and I'm not talking about the pool table either."

He looked at her with an innocent and precious look on his face. "What's wrong B'Elanna? You don't like the setting?"

B'Elanna shook her head. "I can't drink that."

Tom looked at her, "I thought you loved Manhattans."

She smiled. "Come here Tom." She pulled him over to the table that was already set for a romantic dinner for the two of them." The gigolo walked up and took B'Elanna's hand. "May we dance and then make love?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "Computer delete holodeck characters. Sandrine's shocked face disappeared along with all the holographic pool sharks. "Tom –"

He blushed in embarrassment, "I'm sorry, I should have gotten rid of the sleazy men before I took you over here."

"It's okay Tom: it's all part of your charm."

Tom got on one knee. "Glad to hear it. You want to help me deal with that charm for the rest of my life?"

B'Elanna's hand went up to her mouth. "Of course I'll marry you Tom." She placed the diamond ring on her finger. "Tom, I have to tell you something, and I'm glad we've got the relationship out in the open."

He stared at her, "What is it B'Elanna?"

She sighed, "I'm pregnant: You're going to have a son."

Tom's jaw dropped open. "Oh my god B'Elanna –"

"Looks like the Paris bloodline will continue." She smiled at him.

He moved from his kneeling position closer to her belly. "I never thought I'd have the chance again."

She smiled, "You will in about six months."

He placed his hand on her belly in amazement. He rubbed it up and down talking sweet nothings to the child she carried. "You have made me so happy B'Elanna."

He reached up and kissed her full on the lips, sealing the deal and proving his commitment."

[2300 hours – Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn and Chakotay lay back completely satisfied. Pregnancy had not slowed Kathryn down one bit, made her more creative possibly but slowed her down: no.

"Kathryn that was amazing."

"Glad I can still please you." She paused, "We'll see in a couple of months though."

He smiled, "You'll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me."

Kathryn got a pensive look on her face, "I hope everything worked out for Tom and B'Elanna."

"I'm sure it did. Tom likes his body parts intact."

Kathryn laughed, "True."

Chakotay spooned Kathryn, "Computer lights to 10% illumination."

They fell into a much needed sleep.

[0600 hours Janeway Quarters]

The alarm rang and Janeway smacked it with her hand. "Reset alarm 24 hours."

Chakotay was up making breakfast already. "God Chakotay; what the hell are you doing?"

"Making breakfast for my two favourite ladies."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Chakotay that was lame." Kathryn quickly got dressed donning her maternity uniform.

Three months ago, he had spoken to her saying she would fill the new uniform out nicely. Chakotay's words were prophetic it seemed. "Come on Kathryn, it's time to eat."

Kathryn sat down at the dining room table and stared at the plates of food adorning the table. "Chakotay you can't possibly expect me to eat all of this."

Chaktoay smiled showing off the dimples she loved so much. "I expect you to eat something. Taya needs it."

She shook her head in confusion, "Taya?"

"Unless you have a different name picked out."

Kathryn smiled, "I honestly hadn't even thought about it. Since Jennica I haven't thought about baby names."

Chakotay's smile dropped as he placed a hand on her belly. "Jennica was a part of your past life Kathryn. Taya is a part of your new one."

"So what's the significance of the name Taya, Chakotay?"

"Taya is the feminine form of the name Chakotay." He paused, "And I think it's pretty and goes perfectly with the last name Janeway."

There was a chime at the door which brought them both out of their moment of completion and Kathryn slowly got up from the table to answer the door; wondering who would be disturbing them at this early hour.

Kathryn watched the door opening and saw B'Elanna standing there in front of her, pain and anguish showing on her tear stained visage. She had tears running down her face. Kathryn stared at her friend concerned. "Oh my god B'Elanna what happened?"

She drew in a deep breath, "Last night...Tom proposed to me. I said yes, told him I was pregnant. He told me that was great."

Kathryn shook her head. "So why are you crying?"

She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve. "Then last night while we were making love...he cried out your name."

Kathryn's eyes widened in surprise. "I thought nothing of it; I thought it was just a memory from a past that was hard to forget. You being his first and all."

Kathryn nodded. "I mean he lost his virginity to you Kat, and you gave him his first born."

Kathryn smiled, "Okay but you're going to give him his son B'Elanna."

B'Elanna gave a wry grin. "I thought he was happy about it too Kat, but while we were sleeping last night I woke up to go pee and as I was leaving his arms, I felt him rubbing my tummy and talking about Jennica."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open. "He never even approached me about Jennica until we came aboard Voyager."

"Well there are obviously some things that the two of you have to work out before these babies come." She drew her arm around the room pointing at Janeway's belly and then her own.

Chakotay walked into the room as B'Elanna was leaving the Janeway Quarters. "What happened Kat?"

She shook her head, "I don't know. I don't think Tom is over Jennica...even though it's been over 20 years."

Chakotay looked at her, "You hid it, he ignored it...now it's coming to the surface. The two of you have to work this out."

Kathryn nodded, "We have to get going to the bridge Chakotay. We are the ship's two more senior officers, personal problems or not."

Chakotay laughed, "So now we have personal problems huh?"

Kathryn glared at Chakotay, "You know what I mean. Let's go."

[0800 hours bridge]

Kathryn sat on the bridge in her command chair and looked at the back of the sandy-haired pilot's head. Chakotay bent over to talk to her. "Kathryn, you have to try and fix this."

"What am I supposed to do Chakotay?"

"Talk to him."

"And what will that do to help?"

Chakotay sighed, "Possibly get your chief engineer in better spirits; after this morning's run, I wouldn't want to be in engineering."

Kathryn glared at him. "Fine, but no guarantees this will help anything."

Kathryn placed a hand on her belly feeling Taya move. "Mr. Paris, can you please come to my ready room: We need to chat."

Tom got up from the pilot's seat and made his way towards her ready room.

When they both entered, Janeway spun around. "Mr. Paris, what the hell is your problem?"

Tom approached Kathryn and placed his lips on hers in a searing kiss. "Can you honestly say you didn't feel anything?"

Kathryn backed up and slapped him. "Tom, it's over. In all honesty I'm not sure there was ever anything there. The fumblings of teenage angst that's all it was. And that was 20 years ago."

She pulled her hand down and touched her belly, "I have a baby on the way and this time it's not yours. Go back to B'Elanna and fix this before it's too late."

"This baby may not be mine, but I could help you raise it, if you wanted."

Kathryn's eyes went wide. "There is no us Tom. There never was an us. There was a moment in time, that happened many years ago, that had lasting repercussions but...we both have children on the way with other people. I have never been happier than I am with Chakotay. And you...you need to take this chance with B'Elanna while you still have it."

Tom stared at Janeway. "I want you though."

"Not gonna happen Tom, let it go."

Tom turned around and walked out of the ready room. Not two minutes later there was a chime again. "Come."

Chakotay walked into the ready room and saw Kathryn staring out the window, hand on her baby. He walked up behind her and put his hands on the child she carried within. "She's active today."

Kathryn smiled, "I know."

Chakotay drew in a deep breath, "So what happened?"

Kathryn sighed, not sure what to say. "Tom made the moves on me, he actually suggested the two of us moving on together, leaving you and B'Elanna out of this." She shook her head, "He kissed me Chakotay."

Chakotay stared at her perplexed and confused. "He what?"

"He came right into my ready room and kissed me."

Chakotay stared at his wife surprised, "And...?"

"And I felt nothing: Nothing at all."

Chakotay approached his wife and hugged her, Taya coming between them. He felt a kick to the gut. "Oww..."

"Oh stop being a baby Chakotay."

He laughed, "Do I get to say the same thing when you're in labour?"

Kathryn glared at him. "No, I'll have a reason to be whining."

They both walked out of the ready room and back to the bridge.

As they were walking out, Chakotay turned to Kathryn. "Kathryn I have to go see B'Elanna, she's going to be in quite an uproar if she hears about this from anyone besides me or Tom."

Kathryn put a hand on his chest. "I'll see you soon, and wish B'Elanna and baby B'E the best."

Chakotay smiled and headed for the turbolift,

Chakotay got into the turbolift and knew what he had to do. He had to make B'Elanna see that there was never going to be anything between Kathryn and Tom, and that she and Tom had to make things work for the baby.

Chakotay walked into engineering and didn't see B'Elanna anywhere. He walked up to her upper workstation and she was still absent. "Computer locate lieutenant Torres?"

"Lieutenant Torres is in Engineering, level two."

Chakotay nodded, *So she's hiding out in her office is she?*

He rang the chime to her office, and waited to be let in. "Go away Chakotay, I don't want to hear whatever went on."

Chakotay was taken aback, "Lieutenant, I'm still the Commander."

Chakotay shook his head. "What do you think went on Lieutenant?"

B'Elanna exploded, "I don't know and I don't understand how you can be so cavalier about it."

"B'Elanna there is nothing going on between them, well not from Kathryn's side anyway: I know that for sure."

"You can't say that, you aren't with them every moment of the day."

He sighed, "It's something that happened between them years ago. They will always be linked with Jennica, just like you and Tom will always be linked with your child, and Kathryn and I will always be linked by Taya!"

"You don't know that."

"I do know that and you should believe me."

B'Elanna drew in a deep breath and put her hands to her tummy."

Chakotay rushed over to B'Elanna, "B'E, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, "I don't know. Just...something..."

B'Elanna let out a scream and Chakotay caught her as she was falling to the ground. "Oh my god, that hurt!"

Chakotay looked at her sympathetic, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, a cramp..." She let out a groan."

Chakotay hit his commbadge, "Chakotay to sickbay, medical emergency in engineering."

"I'll be right there Commander."

B'Elanna put her hand between her legs and felt and saw the blood trickle out. "I think I'm losing the baby Chakotay, help me!"

Chakotay held her and kept her as safe as he could until he talked to the transporter chief and the two were whisked away to sickbay.

Chakotay put his head in his hands, and let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Chakotay to Janeway."

"Yes, Commander."

"There was a problem in engineering, can you ask Tom to report to sickbay?"

Kathryn was sitting on the bridge, staring at the viewscreen, her attention immediately turned to Paris. "He'll be right there Commander."

A red ensign took Tom's place and Tom looked questioningly at Kathryn. "Captain?"

Kathryn held up her hand to silence his questions. "Janeway out."

She turned to Tom, "You're needed in sickbay."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure exactly there was an emergency there and Chakotay said you're needed there immediately."

Tom nodded and made his way to the turbolift and off the bridge, hoping everything was okay.

Chakotay exited the same turbolift that Tom entered. He walked up to Janeway, "Can I talk to you in your ready room for a minute?"

Janeway nodded to Tuvok, "Tuvok you have to bridge, the Commander and I need to talk in my ready room."

Tuvok took it with a grain of salt and nodded his approval.

Chakotay and Janeway walked into the ready room and Janeway spun on him. "So what happened?"

He put his head down, "I'm not sure, but I think B'Elanna miscarried the baby."

Janeway shook her head, "This isn't fair Chakotay. She's my best friend, and after everything she won't even be able to look at me, carrying a healthy baby."

He tilted her head up to look at him, "She'll get over it. She doesn't blame you, there's no reason to."

"But she still will it's an emotional reaction that she can't help."

Chakotay reached his hand up and stroked Kathryn's face. "I love you, you know that right?"

Kathryn nodded tears in her eyes. "I know, and I love you my angry warrior."

Chakotay grinned at the inside name that he had shared with her one day many years ago, and he couldn't believe that she still remembered it.

"Kathryn I told you that story like 20 years ago."

"And I still remember it and still cherish it."

She paused, trying to remember the exact words he had told to her all those years ago after the ball. King and Queen indeed. "You told me about an angry warrior, who lived in conflict with the rest of his tribe. He never found happiness until he found his queen."

She paused thinking hard, "You really hurt me when you left and never contacted me you know."

"Kathryn I was sent on a classified mission; I couldn't contact you; and don't think I didn't want to. I thought about you every day."

She smiled, "That's okay, looks like we're making up for lost time here."

"Looks that way." He placed a hand on her 'baby bump'. "You know, all I ever wanted was to make you my queen, to marry you and have you bear my children, and now it's happening."

"Children?"

Chakotay laughed, "Okay we'll start with one."

Kathryn laughed, "Well we'd better go to the bridge and see what kind of trouble our crew is getting into; and see what's going on with Tom and B'Elanna."

The words were prophetic, as the commbadge rang. "Doctor to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"I'm sorry to inform you that Lieutenant Torres has lost the baby."

Kathryn sighed. "Thank you for informing us doctor. We'll be in sickbay soon."

"Thank you Captain."

"Janeway out."

[1000 hours – sickbay]

Tom came rushing through the doors. "B'Elanna? What happened?"

B'Elanna screamed out in pain and the doctor rushed over to her and injected her with a hypospray. "Mr. Paris, either gown up and help or stay quiet and go to the back area of sickbay. I need to get this foetus out of her now."

Paris stared at the doctor, the weight of the words finally coming down on him full force. "She's losing the baby?"

The doctor nodded and went back over to B'Elanna's bedside to look at the readings.

Tom slowly walked up to B'Elanna and took her hand. "I'm sorry B'Elanna, I never meant for anything like this to happen; and I still want to marry you, and some day we can try for another baby."

B'Elanna was out of it but nodded. When she finally looked like the pain was subsiding she said, "I have to make sure you've dealt with the Jennica thing and Kathryn Janeway first."

Tom was rubbing hypnotic circles on her thumb, trying to get B'Elanna to look at him. "Hey, honey we all have pasts. I'm sorry that my past came to haunt us here on Voyager, but nothing like what happened today will ever happen again."

B'Elanna looked at him. "You can't promise me that."

Tom shook his head, "Yes I can. If today proved anything it's that Kathryn Janeway has moved on and it's time I did the same."

B'Elanna nodded, "You think we can move on together?"

Tom laughed, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

[1800 hours – Janeway Quarters]

Supper was ready and Chakotay had set the table. "Kathryn...supper."

Janeway walked out of the bedroom wearing a dress that just made her look more beautiful to him.

"So what did you make us tonight?" She laid a hand on her ever-expanding abdomen.

"Vegetable stir fry."

Kathryn sighed, "Mmmm smells wonderful; you're spoiling me."

"Only because you and my daughter deserve it."

"Oh!"

Chakotay rushed over to Kathryn's side. "What's wrong?"

Kathryn smiled, "Nothing, but I have feet in my ribs."

Chakotay laughed and placed a hand on her belly, trying to feel the movement of his child."

He felt a kick, "Feisty one isn't she?"

"Too feisty sometimes."

He ran a hand up her side. "You're so beautiful Kathryn."

"Yeah and 30 pounds too heavy."

"It's all for a good cause."

His hand lingered close to her breast. "Chakotay, you'd better stop that or no one will get any food in them."

Chakotay laughed and pulled his hand away. "Okay, I just can't help it. This pregnancy is making you hard to take my hands or eyes off of."

She smiled serenely at him. "Well I'm glad one of us likes the way I look."

He smiled, "I'd love the way you looked if you weighed 400 pounds Kathryn."

"I'd kill myself if I weighed that much."

Chakotay chuckled, "And I know you'd never let yourself get to that point."

Kathryn nodded, "I'm going to have to work real hard to get this weight off after Taya comes."

"You'll do fine Kathryn."

She sat down in front of her plate of food and began devouring it. Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Where are you putting it Kathryn?"

"Sorry?"

"The food, where does it go. You've already eaten twice as much as me."

Kathryn glared at him, "Baby needs it."

Chakotay shook his head, "Whatever you say Kathryn. I couldn't get you to eat anything before the pregnancy...now you're devouring it like a starving woman."

Kathryn smiled. "I'll get you for this."

"Is that a promise."

She smiled her quirky half grin. "Don't you know it." She leaned over the table and kissed him. "I think supper's over."

"Time for dessert."

"Mmmhmm."

At her nod at the affirmative, Chakotay picked her up and brought her to the bedroom.

He laid her down and watched as the dress' front parted in front of his eyes, as they went huge at the realization that there was nothing underneath. "We're naughty today aren't we?"

"Hey considering I'm carrying a whole bunch of extra weight in the front disproportionately, and larger breasts are the only good thing I got out of this deal, damn right I am."

Chakotay took that as a hint and dove in to the engorged breasts before him. "You'd better be careful soon those will say 'property of Taya Janeway'."

Chakotay laughed, "She has to share dear."

"Well for the next little while at least: they're all yours."

Chakotay let his tongue lick circles around the now cocoa coloured areolas. "God Chakotay, promise me you'll never stop worshipping me."

"Never my dear."

He went back to his duties as his hands wandered down to where she held their daughter, and paused at her hips to caress them lovingly. "Oh yes Chakotay. Don't stop; keep going."

"Vocal tonight aren't we?"

"Oh yes." She looked at him, "The Captain can sometimes beg."

Chakotay laughed. "Well then let's see if we can't fulfill that request, shall we?"

His hand rubbed her tummy trying to stop the movements of the child within. "Come on Taya, time to quiet down: your mother and I are about to make love."

Kathryn smiled at his gentle caresses. He tweaked her nipple one more time eliciting a moan from Kathryn. He smiled at her and dove between her legs, hitting all the right spots. She screamed out, and the moment was broken by a knock on the wall. "Apparently this isn't what ensign Hargrove wants to hear."

Kathryn laughed, "I'm the Captain and at this moment I don't care."

Chakotay got up and kissed her again, readying himself to enter her center. At her nod to the affirmative, he slowly entered. "Feels so good Chakotay."

His slow up and down movements built yet another orgasm in Kathryn and she smiled at the slow sensual movements.

He could tell she was getting close as her eyes closed and her breathing rate increased. "You okay?"

"Oh yes," she squealed as he felt her inner muscles tighten around his hard shaft. He tried to hold on, increasing Kathryn's pleasure as much as possible. He reached his hand down and rubbed her clit, trying once more to give her more then she was already receiving for the moment.

Finally he couldn't hold back any more. "Let go Chakotay, fill me to the max. Let all those seeds join our daughter."

He nodded and let go spurting into her. "Kathryn!" He screamed, as he finished.

He fell on the mattress, careful of the tiny life she carried. "You were good Chakotay."

He smiled, "So were you my dear."

They smiled and happily fell into a deep and sated sleep.

[2 hours later – Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn's eyes slowly fluttered open, realizing that she needed to empty here bladder. "Chakotay I'll be right back and then we should get dressed and make our way to sickbay. We promised we'd go today."

Chakotay grumbled something unintelligible and rolled over. "Commander: Now!"

Chakotay got out of bed and made his way to the sonic shower. "Fine, let me clean up a bit first, then we'll get dressed and go."

Kathryn nodded her approval. After taking a small washroom break she went into the sonic shower and joined him. "This isn't nearly as sexy as a real shower Chakotay."

Chakotay kissed her lips, "If we did that we'd never get to sickbay, my dear."

Kathryn sighed, "I know. It just seems like too tempting a prospect to pass up." She pointed downwards where he was standing at attention yet again.

Kathryn got on her hands and knees and enveloped him in her mouth. Chakotay tried to make her stand but could not pull himself away from the sensations she was eliciting. "Oh, god."

She pulled away long enough to say, "The pregnancy makes me insatiable."

When he was almost at the point where he could hold back anymore he forced her to stand and impaled her with his cock. Kathryn screamed out at the sudden contact and Chakotay thought for a second he'd hurt her. "No, Chakotay, I'm alright you just surprised me is all."

He looked at her. "You know this kind of defeated the point of a sonic shower."

She laughed, "That's okay we'll just do it again."

Chakotay laughed at the double entendre.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "Not that."

[30 minutes later]

The command couple walked into sickbay. All was dark and the doctor was in his office going over something. B'Elanna lay on a biobed sleeping, and Tom sat by her side, holding her hand. He gave a gentle smile at the couple as they entered sickbay.

"Is she okay Tom?"

"She will be. The doctor had to remove the baby surgically, but now she seems to be recuperating."

Kathryn patted Tom's hand. "Everything will work out Tom."

Tom nodded acceptingly. "I know, this was just hard; and I'm sorry for what I put you and Chakotay through."

Kathryn smiled, "Its okay Tom. We're okay."

Kathryn rubbed the baby bump and went to the doctor's office. "Captain, Commander; are you ill?"

Kathryn shook her head, "We just wanted to check on B'Elanna."

The doctor nodded, "She's fine now. There will be no further complications from her ordeal, and if the lieutenants choose to have more children in the future, I don't see anything stopping them."

"Thank you doctor, it's late we really should be getting some sleep before shift tomorrow."

The doctor nodded, "When B'Elanna comes around I'll tell her you stopped by."

Kathryn took her husband's hand and they walked out of sickbay together, knowing there was happiness and fulfillment on the horizon for many of Voyager's crewmembers.

"How did I get so lucky Chakotay?"

"I could ask you the same question my dear."

They got to their quarters and went to the bedroom where mere hours ago, memories had been made.

"Let's get some sleep for real this time."

Chakotay nodded and spooned her, his hands on her belly waiting for their dreams to finally become reality.

END 3. Partially Fixed

TBC in 4. Changes


	4. Chapter 4

Life Circles

4\. Changes

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Summary: 6 weeks after 'Partially Fixed' Seska returns, can Chakotay refuse her?

Length: 4227 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[6 weeks after Partially Fixed]

Kathryn flopped on the couch it had been one hell of a day. Kathryn had watched Seska leave the ship: it had been proven she was a Cardassian Spy, she had admitted to it. Tom had almost been killed and stolen from them.

She didn't love Tom and she wasn't sure she ever had. She loved Chakotay that was for sure. She rubbed her tummy where the product of their love laid. "Now Taya, you have to stop this. I need to be alert, especially with the threat of the Kazon here."

Chakotay walked out of the bedroom having just changed out of his uniform. "Is this one of those one-sided conversations you have with my daughter?"

Kathryn grinned. "I suppose so, but she knows who's right."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay, "Did they get that problem with the transporters fixed by the time you left the bridge?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No, they're still working on that. Those Kazon are going to kill us."

Kathryn laughed, "Yeah, you wouldn't think a race so primitive would be able to target our transporters so precisely or easily."

Chakotay looked at her, "True, but they do have a Cardassian on board who did work with us for a year."

"True."

Chakotay ran a hand over Kathryn's auburn locks, "I hope our daughter has blue eyes and auburn hair just like her mother."

Kathryn scoffed, "That's not lucky Chakotay. I spent my days at school getting teased for just that."

"Maybe, but look at how beautiful you are now."

Kathryn snuggled against Chakotay's side. "If you say so."

Kathryn grimaced, "My back is killing me."

Chakotay smiled, "Well you are carrying around an extra 20 kilos Kat." He stopped looking at her; she looked like she was in real pain. "Come here, turn around."

Chakotay began massaging her back. "That feels so much better baby."

Kathryn was closing her eyes and looked almost of if she were in complete bliss. "Oh god, that feels good."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow, the sounds she was making almost sounded like she was having an orgasm right there. "It sounds to me Kat, like you're enjoying this a little too much."

Kathryn smiled and turned to meet her lips with his. "Not quite that much. Besides you can't actually find me attractive? I look like a beached whale!"

"Oh Kathryn, when will you learn. This," he patted his hand on the baby, "makes you more attractive."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right."

He reached his hand to her and drew her up off the couch. "Come on Kathryn let's get some sleep."

Kathryn got up off the couch and followed him to the bedroom.

"I need a coffee."

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "You're 32 weeks pregnant Kathryn, you need sleep!"

Kathryn sighed, "Fine."

She put her nightgown on and curled up in bed and before Chakotay even had a chance to get dressed for night he turned around and she was fast asleep.

"Told you, you needed sleep."

[0300 Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn groggily opened her eyes. Something had woken her up. She moaned and went to get up realizing that the mattress under her was soaked.

She shook Chakotay, "Chakotay wake up."

Kathryn's shrill, panicked voice woke him up from his slumber. "What time is it?"

"Time to get to sickbay Chakotay: my water broke."

Oh yes, he was out of bed so fast: "What do you mean your water broke. You're only like 32 weeks pregnant."

"That's why we have to get to sickbay: NOW; and lucky us the transporters are down."

Chakotay went to leave and turned around to realize Kathryn was lumbering towards him with her housecoat half on half off.

Chakotay went and helped her and grabbed his own housecoat. "Why did this happen Kathryn?"

"I have no idea Chakotay, we've been so careful."

Chakotay glared at her, "Maybe the kid is so strung up on caffeine that she wants out now."

"You're funny Chakotay I –" Kathryn groaned and bent over in pain, blood gushing out of her. "What's happening?"

Chakotay slapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to sickbay: medical emergency in the Captain's quarters."

Kathryn was slipping in and out of consciousness as Chakotay gently laid her on the floor. "Stay with me Kathryn."

Chakotay watched his life falling apart before him. "Not Kathryn."

It was then Kes ran into their quarters, and saw Kathryn slumped over barely conscious. "What happened?"

The Commander was almost at the point of hysterics. "I don't know. Her water broke, and then we got up and we were going to make our way to sickbay, and then she slumped over and started bleeding everywhere."

Kes looked at Chakotay, "Panicking isn't helping her Chakotay, you have to be here for her now. We need to get her to sickbay."

Chakotay nodded. And picked his wife up and began carrying her to sickbay.

They reached sickbay and Chakotay placed her gently on a biobed. The doctor right away began scanning her and after much humming and hawing: Chakotay got mad. "What the hell is wrong with her?"

The doctor shook his head and placed a hypospray to Kathryn's neck. "Her waters have broken, and she's haemorrhaging, from the placenta detaching too early. I need to do a foetal transport."

Chakotay stared at the doctor, "The transporters are down Doctor; we have to do something."

"I agree with you Commander, but –"

Their conversation was halted by a hail from the bridge. Harry came on the line. "Kim to Chakotay, I think I have the transporters online."

Chakotay yelled, "Think? How sure are you Ensign?"

Harry was shaken by the Commander's gruff orders. "Fine, I'm sure they're up. B'Elanna verified my conclusion."

Chakotay took in a deep breath. "Thank you Ensign."

The doctor looked at the Commander, "I guess it is okay to try a foetal transport then."

Chakotay nodded and then he went to Kathryn and took her hand, giving her the support she would need.

Chakotay was staring at his wife. "Will the baby be okay?"

"Your daughter should be okay: 32 weeks is early but it's definitely viable."

Chakotay watched quietly as the doctor worked. "Commencing umbilical separation and locking onto the baby's coordinates."

Chakotay watched as his daughter: baby Taya, appeared in the incubator. She was so beautiful. Tiny mind you, but she looked like she was okay. A cry rang out and Chakotay felt tears falling down his cheeks.

"What about Kathryn? Is she going to be okay?"

The doctor nodded, "I stopped the bleeding, and replenished her blood supply: There shouldn't be any more problems with her."

He bent over and prayed that the doctor was right. Holding Kathryn's hand he whispered, "We have a daughter: Taya made it safe and sound."

He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, a reassuring gesture that hopefully would let her know that all was okay. "Doctor, when do you think she'll be out of the woods?"

The doctor smiled Chakotay's way. "She's out of the woods now, and I expect her to wake up in the next three maybe four hours. I suggest in the meantime you go to your quarters and get some sleep: you look like you could use it."

Chakotay nodded and exited sickbay.

He walked to his quarters, set the alarm for three hours from the time he laid down and fell into an exhausted sleep.

[3 hours later Chakotay's Quarters]

Chakotay woke up to the alarm and went to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and stared at the reflection in the mirror.

He normally would have slept in Kathryn's quarters – now their quarters – but with Kathryn in sickbay with what were possibly life threatening injuries, he couldn't do it. The Quarters felt too much like Kathryn, they smelled like Kathryn, they looked like Kathryn's quarters; there was no part of him in those quarters.

Soon it would have to be the quarters they would share with their baby: Taya.

Half an hour later he walked into sickbay, looking for the EMH and for Taya. He heard fussing in corner of sickbay and walked over to the incubator. There was a nametag on the tiny incubator stating this child as 'Taya Janeway'. Everyone knew whose child this was.

Everyone knew this was the progeny of the Captain and Commander.

Everyone knew this child would be the Delta Quadrant Darling.

He smiled and picked up his child, trying to quiet the fussing baby. He realized her bottom was wet and also realized he had forgotten to bring diapers with him.

"Computer activate the EMH.

The doctor materialized and approached Chakotay, "Commander, the Captain has not woken up yet, but I expect her to come out of the drug-induced coma in the next hour.

Chakotay nodded and asked the doctor, "Do you have any diapers here? Taya appears to be wet."

The doctor went over to the cupboard and took out some diapers for the Commander. He changed her tiny bottom and brought her over to Kathryn's side. "The baby is fine Kathryn; and I'm sure that when you wake up she's going to be hungry."

Chakotay held his daughter close to him and patted her little back, as she looked like she was falling asleep. "I think everything is going to be fine with us Taya."

Thirty minutes later Chakotay went to the incubator and placed Taya back, she had fallen asleep.

He heard groaning from the other side of the sickbay and rushed over to where Kathryn lay. "Kathryn?"

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she turned her face towards him. "Chakotay, what happened? Is the ship alright?"

Chakotay laughed, "The ship is okay Kathryn and so is the baby."

Her hands flew to her stomach. "Is Taya okay then?"

"She's fine Kathryn: A little small, but fine."

Kathryn smiled, "Can I see her?"

"Well she just went to sleep, but being a newborn I'm guessing she'll be up in not too long, and hungry to boot."

The prophetic words rang out as they began to hear fussing from the incubator. Chakotay went over and picked up his daughter to bring towards his wife.

Kathryn reached out for the baby, and held her against her body. "Oh Chakotay she looks just like you!"

He laughed, "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

Taya opened her eyes looking at Kathryn. "She has blue eyes Chakotay, look at that."

He ran a hand over her dark baby down and looked down at his daughter's deep blue eyes. "She is beautiful Kathryn. Thank you."

The baby was rooting against Kathryn's breast. "I think she's hungry Chakotay."

He stared at her, "Well then give it a go Kathryn."

Kathryn exposed her breast and the baby latched on. "Wow, it hurts Chakotay."

He smiled, "I'm sure it will get easier Kathryn."

She laughed, "I hope so or I'm not sure I can keep on doing this." She paused as the child finished nursing, "When did the doctor say we could take her home?"

Chakotay sighed, "He said he wants to keep her here for at least two weeks since she was early."

Kathryn nodded in acceptance, "And when can I leave sickbay?"

Chakotay smiled at her fidgety movements. "He said you can probably go home tonight, but you'll have to come in here a couple of times a day at least if you're insistent on breast-feeding her. He told me he can supplement some, but he would like you to come in and feed her if you can."

Kathryn nodded, "Okay thanks. Thank you for taking care of her while I was sick and thank you for taking care of me and making sure she came into the world safe and sound."

"Anything for you my dear." He reached his lips down and kissed her. "I love you, and I have to make it to shift today, and then I'll be back later tonight to pick you up."

[0800 hours – bridge]

Chakotay walked onto the bridge, knowing this was where he needed to be (especially with Kathryn out of commission).

He walked over to the ops station and Harry nodded at him. "Welcome to the bridge Commander, is the Captain okay?"

He smiled at the innocent optimism of Harry Kim, "I would like to say I'm sorry for my response on the comm. line yesterday: I was in a heightened state of agitation. Kathryn was in bad shape and the baby was in trouble."

Harry patted Chakotay on the shoulder, "its okay Commander, everyone understands. How is the baby by the way?"

"Our daughter was born early this morning. She seems to be fine."

"That's great Commander, what's her name?"

"Taya: Taya Janeway."

"That's great Chakotay, I'm so happy that everything worked out for you two."

Chakotay nodded and proceeded to the Command Chair and relieved the lieutenant from Beta shift. And began his shift.

At 1200 hours he left the bridge for lunch, but everyone knew where he was going. He headed for sickbay and saw Kathryn sitting there nursing their daughter. He walked up to the bed, and looked at the baby slowly falling asleep in Kathryn's armed clasped to her breast. "Had any other visitors?"

Well Tom and B'Elanna said they'd be by to see me in our quarters tonight, B'Elanna said it would have to be a quick visit though because she's on in engineering tonight."

"Oh, poor B'Elanna."

"They're still making repairs from the last Kazon attack Kathryn."

She nodded, "Oh I know; and I know how B'Elanna is about her engines."

Kathryn laughed, "No doubt."

Chakotay tilted his head in questioning, "Have you tried getting up and walking yet?"

Kathryn shook her head. "I was going to wait for you and try to do it with you accompanying me."

He went up to her and lifted his sleeping daughter out of her arms: He put her back in the incubator and tucked her under her blankets. He slowly brushed a hand over her tan brow, the child would look more like him than like Kathryn, but the baby had her striking blue eyes and for that he was grateful. To him that was Kathryn's most striking feature aside from her auburn hair, which the baby was not going to be lucky enough to inherit. He could already see the black hair – so much like his own – sprouting out.

Chakotay rubbed a hand over the fine dark hair and picked her up to put her in the incubator before he walked back over to Kathryn's bedside. "Honey, you want to try and get up and walk around a bit?"

Kathryn nodded and Chakotay supported her weight as she slowly got up off the bed. She slowly put one leg in front of the other and walked with her husband over to the incubator where their daughter lay. "She is so beautiful Chakotay, thank you for her."

"Hey you did all the work; I just put her in there."

Kathryn punched his arm playfully. "You helped me a lot during the pregnancy."

Chakotay nodded, "Thank you anyway Kathryn."

[3 hours later]

Chakotay would be on the bridge until about 7pm, but she knew that Tom was done shift at 3, he had had an early shift and would be coming to visit her. Kathryn was still in sickbay until Chakotay came to get her, but she had been informed that right after his shift Tom was coming to see her.

The door to sickbay opened and in came Tom.

"You look great Kathryn."

Kathryn felt an incredulous noise escape her mouth. "Yeah, right."

He paused looking for the right words, "So where's the baby?"

"The doctor thought it would be for the best for her to stay here in sickbay for a couple of more weeks at least: She was quite early after all."

Tom smiled and led her to the chairs by Taya's bassinette going to the replicator and ordering two black coffees. "I want to say I'm sorry for everything the last little while has brought on us. I never meant to get in the middle of yours and Chakotay's relationship."

She smiled and nodded, "I know Tom; and I know that this has been hard on you too. I never meant for it to be like this."

"When do I get to see this baby of yours?"

Kathryn grinned, "Well I have to go over there and feed her in an hour. Let's finish our coffees and then about her feeding time you can come over to that dark area of sickbay and see her: right now she's sleeping; B'Elanna saw her earlier today, so I think it's your turn."

Tom nodded his approval and they continued enjoying their coffees, talking about what was to come.

[45 minutes later – neo-natal area: sickbay]

Kathryn walked over to the incubator and pulled little Taya out to show Tom. "This is Taya Janeway."

The child opened her eyes and Tom saw the bright blue orbs, so much like the eyes of Jennica all those years ago. "She's beautiful Kathryn; she almost looks like Jennica did when she was born.

Kathryn sighed, "Tom, we really shouldn't be talking about this."

There was a moment of shocked silence, as they realized Jennica had never really been dealt with.

He grabbed Kathryn by the arm. "I'm sorry Kathryn, I never meant –"

Kathryn waved off his concern. "Tom, we have to deal with this eventually, and since there isn't a counsellor on board, and Chakotay is out of the question: looks like the doctor is the lucky candidate."

Tom smiled, "Guess so. I never meant for it to be like this Captain, and your child is beautiful."

She smiled, "Thank you Tom."

She smiled at him and took Taya behind the curtain to feed her.

[2 weeks later – Janeway Quarters]

"I'm so happy to have her home Chakotay."

He smiled at her, "And I'm so happy that you decided to continue breastfeeding: It is best for the baby you know."

"I know, I love you both you know that right Chakotay?" she smiled down at the child in her arms nursing.

Chakotay stood back and watched the picture in front of him. Not even a month ago this had been a pipe dream of sorts, now it was reality. Kathryn looked at him with maternal contentment in her eyes. The pain of breastfeeding had lessened and she had bowed into the role of motherhood with gusto.

"Kathryn, I do need to ask you something."

Kathryn put her finger to her lips, in a motion to quiet her husband as the child in her arms had fallen asleep. She carried little Taya to the bassinette in the bedroom and exited closing the door behind her. "Okay Chakotay what's the matter."

He sighed, "I just would like to know how your counselling sessions with Tom and the Doctor are going."

She smiled, "They're going well. I think it all came to a head when Tom commented that Taya looked so much like Jennica when she was born and I realized that I never really dealt with it."

Chakotay nodded, "Are you dealing with it now?"

"I think we both are Chakotay. Whether we realized it or not at the time, having Jennica at such a young age was a traumatic event for us both: For Tom especially having to be raised with his own daughter as his sibling."

Chakotay ran a hand over Kathryn's silky auburn locks. "I'm sorry you had to go through that when you weren't even fully grown yourself."

Kathryn nodded her acknowledgement, "I understand what happened to us: both of us. And whether you like to admit it or not, you and B'Elanna were both a huge part of this."

Chakotay drew in a deep breath, "Did you hear? B'Elanna's expecting a little girl in seven months?"

"Yes I heard, and I am so happy for both of them, I'm glad both Tom and B'Elanna could see past this youthful indiscretion and get on with their lives."

Chakotay nodded, "I'm happy for them too. I know that you and Tom still have some stuff to work out, and I'm glad you're doing this, but how much longer do you think this'll take?"

Kathryn stared at Chakotay confused, "Are you jealous Chakotay?"

He shook his head, "You don't understand Kathryn. You have a baby and a husband that need your support right now, and while I'm glad that you and Tom took this opportunity to work things out: Taya and I need you too."

Kathryn was angry, "I expected more from you Chakotay."

"You're my wife, I need you. You're also the Captain of this ship and the crew needs you too. You're also a mother to Taya and she needs you."

Kathryn turned her back to him, "I'm doing my best Chakotay, but I need a little more time."

Chakotay rushed out of their quarters, but before exiting stated: "I'll be in MY quarters. When this is all over: come see me."

[4 months later]

Chakotay hadn't come back to Kathryn, and now they were stuck on a planet alone. They couldn't bring Taya down here to create a life of solitude for her, she wouldn't let him. Her mind was reeling, she knew she was still in stasis, her eyes wouldn't open and her muscles wouldn't respond.

Her mind went back to what had happened. They were on a routine food finding away mission: she and Chakotay never went together on such missions, but this time, against her better judgement they had both gone.

And then they had been bitten by that damn bug, and now here she was in stasis, praying that they had found a cure.

Kathryn woke up and felt like she was in a coffin. She pushed the lid of the bio-stasis chamber opened and made a shrugging motion to her right at Chakotay who was laying the chamber next to her.

Kathryn swung her legs around and popped out of the chamber, she looked at Chakotay. "I guess they didn't find a cure."

She looked at him, "I won't bring Taya down here: she doesn't deserve it."

He nodded and for the first time in four months it seemed he agreed with what she was saying.

She brought her hand up and touched his face, "Chakotay we're possibly going to have to stay on this planet for the rest of our lives: I don't want Taya here with us."

Chakotay nodded, he looked at her. "Let's leave her with Tom and B'Elanna." They'll provide a stable home for her and she'll have a sister to play with now that B'Elanna is expecting."

Chakotay nodded, "I guess we should message the ship and tell them not to contact the Vidiians and see if Tom and B'Elanna will take Taya for their own if we never get back."

"I agree."

"Janeway to Voyager."

"This is Tuvok, what have you decided Captain?"

"I'm turning over Command of the ship to you Tuvok; and I have to make it clear to you that there will be no contact with the Vidiians."

"Yes Captain."

"Now can you put me through on a private channel to Tom and B'Elanna?"

"Yes, Captain."

Tuvok looked at Paris, "You and Lieutenant Torres will meet in the Captain's ready room; she has a personal message for you."

Tom nodded and headed to wait in the ready room for B'Elanna to show up. B'Elanna walked into the ready room. "What's this all about?"

"I don't know. Tuvok just said to message Kathryn privately when you got here."

B'Elanna nodded and placed a hand on her stomach where their baby rested. "Paris to Janeway, B'Elanna and I are here and this is a private channel."

"I assume you've heard that we can't continue the voyage with you."

"Yes Captain, but what does that have to do with us?"

"We'd like you to take care of Taya for us. We know that you'll impress upon her our values and make sure she knows who we were. And you're going to be giving her a little sister in a little while."

Tom nodded and looked at B'Elanna who nodded in agreement. "I love Taya and I have to let her go, there is no way I'm sentencing her to a life of loneliness and exile because I want to be the one to raise her."

Tom looked one more time at B'Elanna for reassurance, at her nod he continued the conversation. "We'll do it Captain, but only until hopefully you're returned to us."

"Very well, Janeway out."

She looked at Chakotay, "Well that's done now. We might be stuck here for a while."

Chakotay nodded. "Yes Captain."

She let out a breath, "Come on Chakotay, you can call me Kathryn, we've had our disagreements but we're married. We have a daughter together; we used to love each other: I know I still love you and I hope you feel the same way."

At Chakotay's nod, the couple went to set up the modular shelter that would become their home.

END 4. Changes

TBC in 5. Resolution: Making it Work


	5. Chapter 5

Life Circles

5\. Resolution: Making it Work

J/C

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Summary: Directly after Changes, Let's do 'Resolutions' properly.

Length: 3621 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[Directly after 'Changes']

The modular home was set up. They were looking around the darkened room. "Kathryn, we have to make this work." He saw the tears, "What's wrong Kathryn?"

"I miss Taya already Chakotay. She was our daughter, and now she'll be raised by someone else. It feels like Jennica's story all over again."

She continued crying, and Chakotay approached her, "I know this whole thing, and especially the last month has been hard on you: but we have to work this out."

Kathryn glared at Chakotay: "You have no idea. I finally let someone in, finally have the baby I've wanted since Jennica was born and now I have to give her up because I'm stuck on some planet because of an insect bite." She paused, breaking down into tears again, "It's not fair Chakotay."

He looked at her, "Yes but we have each other."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "You wouldn't know it in the last six months would you? We were so far apart; I don't think you really got a chance to see Taya during the last few months, maybe that's why this isn't hitting you so hard: maybe you should thank you lucky stars Chakotay."

Chakotay walked up to her and brushed her hair out of her eyes, "Kathryn, I don't think that missing out on the first little bit of our child's life was a blessing."

Kathryn let the tears flow, "You didn't miss out Chakotay, all you missed out on was feedings and diaper changing."

Chakotay laughed, "Yes but it was something, and I missed out on you."

Kathryn smiled, "Maybe this is God's way of telling us that we need to be together, maybe this is our chance to make things right again."

Kathryn stared at him, "I need to keep looking for a cure Chakotay: I have to at least try and get back to Taya and to our life."

Chakotay nodded, and went back to trying to make headboards for their beds. Day in and day out, Kathryn searched for the cure: Prayed that she would find it and that they would get back to their lives on Voyager. They slept in different beds, never made love; it had been two weeks.

Then came the storms. He went to find her, he had to find her; he had to get her back safe and sound.

Chakotay ran through the woods: She had to be here somewhere. "Kathryn!" He was yelling, he had to find her make their past and future alright. Then he saw a flash of colour in the darkness of the woods, "Kathryn. Are you hurt?"

"No. I couldn't keep my balance and carry the case."

"Give it to me."

"What's happening?"

"It seems to be some kind of plasma storm. Our tricorders don't recognise it, but it sure packs a wallop!"

They had then cuddled under the table, him holding her: making sure she was safe. Making sure that they would be okay.

The insect traps, the computer, everything went flying and Kathryn made a valiant effort to save them, she wanted to exit the safe cocoon of this arms, but he wouldn't let it happen. He needed her safe and sound with him.

Then he turned her around and forced himself to look at her, instead of holding her back to him she was now facing him and she reached out and kissed him.

Then the kiss got deeper, and all of a sudden it felt almost like old times. She looked at him and again the kissing continued; and at that moment he knew he still loved her: always had and always would.

His hand reached up under her dress and approached her breast. In the moment Kathryn felt like it was old times.

And she realized, no matter when, no matter how, no matter why: her life was inextricably linked to his forever.

They made love under the table to the sounds of the thunder and the bright flashes of lightening, and she had never felt more safe and sound then she did at that moment.

The next morning they cleaned up the hut, they worked all day and the traps that Kathryn had so fastidiously worked on - hoping for it to be their way out - were no longer a viable option.

Kathryn had to let go, and he hoped that the one moment under the table, during the storm: was enough to save their lives and their marriage.

The next morning and for the full next day they spent cleaning; cleaning the whole area around the shelter and fixing the hole in the shelter itself.

That night, something happened that was odd in itself but felt so right. Her neck was killing her, she had made some offhanded comment about 'not being used to that kind of work', and he had given her a back massage...and she had moaned, it had felt so good.

And then she'd stood up not sure where anything was going, including her life on this desolate planet.

They were going to be there for the rest of their lives.

And she had two choice: a) love him and make him hers forever, which was definitely a possibility considering she was married to him or b) give up and take their life and friendship as far as it would go without the love she really couldn't live without.

She got up and turned to him taking his hand and making her way with him to her sleeping area.

When she got there, she took her hand from his and slowly began undressing. "This time it's not because of fear and absolute terror that everything is going to go away for us: This time it's because of love."

Chakotay watched the show in front of him and knew that she had finally given up to their fate.

"You are so beautiful Kathryn, I need you to know that and believe it."

Kathryn nodded in acceptance and tilted her head up to kiss him.

The kiss was just like it had been in the beginning and the many days after that. Their love would flourish whether or not they ever returned to Voyager. They had each other and in that moment it was all they needed.

[2 weeks later]

They had gotten into a routine. Their lives were flourishing, the 'Talaxian Tomatoes' were thriving, much like their love life was. Perhaps a vacation away from everything was all they needed. She still sorely missed Taya and so did he, but Kathryn knew that in the hands of Tom and B'Elanna, she would be getting a good upbringing.

Kathryn was running her hands over the dirt in the garden, making sure the tomatoes were growing well. They couldn't see anything else growing well like Taya, but maybe, maybe if her gut instincts were right they had made a baby that night under the table.

A brother or sister for the one they had been forced to leave behind but would always be alive in their thoughts and their memories.

She wiped the dirt off her hands onto the pale blue dress that she wore and placed a hand on her belly, hoping that cells were lying there dividng and creating a future for them all.

She smiled at the thought, and watched her husband sit down beside her as she smiled and let the sun beam down on her.

He looked at her, "How are they coming?"

"Very nicely. We should have vine-ripened Talaxian tomatoes in a couple of months, unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato bugs. Oh, they're awful."

"I would never have thought of you as a gardener."

"I grew up around farmers. My parents insisted we learn some basic gardening skills."

"Did you hate that as much as camping?"

"Of course; who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics? But I find it very satisfying now watching the seeds sprout and grow." She smiled at him, refusing to share her hunch until it was either more obvious, or until she was sure.

"If your tomatoes could spare you for a minute, I'd like your opinion on something in the house."

"You've come to the right person. I always have an opinion."

"Really?" She got up off the ground and linked arms with him, walking together into the house and all she could think was she couldn't have picked a better person then him to be stuck on an uninhabited planet with.

When they got into the house, Chakotay had pulled out a schematic of something, immediately asking her opinion. "What do you think?"

"A boat!"

"You said you wanted to explore the river. I think I could build this."

She looked at him, excited at the prospects that this could create for them. "We could go on a camping trip."

"I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat."

"Well, that's all right. I'll have the river." She smiled at him, knowing the unsaid words that were there. They could enjoy the river together.

A muffled noise began to make itself known, shattering their perfect life. "Captain Janeway, do you read me?"

She looked at Chakotay her eyes dropping, realizing that their dreams were crashing down on them. "Do you hear that?"

"Yes."

Tuvok's voice came over their commbadges now, almost forgotten in the months they had been there. "Captain Janeway, do you read me? This is Tuvok calling Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond."

"This is Janeway."

Tuvok's voice rang out, taking away the last vestiges of their dream life: "Captain, it's good to hear your voice. We have news."

"What is it?"

"We have medicine which we believe will effectively treat your condition. We plan to be in orbit within thirty hours."

Kathryn stared at Chakotay and he knew that she knew that they had to go back. "Looks like we'll get the chance to see Taya grow up after all."

He smiled and ran a hand along her cheek, "And I'm so glad that we will too."

She smiled, "And maybe we'll get the chance to give her a brother or sister?"

Chakotay nodded, "I'd like that."

Kathryn smiled at him, "Well we do have thirty hours to try and make that a reality..."

Chakotay smiled, "Yes, we could do that, but who knows: We may have already succeeded."

She swatted him playfully on the arm. "Well, whether we succeed or not, trying is fun."

"True, shall we go and find out exactly how fun it can be."

Kathryn nodded and stretched her arm out for Chakotay to take.

[30 hours later – Outside Modular Shelter 'New Earth']

"Ready?"

Kathryn saw the monkey and decided to make one last attempt to communicate with the primate before she decided it was time to go to resume their old lives. Chakotay bent down and gave Kathryn one last kiss, saying goodbye to their lives there but assuring her some things would continue. "I love you Kathryn: never question that."

She smiled and tapped her commbadge, "Two to beam up."

They materialized on the transporter pad on Voyager and were immediately whisked away to sickbay to be treated.

They arrived in sickbay and the doctor made his way to them immediately herding them towards the biobeds and the inoculants that the Vidiians has assured them would work.

The doctor scanned Kathryn and Chakotay one last time, and then scanned the innoculents. "My god, these won't work. They're formulated to re-code the genes not to rid you of the virus but rather force your body to co-exist with them!"

Chakotay shook his head, "Does that mean that we have to go back down to the planet?"

The doctor scanned Janeway again, forcing her to lie down on the biobed. "Ah, Commander I see you two were busy down there."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The Captain is three weeks pregnant, and it appears that the foetus is the answer to all your problems?"

Kathryn stared at the computer terminal. "My god Chakotay, the baby has hybrid cells that will treat the disease."

Kathryn stared at the doctor, "Will this cause any problems for the baby?"

The doctor shook his head, "No your daughter will be fine."

Chakotay grinned, "Did you hear that Kathryn, we're going to have another girl."

The doctor blew imaginary dust off his fingers, "And a son."

Now it was Kathryn's turn to look astonished, "Twins?"

The doctor nodded, "And perfectly healthy in the third week of gestational growth. I don't foresee any problems with the pregnancy."

Chakotay put a hand on Kathryn's abdomen, "Twins."

"Speaking of children doctor, when do you think we'll be 'cured' of this disease?"

The doctor took out a hypospray and put it against Kathryn's belly, "I just removed a sample of amniotic fluid from the Captain's uterus. I'll recode an antibody, inject it into you two and you should be good to go. I'm guessing an hour at the very most."

Kathryn looked into Chakotay's eyes and smiled, "And then we can see Taya again."

He nodded, "And our new life can begin."

She leaned over and kissed Chakotay. "Janeway to Torres."

"Torres here, nice to hear your voice Captain."

"We're going to be stuck with the doctor for another hour, then do you think you can bring Taya down to sickbay to see her parents?"

They both heard Torres smiling over the line, "Of course Kathryn."

[50 minutes later – sickbay]

"Well you two appear to be fully cured."

Kathryn took Chakotay's hand and placed it over her abdomen, "Looks like we're going to have to thank these two when they get old enough to understand."

Chakotay laughed, "Or we can thank ourselves for creating them."

Kathryn tilted her head, "Too true."

She reached up and kissed him as his hand made her way down to her abdomen. He pulled back, "I love you Kathryn."

"I love you too baby."

She pulled away and they heard the doors to sickbay open. In walked a very pregnant B'Elanna and Tom holding baby Taya. "I thought you might want this back." Tom stated handing nine month old Taya to her mother.

"Well hello darling, I'm your mother."

The baby gurgled and Kathryn handed the baby back to her father. "And I'm your father, and hopefully we'll never have to leave you again." Chakotay kissed his daughter on the cheek and pulled her away and watched as her blue eyes opened.

B'Elanna turned to the couple, "Well looks like you two made up, and good thing too. I wasn't looking forward to a nine month old and a newborn."

"Well we're gonna have to care of two newborns and a 17 month old."

B'Elanna's jaw dropped, "You two? Twins?"

Chakotay nodded, "I wasn't going to say anything but Kathryn gave up on that idea."

The Paris couple laughed, "Seems you two can't keep a secret very well."

Kathryn smiled, "But we would like to keep this out of the betting pools, and to the five of us for now." She glared at the doctor.

The doctor raised his hands in defeat. "I won't say anything Captain. If it's put out in the open, it's not going to be from me."

Kathryn nodded, "Thank you doctor."

Chakotay took Kathryn by the arm, with Taya in the other, "Let's go home sweetheart."

Kathryn nodded and they finally left sickbay hopefully for the last time until the next checkup.

They went to bed that night, Taya having fallen asleep in her father's arms. She took the baby from Chakotay's arms and put her down for the night. She turned to Chakotay, "This is the best thing that could have happened to us Chakotay."

He smiled, "I know, and thank you Kathryn: for everything."

Kathryn put her hand on her on her abdomen joining her husband's. "I love this Chakotay, and I think we made these two under the table that night."

"That's what I've been thinking; I think that night was a new beginning for all of us."

Kathryn nodded, and laid back and fell into an exhausted sleep. Perhaps all would be okay after all.

[2 Weeks Later – Hanon Settlement]

Chakotay stared at Kathryn. "I was never good at this, and I'm still not."

"None of the other people have had any luck with it either, must be the wood."

He stared at her hair; the hair he knew so well. "What?"

"Something my father once told me about starting a fire."

Twenty minutes later, all the women with long hair were getting bits chopped off to try and start a fire for warmth. Harry had drawn the short straw and was the one forced to chop off Kathryn's mane.

Chakotay's heart almost broke when he saw the long strands getting given to him, but it worked they started a fire. And deep down he knew, even though he'd never admit it that Kathryn's hair had been the catalyst that started the fire.

The fire started Kathryn walked over to B'Elanna who didn't look too happy. "Are you okay B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna nodded and took Baby Taya out of her arms. "How much longer did you say you had?"

"I was due two days ago Kat."

Kathryn went and grabbed Taya, and walked back over to where B'Elanna was sitting, obviously in discomfort.

"Are you okay B'Elanna?" Kathryn paused looking at her, "Seriously?"

Chakotay walked up to the group. "So what's going on ladies? We have some eggs and some cucumbers ready to go for our 'mother's to be'." B'Elanna screamed out and felt the waters break that suspended the child within. "Well then, soon to be mothers."

Kathryn rubbed her tummy feeling the little bump where the twins were nestled. "Chakotay, how long do you think we'll be here? Do you think Tom managed to get out of Voyager and get help for us?"

Chakotay patted her on the shoulder, "I don't know honey; hopefully."

Chakotay reached around her and placed a hand on her belly. "How are my wife and kids today?"

She rubbed her stomach, "We're fine, I hope that Tom made it and will get a chance to see his daughter."

He nodded, "I know he'd so anything to get back to his wife and baby girl Kathryn, and I know he'll get Voyager back."

"I hope so Chakotay, I hope so."

[Six hours later – Voyager settlement]

"Oh...god." B'Elanna was panting, "Is this almost over?"

Kathryn walked up to B'Elanna, "Sweetheart, you're almost there. Sorry we didn't have a doctor here guess you're going to have to deal with me instead."

B'Elanna wept, "I wish Tom was here, I hope he's okay."

Kathryn smiled at her friend, "If there's one thing I know about Tom Paris: he's too stubborn to die."

B'Elanna laughed, and then a contraction swept over her and she screamed out as the head began to pass through the cervix. Kathryn looked and saw the head poking out a little. "B'Elanna, you're doing so well. I want you to know that you can do this."

B'Elanna nodded and took in a deep breath and pushed again, the head showing a little more. "B'Elanna, one more push and the head should be out; and then you'll be almost done."

B'Elanna was panting, then the contraction ended and she looked at Kathryn. "I hope you're in as much pain as I am when your time comes."

Kathryn glared at her, "I'm sure I will be and for the record, I've already done this twice naturally; and this time it'll be two at the same time."

B'Elanna gasped as the contractions started again and she pushed with all her might: then the head was out. "B'Elanna, he's adorable."

B'Elanna glared at Kathryn, "She, It's a girl Kathryn remember."

Kathryn smiled, "Well, then she's almost here."

Kathryn drew in a deep breath putting her hand on her abdomen, and gasped. "My god, one of the twins just moved."

B'Elanna stared at her, "It's all about you isn't it Kat?" She screamed and pushed her daughter into Kathryn's waiting hands. B'Elanna fell back exhausted, "Is she okay?"

Kathryn grinned, "Better than okay B'Elanna: She's beautiful."

Kathryn clamped the cord, and cut it with a sharp rock. She took the beautiful baby girl and passed her to her mother. "Congratulations."

Kathryn got up and walked out of the cave into the arms of Chakotay. "How's everything going in there?"

"Beautiful baby girl."

He grinned showing his dimples. "I have to congratulate her when she feels up to visitors."

"I felt the babies move Chakotay. It was so beautiful." She paused, "Do you think the crew knows?"

He ran his hands along her abdomen proving that she was starting to show, "I think they will soon dear."

Kathryn reached her lips up to his and kissed him full on, in front of the crew: they didn't care anymore. "I love you Chakotay, and our children too."

She looked at his empty hands, "Where's Taya?"

"Samantha has her, with Susan Nicoletti: I figured you were busy here with B'Elanna from what I heard."

"And what did you hear?"

"A lot of yelling and screaming, but I'm glad you were there with her."

She grinned, "Maybe our Voyager family will make it after all."

"Hopefully, and hopefully Tom will re-join it soon."

They embraced each other, as they got lost in the moment.

End Resolution: Making it Work

To be continued in 6. Bleeding Love


	6. Chapter 6

Life Circles

6\. Bleeding Love

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

April 2009

By: AW

Length: 2415 words

Summary: 4 weeks after 'Resolution: Making it Work'. They return from Hanon, and the J/C and P/T stories converge.

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[4 weeks after Resolution: Making it Work]

B'Elanna stared at her four week old baby. They had slowly begun to build a life for themselves on Hanon. The settlement had become more than a stopgap measure, it had become their home. B'Elanna placed little Miral on her breast and watched Kathryn walk in. Her tummy was beginning to show the signs of pregnancy and she smiled. At least she knew that little Miral would have some playmates on this planet, that and Naomi Wildman and baby Taya.

B'Elanna beckoned Kathryn over and passed the baby to her. Chakotay walked in, Taya in his arms. B'Elanna looked at the now almost year-old-girl and prayed they would all be okay here on Hanon. B'Elanna wiped a tear from her eyes, and looked at Kat.

"I know you miss him B'Ella, but he'll come get us. We all have to believe that." Kathryn put a hand on her belly and felt the twins squirming around. Chakotay came up behind her and enveloped her in a hug. "Moving around a lot aren't they?"

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Too much. Look at me! I'm huge."

Chakotay stared at her, "You said that with Taya too, and if you ask me both B'Elanna and Samantha were bigger than you were."

She drew in a deep breath, "Yes but this time I have two in there."

Chakotay laughed, "Just think about it this way; two babies only one labour."

"Oh that makes me feel better, I still have to push two kids out."

Chakotay brought a hand up and ran it across her cheek. "I think you're the most beautiful woman on this planet Kat."

She stared at him, "That's easy to say, did you see the locals?"

Chakotay looked at her incredulous. "Yes but there are 156 Voyager crewmembers here too, and you're still prettier than all of them."

"Fine, fine...but I'm still huge."

"If I agree with you can we stop this silly conversation?"

Kathryn nodded, "Sounds good to me. I am the Captain after all which makes me right."

Chakotay rolled his eyes, "Okay Kathryn, we'll go with that." He watched as her hands rubbed over her tummy. "I guess we should tell people."

"They probably have guessed by now Kathryn; you're showing and cranky."

"I am not cranky Chakotay."

"Do you want me to take a poll Kathryn?"

She rolled her eyes, "Chakotay in the last month I've had my ship taken away from me, found out I was pregnant and carrying twins; got stuck on a planet with my crew in the middle of nowhere..." She paused and looked up from where she was sitting, "You'd be cranky too."

Chakotay nodded, "I know honey, but we have to depend on each other, even when we're cranky."

Kathryn began crying and looked at her husband, "Damn hormones."

He chuckled, "Yes but they're doing something amazing, so for now you'll just have to deal with them." He reached up and wiped the tears away. "I'd say you'd better open a comm. channel and we'll make the announcement, but at the moment that's not possible."

"I know babe, but Tom will come through for us."

"I hope so Chakotay: Miral needs a father."

She looked at him, and brought his hands around her to touch the baby bump: "Our child needs a father too, promise me you'll never leave me."

He pulled her to him, "Not by choice Kathryn; it if it was my choice, I'd be here for you forever."

She spun around and kissed him full on the lips. "I guess I can't ask anything more from you."

[5 Days Later – Voyager settlement]

Kathryn didn't like to admit it, but she wasn't sure if Tom had made it. She wasn't sure if he was coming back to them or to his wife and daughter: and she hated it.

Chakotay watched her as she got the stuff together, she had made plans to start building, she was going to try and make this desolate planet into a home; much like she had tried with New Earth.

[2 weeks later]

The settlement was thriving. Despite her earlier trepidation Kathryn had made a home here with Chakotay and their children on the way.

B'Elanna was doing better, and despite the fact that her husband had not returned yet; she still held out hope for a miracle.

Then that same day after a complete day of hunting and gathering B'Elanna looked up from the ledge where they all waited after the lava flow had subsided in the lower grounds.

The Voyager returned, and B'Elanna knew as did Kathryn that Tom had come through for them. Chakotay patted Kathryn on the shoulder and pointed up showing where the Voyager swept in, like a beacon of light in the darkness: home would no longer be a desolate planet in the Delta Quadrant.

Kathryn smiled and as she felt the twins moving around inside her belly, she knew that things would be okay.

[3 months later]

Kathryn stretched against the wall of her ready room, forcing her belly out to alarming proportions.

Chakotay stared at her, "You okay honey?"

She threw him a half smile. "I will be in a few more months when these kids disembark from my bladder."

Chakotay laughed, "No doubt. Have you seen Miral lately?"

Kathryn shook her head, "Not in the last week, we've been so busy with fixing the ship after the Kazon had their way with it."

"I know, but you have to take it easy: You're almost six months pregnant, and the ship is doing okay."

Kathryn nodded, "I know, it's just like it was with Taya though: hard to let go of the Captain."

"I know, but in the next few months you're going to have to let go of some of that control when these two are born anyway."

"I know, I know: but not just yet."

Chakotay grinned, "For now."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Indeed honey, I had a feeling that you wouldn't take that answer forever."

"Kathryn, it will be okay. I think we have to work on dealing with the Nechisti Order, they want us to visit their sacred shrines."

"I heard Kes wants to come down there with us."

"Yeah I'm thinking of sending Kes, Neelix, B'Elanna and Harry."

"I'm glad you're finally paying attention to my askance that you not go on away missions."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "I just don't want to hear you complain if something goes wrong."

He smiled at her, showing his dimples, "And thank you again Kathryn."

She nodded and went to walk out to the bridge. "Kim, Torres: you're going down to the planet, and I'm sending Kes and Neelix with you. Maybe we can trade for some of the supplies we need."

Kim nodded, "We'll do what we can to get the supplies we need."

Kathryn nodded, "I know you will Harry."

The away team went and everything seemed as if it was going to work in their favour for once, then it all started going wrong.

[2 hours later - sickbay]

"Have Kim and Torres given you a report?"

"Yes. I received a fascinating lesson in the challenges of getting clear scanner readings through solid rock. We were eventually able to distinguish an intense biogenic field at the site of Kes's accident. That would certainly explain the neuraleptic shock. She was lucky not to have been killed instantly."

"As I understand it, the Nechani monks are able to enter the field without being harmed at all."

"Really? I don't expect they'd care to tell us how."

Janeway looked at the doctor, an idea forming in her head, "No, they wouldn't."

"She's not responding to conventional treatments and frankly I'm running out of unconventional ideas as well, The level of activity in her brain is so low I can't rule out the possibility of permanent damage, even if I can revive her. The longer she stays in this condition, the less likely it is she'll ever recover."

Neelix approached the command officers, trying to make things better, wondering how his love was. "How is she?"

Kathryn wondered if that was her on the biobed if Chakotay would be as beside himself as Neelix was now. Then she realized that of course he would be.

"I'm afraid there's been no change."

That's when Neelix came up with the answer to the riddle they'd all been searching for. "I've researched everything I could find about the sacred shrine. I didn't uncover much scientific evidence but there was one story, it was in a very old text, I'm not sure how reliable, about a boy who recovered from a condition like Kes's. He was a young prince. He wandered into the shrine and accidentally he went into a death sleep. Everyone said it was the will of the spirits. His father, King Nevad, refused to accept that so he went through the ritual to seek an audience with the spirits and he pleaded for his son's life. The spirits in their infinite mercy granted his request. That was the only trace of hope that I could find."

"Maybe it's enough."

[Ready room 20 minutes later]

"Absolutely not Kathryn: You are not going down there and risking your life and the lives of our children on this."

She stopped him right there, "What about Kes' life? Does she not deserve the chance to recover from this?"

"Whether she does or not, does not negate the fact that you are six months pregnant and have no business going down there and risking your life."

"Chakotay, as soon as I became Captain, my life was forfeit; and you have to accept that as my husband."

Chakotay sighed, "I've accepted it Kathryn, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

[30 minutes later – Nachani settlement]

Janeway looked around; she was searching for her guide. The person that would bring her through this ordeal, and hopefully save Kes' life.

She saw a blond woman walk up to her, and ask her about her tricorder and fixing the chromo-dynamic lights. Kathryn stated she didn't know much about them, and than the woman took her tricorder.

After bluntly stating that the woman couldn't keep it, a light went on. "You're my guide."

"Guide, advisor, spiritual companion, whatever term you prefer is fine with me."

"Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"Shall we get started?"

At Kathryn's nod, she was surrounded by women all dressed in much the same fashion as her 'guide' "It's all right, Kathryn." Kathryn placed a hand on her abdomen, as if assuring the children that it would be okay.

"Would it be breaking any vows of secrecy now to tell me what this ritual will involve?"

"Why do you think I know?"

Kathryn stared at the guide incredulous, "Haven't you been through this before?"

"Don't worry, I'll help you find your way. Tell me, have you completely committed yourself to this journey?"

"Yes."

"You're willing to go through what the monks have been doing for centuries to help them find the spirits?"

Kathryn looked so sure of herself. She was going to 'find the spirits', even if she didn't believe in them wholeheartedly. "Yes."

"So you can send biochemical data back to you ship. No, it wasn't magic. Our bio-scanners detected the microprobe under your skin." Kathryn was surprised: but not. She was aware that the Nachani were a technologically advanced people, but she was surprised that in the religious order, they were using these technological advances.

"I hope that won't be a problem." Kathryn stared down the monk, giving her best Captain's glare hoping it would work.

"Makes no difference at all: You are fond of your little devices, aren't you."

"They've always served me well."

"I'm sure they have. Please, come this way."

Kathryn followed the guide and hoped that everything was going to be okay.

Kathryn walked into the ritual room, staring at the guide. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"I don't doubt that."

The guide handed Kathryn a rock and she picked it up looking at it, resisting the urge to analyze what kind of stone it was, where it might have come from, it's significance.

Kathryn looked at the guide, "I'm going to make every effort to do 'seek the spirits'; but I didn't come here for personal enlightenment. I'm trying to save a member of my crew."

"That's a worthy cause. I hope the spirits listen to you. Then let's begin. The first challenge. Stand like this, hold that. Now, what do you see in your hands?"

Kathryn stared at the rock once again, trying to see what the guide was seeing, nothing came to her."I see a stone."

"Keep looking." The guide smiled at her, hoping that she would see the secrets to the world she was on in the rock she held.

She handed the stone back to the guide and went about her ritual: Hopefully this would save Kes' life and not put her children's lives in danger. She felt the babies move and prayed everything would be okay.

[2 days later – Nachani settlement]

Kathryn was exhausted she had put herself through hell trying to get the answers to save Kes. She felt the babies getting restless but it didn't surprise her, she had not slept in three days, or really eaten anything.

She looked up at her guide, "Is it possible for me to get something to eat?"

The guide shook her head, "It will counteract everything you've done up until now."

Kathryn nodded and watched as the guide brought out a box. She heard the hissing noises coming from it and had to quelch the sinking feeling in her stomach. She'd made it this far, she was going to keep going.

She reached in and something bit her. She pulled her arm back more by reflex than anything else, and looked at the three pronged bite mark on her arm. She felt the burning in her chest and lay back groaning at the pain that was enveloping her body. She put a hand on her belly instinctively thinking that would maybe save her baby boy and baby girl. The tears began to flow and she looked at the guide. "I'm dying."

"Everyone dies eventually."

END 6. Bleeding Love

TBC in 7. Truth and Consequences


	7. Chapter 7

Life Circles

7\. Truth and Consequences

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Length: 4775 words

Summary: Directly after 'Bleeding Love', The end of 'Sacred Ground', and some completion to the story of the Janeway children.

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[Directly after 'Bleeding Love']

It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance.

It's the dream afraid of waking

that never takes the chance.

Chakotay stared at the E.M.H. incredulous, "It's been three days since she had any sleep. How long are we going to let her go through this?"

"I understand your concern, Commander, but I must point out that her vital signs are stable. She seems to be in no immediate danger."

"She's been poisoned by some unknown toxin. It may be having an effect we can't gauge. It could lie dormant for a few days and then suddenly fluctuate and kill her in minutes." Chakotay was nearing hysterics, this was his wife and the mother of his children and soon to be mother of his twins.

"You seem to be implying that I'm not paying attention. I assure you I am monitoring her constantly. If I thought she were in jeopardy I would act." Chakotay sighed and stared at Tuvok for some reassurance or help on this. He needed her, he needed her back in one piece and with him for eternity.

Tuvok finally decided to speak up and Chakotay looked at him for some form of reassurance. "Doctor, is there anything that might be preventing her from using the homing signal in her implant?"

"That's not enough Tuvok; that's my wife down the risking her life!"

"I am fully aware of the depth of emotion that you carry for her and that she carries for you; but at the moment she does not appear to be in any danger."

The doctor continued to try to reassure the man, "She's not in any danger, not that I'm aware of. She's fully conscious and has complete motor control. If she wanted to transport she could signal us."

Chakotay realized at that point that he was outnumbered, his wife was going to continue to risk her life for the crew no matter what the price was. "Are you getting enough meaningful information to justify her continuing this ordeal?"

"I am getting some remarkable data. Her entire biochemistry is undergoing a series of unique interactions. Look, this amino acid has been formed as a result of the breakdown of the toxin in her blood stream. It's affecting the normal flow of neurotransmitters and very likely having an hallucinogenic effect."

Tuvok piped in, concerned slightly for his friend of more than 20 years. "Is she delusional?"

The doctor looked at both men, "I think she's experiencing the Nechani version of a psychoactive drug."

Alarms went off in Chakotay's mind, they were drugging his wife, his very pregnant wife. "Then is it possible she's in no condition to activate the homing signal?" he paused collecting his thoughts, "And will those drugs be harmful to the babies?"

"I don't believe they'll be harmful to your children Commander: I don't believe that's the case, and I strongly suspect this biochemical change is going to give us the answers we need. The toxin in her bloodstream may very well be the key to getting a treatment for Kes."

Tuvok stared at Chakotay, knowing the truth in the statements he was making: "Commander, the decision is ultimately yours, of course. However, I believe it would be the Captain's desire to complete the ritual."

Chakotay looked at both men; men who had become his friends and trusted allies over the years: "All right, we'll leave her there for now, but I'm not moving from this monitor until she gets back."

He needed all of them back safe and sound and he was not leaving sickbay or the monitors that were recording readings on his family until they were all back safe and sound.

Kathryn remembered the dreams vividly, or hallucinations she wasn`t sure. She placed a hand on her abdomen and felt the children within her squirm assuring her they were okay.

Her guide walked up and opened the case where she lay. "Welcome back."

Kathryn placed a hand to her head, trying to clear the fog from her mind. "How long?"

"Does that matter?"

"I'd like to know."

"Thirty nine hours. You must take care of yourself. Your body's weak: especially for the sake of the children you carry."

"I guess the physical conditioning programs on the holodeck didn't quite prepare me for this."

"Has it been worthwhile?"

Kathryn stared at the guide, "I think so. I was told that I had what I needed to save Kes."

"Then it must be true. The spirits would not deceive you; Whenever you're ready."

The guide handed her, her uniform and Kathryn took it without questioning. "Thank you."

When Kathryn returned to the ship, she immediately reported to sickbay, she sat on the biobed as the doctor scanned her and the children within her womb. "Are the babies okay?"

The doctor looked at her, noting her concern and attempting to calm her nerves about the growing children within her body, "You could use a good night's sleep and a solid meal, but otherwise you're in good shape."

"When can you begin treating Kes?"

"Right away. The ritual may have been arduous for you, Captain, but it was certainly worthwhile. As I suspected, the toxin was the key. That's what produces the natural immunity the Nechani monks acquire before they enter the biogenic field."

Chakotay piped up, having not see his wife in days. "So her duty to the Nachani is done. She won't have to back down to the planet? And: how does that translate into a cure for Kes?'

"I've created a physiometric program to analyse the immune mechanism and develop a treatment regiment."

She looked at her husband and took his hand placing it on her belly, letting him feel that his children were still okay and that life was fine. "Then let's get started."

The next few minutes flew by in a haze as Kathryn watched the readings of Kes: never get any better. The pit of her stomach was sinking as Neelix flew off the handle at the doctor demanding why Kes was not getting any better. The doctor was perplexed at his inability to fix the elfin woman in his sickbay.

Finally the doctor looked up at Kathryn words wondering why the treatment hadn't worked, and wondering what else they could do to help. "Do you have any other options?"

"No. I'm sorry, Captain, but it appears that everything you went through was meaningless." Kathryn's eyes grew wide as she heard the words that had been said by the monks in the waiting room, everything was meaningless: did she have the guts to go back and try to make the ritual work?

There had to be something that could still be done. She stared at the doctor, excused herself and went back to her ready room. Chakotay followed her. "I have to go back Chakotay, not as Kathryn, I have to go back as the Captain trying to save a member of her crew."

Chakotay shook his head, "If you want to be like that, I'm the Commander and I can countermand your orders if I feel they're too dangerous."

Kathryn glared at her husband. "This isn't the Commander speaking, it's my husband. When we got married, we decided that it wouldn't get in the way of ship's business."

Chakotay sighed, "Yes but you're no good to the crew if you get yourself killed."

"Chakotay nothing is going to happen to me or the children. If they were going to hurt any of us they would have done it already."

"I don't like this Kathryn." He placed his hands on her abdomen, "I know you're the Captain but you're also my wife and the mother of my children, and I need you to really think about what you're doing."

She backed away from him, "I need to go Commander and this is non-negotiable."

Chakotay stared at her and exited her ready room. She hoped that she had not done permanent damage to the relationship that they had worked so hard to make right.

Kathryn, against her first officer's orders and her second officer's warnings beamed back down to the sanctuary. 'You meant what you said, didn't you. Everything I went through was meaningless."

The guide approached her, "Yes."

Kathryn was almost on the verge of tears, not sure of anything anymore. "I did everything you asked of me. You led me to believe that would allow me to help Kes."

The guide smiled at her, almost like an adult smiling at a petulant child. "I haven't led you anywhere, Kathryn. You've taken me along wherever you wanted to go. This was your ritual. You set these challenges for yourself."

"It's true that I came here with certain expectations. Are you saying that you simply fulfilled my expectations?"

"You'd have settled for nothing else."

She stared at the guide, getting another wind and more sure than ever that she was going to help Kes and make this work. "I'm not ready to give up. If there's still a way to save Kes I want to try."

"You've come back to seek the spirits."

"I don't know what I'm seeking."

"Then I believe you are ready to begin." Kathryn walked up to the door of the monk's room and waited for the door to open.

When it finally did, she found herself much in the same predicament she had been when she had started her journey to save Kes.

She looked at the men and women around her who could hold the key. She had to make this work for Kes' sake and to keep her marriage together.

Finally one of them men spoke up to her. "Fine, don't embrace a thing! It's all the same to us. Go on back to your ship and play with your molecular microscanner."

Then the woman spoke to her, yet again telling her what she didn't want to hear but what she knew was the truth."You've tried all that already, but it didn't work, did it. Kes didn't get better."

"No, she didn't."

Kathryn stared at the men and women who held Kes' future in their hands. "The doctor couldn't explain why it didn't work. We have to find a way, we will find a way."

"But of course you will. You'll find all the answers eventually, with enough time and study, and the right sort of tools. That's what you believe isn't it as a scientist?"

"Be honest."

"Yes, that's what I've always believed."

"Even when her science fails right before her eyes she still has full confidence in it. Now there's a leap of faith." Maybe being honest was the truth she needed to discover.

"Unconditional trust: Now that's promising."

"Alright. If you're saying that science won't help Kes, what will?"

"There you go again, always looking for a rational explanation. Well there isn't one. Your orbital scans and medical research have given you the facts, and they tell you the biogenic field is lethal."

"If you believe the facts."

The man stared at her and told her what she knew was true, but what she was afraid of: for her, for Kes and for the children she carried. "Let all of that go, Kathryn. Take Kes back into the shrine and trust the spirits to return her soul."

The second man spoke up, "But if you go in with any doubt, with any hesitation, then you're both dead. So, what are you going to do, Captain?"

"You know I won't stand by and watch Kes die if there's anything I can do to save her. I want to believe it's possible. I'm going to try."

Kathryn walked out of the room and went up to her guide and looked her in the eyes, a new sense of determination taking her over.

"Janeway to Chakotay. I want you to beam Kes down here to the sanctuary."

"Acknowledged. I'll bring her down myself, I have to see for myself that everyone's okay." Kathryn felt the line cut.

On Voyager Chakotay looked around and opened a line to sickbay. "Chakotay to sickbay. Doctor, prepare Kes for transport."

The doctor answered, and the journey began. "Understood."

Chakotay beamed down to the sanctuary with Kes and a small away team, including Neelix. He stared at his wife. "The Doctor says her life signs are deteriorating. He almost wouldn't let us take her out of sickbay."

Neelix stared at the Captain, and Kathryn knew that he was just trying to find a way to save his love. "Have you found a way to help her?"

"Yes I have. I'm taking her back into the biogenic field."

Chakotay approached Kathryn, and the Commander's stance opened up. "Captain, you've been through a lot in the past few days."

Kathryn stared at Chakotay. "I know what I'm doing."

"Are you sure of that? There are 800 megajoules of biogenic energy running through that shrine. The thoron radiation levels are off the scale. That's what you'd be taking yourself and her and our children into." He paused going closer to her. "The doctor said that he was afraid of you doing this in your current condition."

"I have to do this Chakotay, for Kes and for myself."

Kathryn walked over to the biobed that Kes was lying on that the doctor had beamed down against his better judgement.

She reached her hands under Kes' body and slowly began to raise her off the biobed. She raised her up above the baby bump and rested her on top of where the twins laid. *Please forgive me Chakotay.*

She walked up to the wall of biotemporal energy which she knew she had to pass through.

As she passed she felt a surge of energy pass through her and she looked down to see Kes' eyes open, as she looked down she felt a jolt of pain sear through her abdomen and fell to her knees trying her best not to drop her friend.

She fell down the stairs behind her and let out a scream as Kes passed through the field and followed her down the stairs.

She clutched her abdomen and Chakotay rushed to her side. "Kathryn!"

Kathryn had tears falling down her cheeks as Kes grabbed the tricorder from Chakotay and scanned her Captain. "She's been thrown into labour. The electrostatic field acted like a contraction would throwing her body into something she wasn't ready for."

Chakotay tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to sickbay three to beam directly to sickbay."

"Understood."

Kathryn felt the transporter beam engulf her and then the world went black.

[2 hours later – sickbay]

Chakotay sat by the biobed. "Doctor, is she going to be okay? And the babies?"

The doctor looked at Chakotay unsure."For now Commander, but I'm not sure she'll be able to take command of the ship for a while: I want her on complete bed rest for the next two weeks, by then she should be out of the woods, assuming everything goes as planned."

Chakotay nodded, "Thank you doctor; when do you think Kathryn will regain consciousness?"

"I sedated her, she has no idea the outcome of what has happened. She should stay unconscious for another eight hours. I suggest you go get some sleep and be here in eight hours and I'll wake her. She can be given the information with both of us present."

Chakotay nodded, "Thank you doctor, see you then."

Chakotay departed and went to his and Kathryn's quarters. The quarters smelled like her, they were her.

He remembered the days when they had been her quarters and only her quarters, that was a long time ago, well it felt like a long time ago. Really it wasn't.

They had re-established the relationship almost immediately upon him being thrust into her grasp: Him as the Maquis rebel; her as the Starfleet Captain.

His life had started when she had accepted him into her crew.

He lay down in their bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.

[3 hours later – sickbay]

Kathryn knew she was in a deep sleep. She remembered the trouble and turmoil that had happened. She felt the dreams attempting to take her over, but realized she was in a drug induced rest.

There was no peaceful sleep for Kathryn and her mind did it's best to quiet itself.

The doctor stared at the body of his Captain: Kathryn Janeway. She was fast asleep but she was tossing and turning. Whatever was going on in her mind, it was a restless 'sleep'. He had stopped the labour but the male child she carried was not doing as well as his larger sister.

He had given her medication to mature the children's lungs in case of an imminent birth, and he was afraid that was exactly what would happen.

He put his head in his hands, and looked down at the office desk: he placed a command in the computer to awaken him if there was any change in the Captain's status or if Commander Chakotay entered the sickbay and stated: "Computer deactivate the EMH."

[Paris Quarters – 3 hours later]

Tom and B'Elanna stared at their daughter and the daughter of Kathryn and Chakotay. The journey that Kathryn had taken with the Nachani monks to save Kes' life, and then she had been thrown in the pre-term labour with the twins: Sometimes Kathryn Janeway as much as they all loved her tried to do too much, tried to be larger than life, but really she was only a woman like B'Elanna herself was.

B'Elanna turned to her husband and watched him trying to get Taya to eat. She was fussing and didn't sound too happy at not having her parents around, but they needed each other right now to try and figure out their lives and the lives of their unborn twins.

She hoped everything would go okay for their friends, but she had a bad feeling about it.

[Same time – Janeway/Chakotay Quarters]

Chakotay awoke with a start trying to figure out what had awakened him from such a deep sleep when he heard the beep of his commbadge again. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here what is it Doctor?"

"I need you down in sickbay immediately, there seems to be a problem with the Captain."

Chakotay was up and out the door in less than two minutes flat. Exactly 6 minutes after the hail he arrived in sickbay to find the doctor doting over his wife. "What's wrong with her?"

The doctor shook his head, "With her nothing, but the babies are another story, well at least one is anyway."

Chakotay opened his mouth, gawking at the doctor, "What do you mean with one of the babies?"

"The male foetus, he is in trouble. That toxin – whatever it was – was a poison to his immune system. Why it targeted him and not his sister, was just bad luck; but it happened. Your child will not survive to term of that I am almost certain."

"Does Kathryn know about any of this?"

"The Captain has been awakened yet, and I was sure you'd want to be here for her when she heard this news."

Chakotay nodded and looked, "Thank you doctor; I guess we'll see what happens when she wakes up."

He went and sat by the bed and took her hand. "I'm staying here until she wakes up."

The doctor nodded knowing this was going to be what he was going to do.

The doctor went to his office and stared at the tests he had run on their Captain. She would be destroyed by this news, but she would make it.

She was a strong person, and most of the time got through tough situations.

And this one would be no different.

[2 hours later – sickbay]

Chakotay heard groaning and looked up to see Kathryn slowly trying to wake herself from the sleep she had been in for many an hour.

"Kathryn?"

Kathryn moved her head back and forth trying her best to wake from the deep sleep she had been in. She shot up her hands going to her tummy, "The babies!"

"Shhh, it's alright. The babies are fine for now." Chakotay didn't feel the need to reveal anything else until the doctor had had a chance to tell her himself. Scientific answers: that's what Kathryn needed: always.

She looked at him groggily, "What happened?"

"You were exactly where I begged you not to be."

"The Nachani."

Chakotay nodded and Kathryn looked down at her belly that still appeared to hold her children. "Are the babies really okay? I remember Kes surviving, and a searing pain in my belly and then I don't remember anything."

"You blacked out Kathryn."

Kathryn nodded imperceptibly as she saw the doctor out of the corner of her eyes approaching the biobed.

"Doctor, what's the news?"

The doctor sighed, "The drug that you were given by the Nechani monks was a psychoactive drug that was hard on the babies' immune systems." He paused taking in a deep breath. "I fear that one of them may not make it."

Kathryn covered her face with her hands drawing in a deep breath and trying to calm her breathing. "So what happens now?"

"Well I'm confining you to sickbay for a couple of days. You had quite a scare there and you need the sleep: Your children need the rest."

Kathryn nodded and turned to Chakotay to reach out her hand and hopefully take his and make the fact that she was no doubt going to lose one of her children a little less real. Perhaps the baby would make it, maybe she would beat the odds.

Then Kathryn realized that the doctor would not lie to her. There was no saving one of her children and the largest challenge in either her or Chakotay's life was about to become a reality.

"When can I go home doctor? You said you wanted to keep me here for a couple of days."

"That's right Captain, two days. Then you can go home, but I don't want you back on duty for at least two weeks. You got a scare here and I'd appreciate knowing you were safe for at least a couple of weeks."

Kathryn nodded: "Very well doctor. You said there is a chance that one of the children is in danger, is the other one safe?"

The doctor sighed, "As safe as can be I suppose when they're living inside Kathryn Janeway. You work an extremely high stress job, you don't eat enough, you don't sleep enough; honestly I'm surprised you carried the children safely for as long as you did."

Kathryn glared at the doctor. "Thank you doctor, now if you'll excuse us, my husband and I need to talk."

Kathryn stared at her husband. "I know what you're thinking Chakotay: you're thinking I never should have gone down to the Nachani monastery; you're thinking that if I had stayed on the ship and been a good little wife our children would not be in danger; you're thinking that I took it too far –"

Chakotay walked up to Kathryn, "I'm thinking that I knew you were devoted to your crew above all else before I married you; I'm thinking that I love you; and I'm thinking that you wouldn't be you if you weren't the way you are."

Chakotay walked out of sickbay and went back to Tom and B'Elanna's Quarters to get baby Taya and take her home. No matter what happened at least they would have one baby to call their own.

[Sickbay – 5 hours later]

Kathryn awoke with a start and couldn't figure out what noise in sickbay would possibly wake her from a dead sleep.

That's when she felt the contraction move through her body and doubled over in pain. She screamed out and the doctor materialized in front of her."

"Captain!" The doctor looked at the suffering woman in front of him. It was at that moment that her water broke flooding the floor.

The doctor looked at her concerned, "Oh no."

He went up to her with a tricorder and scanned her. "What's happening doctor?"

"One of your babies at least has decided it was time to make an appearance."

Kathryn screamed out as the pain flooded through her. "Oh my god, it wasn't this bad with Taya."

The doctor looked at her and attached a device around her belly monitoring the babies' conditions. "This will help me keep track of your children before you ask."

Kathryn nodded, and looked at the doctor, "Can you contact my husband?"

"I will comm. Commander Chakotay just as soon as I'm sure you're out of the woods."

Kathryn looked at the doctor frightened: "Is there something wrong with me?"

He shook his head, "Not at the moment, but I want to make sure that it stays that way."

She screamed out as her water broke again and the monitors beeped telling him that one of the children's heartbeat's was dangerously low. "Captain, we need to get one of your children out of you right now."

The doctor stared at his readings again; And looked back at the forlorn Captain before him. "I need to perform a foetal transport on your son: now."

Kathryn nodded and remained perfectly still as the baby materialized in the bassinette before her. "Is the other baby okay?"

Kathryn stared at the readings of the babies' heartbeats and noticed something peculiar, there was her son lying beside her yet the computer was reading two heartbeats on the monitor. "Doctor am I reading this correctly?"

The doctor nodded, Kathryn felt another contraction rip through her. "You still have twins inside you and one wants to come out."

Kathryn's eyes bugged out of her head, "There were triplets in there?"

"Yes, and none of them were identical, so we still have a chance to save one. I need to perform another foetal transport and get the dead baby out of your uterus."

Kathryn had tears streaming down her cheeks as she nodded and let the doctor perform the duty and wished at that moment she was asleep or sedated or something so that she wouldn't have to view the dead baby in front of her: her tiny daughter: blue and dead.

Then she heard a cry and knew at least her son was alive.

The doctor stared at the broken woman in front of him, "I need names for the children, even non-live births I have to record as something."

Kathryn nodded and stated, "Christopher Chakotay Janeway, and Cayla Anne Janeway."

The doctor nodded and recorded the proceedings in his files. "I'm so sorry Captain."

Kathryn stared at the doctor, "How come the contractions have stopped?"

"It appears the third one is a fighter and wants to stay in just a little longer."

The doctor hit his commbadge and called, "Doctor to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Commander there was a little problem, would you like to come to sickbay and meet your son?"

There was silence on the bridge and Tuvok stated that he would take the bridge and that Chakotay should go to sickbay and take care of his family."

Chakotay nodded and headed for the turbolift.

[20 minutes later sickbay]

Chakotay had stood outside of sickbay for ten minutes, not sure if he wanted to see what was going on. The doctor had not said anything to him about the second baby over the comm. line and he hoped he would enter sickbay and find one healthy enough baby – although relatively small he would imagine – and Kathryn sitting on the biobed still pregnant.

When he finally mustered up enough courage to enter sickbay the scene was anything but what he had imagined.

His son was sitting in an isolate with tubes and wires and machines hanging off of him, and Kathryn was crying over the body of his daughter.

He let a tears stream down his face and approached his wife who was holding a baby who had never seen the light of day. "I'm so sorry Kathryn."

Those words made her tears come even faster and he walked over and placed a kiss on the cheek of his daughter and then his wife.

The couple cried over lost chances and missed opportunities and a life that would never be lived.

END 7. Truth & Consequences

TBC in 8. Unknown Territory


	8. Chapter 8

Life Circles

8\. Unknown Territory

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Length: 7752 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

When I look into your eyes

I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same

[2 Months after Truth and Consequences]

Chakotay stared at his wife. She was eight months pregnant now with the last of the triplets. She seemed to be okay: the doctor said she was doing surprisingly well. The baby was a bit small, but Taya wasn't exactly a large baby.

But Chakotay still worried.

Kathryn sat on the couch rubbing her hands over the baby, the child that was still there. She hoped at least this one was going to make it.

She needed it to.

She had refused to ask whether the child she carried was a boy or a girl: She didn't want to know.

The less attached she could get to the child the better after what had happened to Chris and Cayla.

She cried.

Chakotay worried.

This should be one of the happiest times in her life.

She was married, she had one happy baby and another on the way, but she still grieved. The children she had lost: she blamed herself.

She had traded the lives of her children for the life of one of her crew.

She let her head fall to her hands and cried.

Chakotay watched feeling helpless.

Kathryn cried feeling helpless.

They were living together but in their own little worlds; and it hurt, and their love would hopefully survive: their child needed them to present a united front.

And then there was Taya, they needed to do it for her too.

So they ignored each other and they lived in the same house, on the same ship but in different worlds.

[3 weeks later – Paris Quarters]

B'Elanna was getting ready for the away mission; Kathryn had snapped at her, telling her that: 'They had discovered a form of ore that was a rare and that they could use to regenerate their replicator casings'. She had told B'Elanna that she and Vorik were to go on the away mission and get the materials they needed.

B'Elanna understood why Kathryn was so irritable, it was nearing the end of the pregnancy and as she looked at Kathryn's changed form, she saw that the baby had dropped.

Granted when she had been pregnant with Miral it had happened nearly a month from the end of the pregnancy but she still understood her frustration.

She turned around and looked at Tom; "Tom, let's convince the Captain and Commander to go on the away mission together. She's as qualified as me to go and collect ore samples, and her and Chakotay could use the time alone."

Tom's jaw dropped open, "B'Elanna you can't be serious, she's 38 weeks pregnant: If you do that Chakotay will take it upon himself to take his frustrations at his wife out on me!"

B'Elanna took Miral from Tom, "We'll take Taya and give them a chance to try and work out whatever's bothering them."

"But B'Elanna, I can't make Chakotay hate me anymore. He already hates me enough after that little thing with Seska!"

B'Elanna looked at him and opened her eyes wide giving him a look that said 'if you do this for me there's going to be something in it for you later'."

Tom drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, "You do realize we're going to have two babies here with us right?"

"Well we could always ask Kes really nicely to watch them for us...as long as we told her to keep Neelix away from them; or we could wait until another night and have lots of fun and pawn Miral on Kat."

Tom grinned, "Now that idea has promise."

B'Elanna slapped her combadge, "B'Elanna to Kathryn."

She heard a sigh over the line, "Yes B'Elanna." The irritation in Kathryn's voice was dripping over the comm. line. "Can you meet me in the mess hall in five minutes?"

Kathryn sighed, "You have to get ready for an away mission Lieutenant."

"Yes I understand that, but it's really important."

"Alright Lieutenant: five minutes; Janeway out."

B'Elanna got a grin on her face, "The plan is in motion Tom. Let's get Miral ready to meet Taya for the night and have a 'sleepover'."

Tom grinned at his wife, "Well too bad tonight is not our 'Sleepover'."

B'Elanna playfully swatted Tom, "Let's go."

[5 minutes later mess hall]

Kathryn walked into the dark mess hall looking for her chief engineer. She knew it was late, but she had to get this away mission taken care of.

She spied B'Elanna sitting in the back corner of the mess hall and went over to join her. She slowly lowered herself into the seat across from her and looked at her chief engineer.

"Okay so B'Elanna what's so important that you needed to see me right away? I gotta go and get Taya from Kes' quarters, and bring her home to her father."

B'Elanna stared at her, "How about I go and get Taya, and take her for the night and you can Chakotay can go on the away mission and spend some time alone, without baby #1 and before baby #2." She pointed at Kathryn's distended abdomen.

Kathryn glared at her, "B'Elanna, we don't need to spend time alone."

"Everyone sees the stress you two are under, and I don't think you've really dealt with Chris or Cayla's deaths yet. Maybe some time for the two of you to talk alone and deal with things isn't such a bad idea."

Kathryn sighed, "Maybe you're right but you're an engineer and so is Vorik, you two could get this done –"

B'Elanna stopped her right there, "Cut the crap Kat, you know as well as I do that you're as qualified as me to collect ore samples, and this little trick might save your marriage."

Kathryn nodded tears in her eyes at how thoughtful and perceptive the crew could be sometimes. "Okay."

B'Elanna nodded her approval, "Well you'd better get ready for that away mission then Captain."

"Yes ma'am."

B'Elanna smiled and watched Kathryn leave the mess hall with a newfound confidence to her step.

Kathryn went to her quarters and called for Chakotay. "Shhh, I went and got Taya as asked earlier and now she's asleep: You want to wake her up?"

Kathryn glared at her husband. "There's been a change of plans: You and I are going on this way mission."

Chakotay was speechless, "What do you mean you and I? You're almost ready to give birth and you haven't been on an away mission in months: I don't think now would be the time to start."

She glared at him, "I am the Captain, and I can do whatever I want."

"I'm your husband and I can ask you not to."

"You're going to be there with me Chakotay, it's not like I'm going to be alone...and besides I still have two weeks to go."

Chakotay looked at his wife scared; "Kathryn. I love you and you know as well as I do that any time after 36 weeks this baby can make an appearance: I just don't think you going on an away mission is a good idea."

Kathryn stared at him, "I appreciate your candour 'Commander' but I've made my decision."

Kathryn walked out of their quarters and hoped that Chakotay would follow her: She needed him to follow her.

She needed her life back.

[30 minutes later – outside shuttle bay two]

Kathryn arrived right before Chakotay. "So I guess we're going on away mission are we Captain."

She paused, taking in a deep breath: "Looks that way Commander."

Kathryn almost broke down at the look on disobedience in her husband's eyes. She loved him, and she needed him. The baby within kicked her and she placed a hand on her belly trying to calm the child within.

The baby had been unusually active the last few hours, and she hoped that everything was okay with the last child she would probably ever have.

And with that she was okay, two was more than most people on this ship could ask for.

And two was more she should have as Captain of this ship; but it was her life and she had decided to proceed.

[2 hours later - Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

They had finally fallen into a decent conversation. They had still not dealt with Chris or Cayla, or the baby she now carried or even Kathryn's decisions regarding the baby at this point. They were discussing talent night: something that was beyond either of their personal lives.

Chakotay stared at his wife, "Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry."

Kathryn laughed, it felt good. "No doubt. Neelix was saying the same thing: could I keep Mr. Tuvok distracted or on duty or something that night?"

Chakotay reached up and touched Kathryn's cheek. "I'm sorry Kathryn. I never meant to hurt you or to disobey your orders, but I worry about you." He placed a hand on her belly, "And about the baby."

She glared at him. "But I am still the Captain, and there are still duties that I have to perform."

"I understand but as your husband – not as your commander – I worry about you."

Kathryn felt the tears beginning to fill her eyes and she realized why she had fallen in love with this man years ago, and loved him still. She felt a mild pain in her abdomen and knew what was starting, but she still had hours of charting to do.

"We're going to have to make a landing on the planet we were going to go to, to collect ore samples." Chakotay looked at the panels in the shuttle, "Atmospheric turbulence. We might be in for a rough landing."

"Funny, a minute ago there wasn't any indication of rough weather."

"I'm reading even more severe storms near the surface."

"Ion lightning. Maybe we'd better try the fifth planet and come back here when things have cleared up."

The shuttle rocked and both Chakotay and Kathryn grabbed the panels, "I think we took a lightning hit: Attitude control is out."

Kathryn looked at her readings. They weren't making sense, "Switching to manual."

"The navigational system's out."

"Reverse engines, full thrusters."

Chakotay lost control of the shuttle and no matter how hard he tried to make a soft landing for the sake of his wife, his child: his life, he was unable to do so.

The shuttle crashed on the planet and Chakotay slowly lifted his head, feeling the stress of a bump forming on his forehead. The computer blared a dismal message:

"Warning: Hydrazine gas levels at one hundred twelve parts per million. Begin evacuation procedures."

He looked around the ruins of the shuttle and spied Kathryn lying on the ground, her stomach showing the signs of the baby laying there. There was blood everywhere concentrated on the lower half of her body.

He went over to stare at his life falling apart before his very eyes. He felt for a pulse but there was none. "Hang on, Kathryn." He pulled her out of the shuttle and carried her to the mouth of a cave setting her down gently on the ground. He listened for breath sounds and found none. "Breathe, damn you, breathe! Don't you die on me now. Come on, Kathryn, breathe!" He was yelling and listening and hoping. The child she carried still under his hand. "Listen to me, Kathryn, you've got to breathe. Breathe! Breathe! Come on, come on!" Finally the medication worked, and she drew in a ragged breath. "Yes!"

He placed a hand on her belly feeling around for the movement of the child that he should be feeling. Still there was nothing.

"Chakotay?" He put the utter terror away, hiding it as much as possible; and squelched it not wanting to worry his wife any more than she already was.

"Don't ever do that to me again. You went into shock. Gave me quite a scare there for a minute. This should help reduce your cranial swelling. Should have a head ache for a while." And he wished that was the only problem she had. He scanned her belly but the heartbeat was absent. He felt himself being taken over by the tears that were clouding his vision.

"I'll live with it."

Her hand reached down to feel for movement in her abdomen. "I don't feel anything Chakotay; you scanned me: what's the verdict?"

He drew in a deep breath, "I'm sorry Kathryn, the baby died.'

She nodded almost as if by instinct and motherly love, let a tear escape her and nodded. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I never meant for it to end like this."

"We fixed our relationship, maybe that's what this was all about."

Kathryn nodded and stared at him, "I'm all right. Chakotay, we're going to need the blankets and the rations."

"I can get them. You set up the homing signal. Here," He passed her the commbadge, "At least the storm seems to be dying."

"What were you looking at?"

"There are phaser burns on the hull. I don't think it was lightning strikes that hit us. I think we were shot down."

"By whom?" Kathryn cried out as she felt a contraction rip through her uterus. She looked down and saw the blood seeping out. "Oh god Chakotay, this hurts."

Chakotay approached her with the tricorder and scanned her. She had lost over a litre of blood and it was oozing out of her at an alarming rate. He had to focus on getting them out of there. "The signatures are Vidiian."

Kathryn was wavering in and out of consciousness. He picked her up and brought her into the cave. He titled her head up. "We're going to have to take cover here honey."

Kathryn nodded and took the phaser. The Vidiian army slowly entered the cave, the space where they were going to make their last stand. "Back off now. We'll fire if we have to."

Chakotay stared at her. Even in pain and in the possible last moments they had she was trying to defend her crew: even if it was only him. "Back off!"

She watched as one of the Vidiian attackers pulled out an energy weapon and fired striking Chakotay in the chest. "Chakotay!" she screamed and as she tried to get up she felt the world closing in and fell to her knees as the agonizing pain of the dead child trying to make its way into the world: made her black out.

[Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

Kathryn sat quietly rubbing her tummy and feeling the baby within her move. She looked at Chakotay and smiled.

"Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry." Kathryn looked at him. "So when are you going to join in?"

"Never." He laughed.

She stared at him, "If I hadn't been almost nine months pregnant I would have done my dying swan dance routine."

He grinned picturing her slim and trim and in a tutu, he almost laughed. "Well if we have another talent night I hope you'll reprise it."

Kathryn got a confused look on her face. "Does this seem familiar to you? Like we've been here before?"

"You're right, we have been here before."

She stared at him and rubbed her belly where the pains were still manageable but were beginning to make themselves known. "Do you remember Vidiians?"

"Yes. They shot us down and attacked us."

"We may have wandered into some kind of repeating time loop. I'm going to scan for temporal anomalies." She got up to check the readings and the waters carrying their child broke, flooding the floor of the shuttle. She looked to Chakotay, with frightened clear blue eyes staring at him.

He was afraid of what was going to be happening in the next hours. "Chakotay to Voyager. Chakotay to Voyager, do you read us?" He wasn't sure if he was hailing mainly because of the 'time-loop' or because of the fact that his very pregnant wife's water had just broken.

Kathryn screamed as the first real signs of labour made themselves known. She drew in a deep breath and tried to control her breathing, "We're out of range. I'd still like to figure out what happened to us. Send a sub-space message that we won't be landing on the planet. Tell them that we'll be looking for evidence of temporal anomalies."

She rubbed her tummy hoping that the baby she was carrying would be okay. "I see a ship approaching at high impulse. It's on an intercept course.

Chakotay let slight vestiges of fear lace his voice, "Is it Vidiian?"

"Yes."

The Vidiian warship was approaching fast and Chakotay attempted to evade them as he watched Kathryn suffering through labour pains. "Setting evasive pattern Delta four."

He stared frightened at his wife. "We've lost shields!"

Kathryn approached the weapons setup and ignored the pains for the moment: hitting the weapons system, punching in the coordinates of the Vidiian ship, "Firing starboard array!"

He felt the weapon hit the ship and the helm began filling with gas, "Kathryn are you alright?"

Kathryn nodded and encouraged him to continue his assessment of the damage. "That one hit the reactor's injectors.

"Shut them down, they'll leak anti-matter."

"The magnetic fields are failing, the gas flow separators are down."

She stared at the readings, there was nothing they could do now. "Dump the core!"

Kathryn felt her body go weightless as she once again entered the abyss.

[Shuttlecraft Sacajawea]

"It's looking more and more like we're in a time loop. The question is, how do we break it?"

"Let's retrace our steps, get back to the part of space we were in before all this started happening."

Janeway paused and rubbed her hands over her belly. The contractions were beginning. The baby was going to be her today probably. "Agreed. If we're experiencing a temporal field, a tachyon burst might disperse it. Chakotay..."

"Let me guess. It's a Vidiian ship."

Kathryn sighed, "Two Vidiian ships, still twenty million kilometres away but headed right for us."

"Sacajawea to Voyager, do you read us?"

Tuvok answered and Kathryn was glad to hear his voice. "You have just come into comm. range, Commander."

"We're being pursued by two Vidiian ships. Set a course for our shuttle and have weapons powered."

Janeway drew in a deep breath and finally answered putting his two cents worth in. "We also believe we are experiencing some kind of temporal phenomenon, a time loop. Make certain you scan for anomalies."

"Aye Captain. We're on our way."

Chakotay looked at his wife who looked like she was in pain; "If you're going to emit that tachyon burst, you'd better do it now. In a couple of minutes those ships'll be right on top of us."

"Chakotay, the contractions are coming about five minutes apart. Let's see if this works and maybe we'll see if we can break that time loop. Here goes." She looked at the readings, she was trying to make sense of what was going on. "I can't tell if it's affecting anything."

"The Vidiians are almost within range. Ready weapons." The two of them watched the Vidiian ships disappear before their very eyes. "What happened?"

Kathryn screamed as a contraction ripped through her, "They just vanished! But I'm picking up a residual temporal signature."

"Kathryn! Are you okay?"

Kathryn stared at him, "What do you think?"

He realized the ships were nowhere to be seen. "Those ships must have been part of the time loop."

She breathed through the ending of the contraction. "And the tachyon burst disrupted it."

"Not a minute too soon. I was getting awfully tired of talking about Talent Night." He paused looking at the woman who had saved them all more times than they could count. "Seriously: how are you?"

Tuvok answered and Chakotay thanked god that they were going to be home on Voyager where they could take care of things, and the baby could be born safe and sound. "Voyager to Sacajawea. We will rendezvous with you in approximately four minutes."

"Believe me, Tuvok, we're looking forward to it."

Tuvok looked at Kathryn, "Good to have you back, Captain."

Kathryn put her hands on her belly and breathed through a contraction, staring at Tuvok. "Good to be here." She screamed out as the pain hit. "I'd still like to get to the bottom of whatever was happening to us in that shuttle. Did Voyager detect any evidence of a temporal field?"

"To my knowledge, we did not: Are you alright Captain?"

"Let's run a second level temporal scan. I'd feel better entering this part of space if I knew what caused the phenomenon." She pulled back as the pain continued, "I think I'd better report to sickbay,"

"That would probably be a good idea Captain." Tuvok stared at the Captain, encouraging her to go to sickbay.

Chakotay stared at Kathryn, "We'd better go to sickbay." Then he looked to Tuvok: "We were on our way to the second planet of a binary system."

Kathryn despite her current condition had to put her two cents worth in, "To collect some nitrogenase compound, but we encountered a storm and we crashed."

"And then we were attacked by the Vidiians but we managed to escape and get back here."

Tuvok piped in, encouraging them both to get checked by the doctor because of Janeway's current memory loss and because it appeared she was in labour and the commander was her husband and father of her child. "You and the Commander were checked by the Doctor, who treated your injuries, and you proceeded here to the bridge."

Chakotay looked at his wife, and then turned to the many crewmembers on the bridge, "You heard the Captain, let's get moving." Then he looked at Kathryn, "And you heard the man - about us - we'd better get moving."

Kathryn and Chakotay slowly made their way to sickbay. Kathryn had two contractions on the way and Chakotay watched her suffer in horror. "Can you be honest with me for a second Kathryn?"

Kathryn breathed through the contraction and nodded. "How long have you been in labour?"

"Most of the day."

Chakotay looked at her horrified, "Were you in labour when we left to go on that supply mission?"

Kathryn nodded.

Chakotay shook his head, "What am I going to do with you woman?"

Kathryn shook her head as they arrived in sickbay. The doctor quickly began scanning the Captain. "Well it appears you are in labour. I have to take some blood samples as well to make sure there is nothing else wrong that is causing these delusions in you."

Kathryn nodded as she felt a hypospray added to her neck and the pain begin to slowly subside. "Thank you doctor."

Three hours later the Captain was writhing on the bed in full-blown labour. "Captain it's time to push."

Kathryn nodded and Chakotay quickly took her hand. 20 minutes later, the doctor stated, "Good Captain, I see the head. A couple of more pushes and you should be just about done."

She glared at the EMH, "You'd better be telling me the truth doctor."

The doctor looked at her smugly, "Well you're the one doing all the work, I guess it's going to depend how hard you work at it."

Kathryn bent over and pushed and Chakotay watched as the baby's head emerged. Three pushes later and their daughter was delivered into the world. "It's a girl."

Kathryn smiled at Chakotay, "Another girl, I am so happy Chakotay."

Chakotay picked up the tiny baby girl from the bassinette. "Me too Kathryn, I love you."

"Now if you don't mind, my patient needs her rest."

[6 hours later – sickbay]

Kathryn finally awoke looking over towards her baby sitting in the bassinette: the baby they had not even yet named: Her daughter.

Their daughter.

Kathryn cried and as she went to pick up the happily cooing baby girl that was their hope and dream for the future she ran into a forcefield.

She looked up into the sorrowful eyes of the EMH, "I ran a microcellular scan after you returned to the ship. I have just analysed the results."

Kathryn tore her eyes away from the baby she wasn't allowed to touch.

Her daughter.

Her lifeline; and looked at the doctor, "What did you find?"

"You have contracted a disease: The Vidiian Phage."

"The Phage?" Her thoughts went to her husband. If this disease finished her at least he would be there to care for their daughters if he wasn't sick. "What about Chakotay, is he infected too?"

"No, Commander Chakotay shows no signs of the disease. He has been here to see your child many times."

"How did I get it?"

"You said one of the Vidiians grabbed you. It may be that the virus was transferred in that way."

Kathryn looked at him incredulous."But we've encountered Vidiians before and had physical contact with them. No one's ever gotten sick that way."

"I can't offer an explanation at this point. It may be that the Phage virus has mutated to become more infectious. I believe however this explains the hallucinations you described. There is often concomitant stress to the thalamus in the early stages of the disease. It is known to cause a kind of dementia that produces hallucinations."

She stared at him incredulous thinking about nothing more than her husband and newborn daughter. "What's the prognosis?"

"I wish I could tell you, Captain. For the moment it would be best if you were to remain in sickbay, under quarantine."

"Of course." Her heart was breaking at the mere thought that she might never get to touch or hold her baby girl again.

"The fact that the virus has acted so quickly raises the possibility that others on the crew may be infected."

"You've studied the Phage in great detail. Have you made any progress in finding a cure?" Despite her eternal optimism, she knew he hadn't; and the prognosis for her wasn't good.

"I hadn't pursued the matter since we seemed to have moved beyond Vidiian space, but I'll now redouble my efforts. In the meantime I'd like to give you a sedative Captain? I'll be running a series of deep level tissue scans. "

"I understand."

"There, that should give you a good night's sleep. I'll erect a bio-forcefield, and I promise you, Captain, I won't deactivate myself until I have some answers for you."

Her heart was breaking as she stated: "Doctor. I know I'm in good hands." She paused, "And please take care of the baby for me."

The doctor nodded and Kathryn fell into unconsciousness.

Kathryn slowly awoke from her sleep, and prayed that it was all a dream. She felt the blemishes on her face, "Doctor?"

"Ah, you're awake."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Almost forty hours."

"Forty...forty hours?" She distractedly looked to the corner of the sickbay where her daughter lay sleeping; then turned back to the doctor.

He looked at her with a pained expression, "I'm afraid this strain of the Phage is particularly virulent. It's spreading rapidly."

"Have you? Is there any hope of a cure?"

"I regret to inform you that I have been unsuccessful."

"Then what's the next step?"

The doctor sighed, a very human gesture. "I've given that a great deal of thought. The prospects are unpleasant, Captain. You face a lingering, painful death marked by increasing periods of dementia and eventual insanity."

She thought about her daughter growing up never knowing her mother. "I see."

"I've come to the conclusion that there's only one humane course of action."

"What's that?"

"Euthanasia."

"What!" She was incredulous. Had Chakotay agreed to this, and what about Tuvok? There had to be another way. She wasn't going to die like this!

"It would be wrong to subject you to such a prolonged and painful death. The crew would also be adversely affected if that were to happen."

Kathryn knew that she was grasping at straws: It seemed the doctor, and the crew had made up their minds. "Surely there are other options to explore, Doctor. B'Elanna's DNA for instance. It's coded to produce antibodies against the Phage."

"Klingon DNA might provide a vaccine for the disease, but not a cure. I'm sorry, Captain. The space within the forcefield is filling with a neural toxin. It is fast-acting and merciful."

"Turn it off. That's an order, Doctor!" She was the Captain; someone had to listen to her. She was still the Commanding Officer of Voyager.

The doctor was calm as he stated calmly: "Please relax and take deep breaths. It will be over more quickly that way."

"Computer, delete Emergency Medical Hologram."

"A security code is required for that command. " She still had security codes, the panic raced through her mind: she was still the Captain no matter what."

"Security code Janeway Lambda Three." She wasn't mad, her mind wasn't gone yet, those were her security codes they belonged to her. This Captaincy was her life.

That and her little baby girl and the one Chakotay was caring for in their quarters. She stared, it seemed one last time at her baby girl. The child who it seemed would never know her mother, the child she would never get to hold.

"That code is not recognised."

"I'm the Captain! Delete the EMH!" She was the Captain of that she was sure: what was wrong with the computer?

"A security code is required for that command."

"Don't do this." As she felt her breath leaving her body for the last time, she tried to stay standing looking at her daughter for as long as was possible: This was her life. "It isn't right."

And then there was darkness.

[Planet's Surface]

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around at the planet they had been above last time she remembered: She saw Chakotay and 'herself' still large with child. She looked down at her body and noticed she was slim, almost as if the baby had never happened.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek at the thought that the pregnancy and her happy life: might be nothing more than a dream.

She placed her hand on her abdomen hoping to feel the bump, hoping the feel the baby's feet joining with her hand, hoping to feel anything.

She stared at Chakotay pumping down on 'her chest', but it was 'the Commander' not her husband.

"Don't you die on me Kathryn!" Kathryn saw tears streaming down his face. *I love you Chakotay.* She reached out her hand to touch him and her hand flew through it. *My god maybe I am dead.*

"Can't you hear me?" She asked the question but all that she heard was the emptiness of her own voice. *Come on Chakotay, I'm here."

"Don't you die on me. Come on, breathe. Kathryn, listen to me, you have to breathe. Start breathing! Come on! Come on! Kathryn! You can't die."

"Chakotay, I'm here." She screamed until she was hoarse: trying to get the attention of the man she loved.

She watched the scene unfold as she heard her chief of security call down trying to get a message to the Command team. "Voyager to Sacajawea, do you read us?"

The tears running down Chakotay's face as he faced the inevitable truth that his wife and daughter were dead broke her heart. She watched as his hands felt for movements in the baby bump and it appeared he felt none. The tears came harder, and she just about died. "Yes, Voyager. How far are you? I have an emergency here."

"We're in orbit, Commander. We've located you but transporters won't function in the storm. A shuttle is on it's way to the surface now."

"The Captain's dead, and so is our daughter. We have to get her back to sickbay. The Doctor may still be able to revive her." He paused, "I know he probably won't be able to save my baby girl, but he might be able to save my wife."

"The away team should be with you in minutes." She heard the words of her chief of security, she had known him for years, and there was a slight hilt to his voice that told her she he was not confident.

"Acknowledged." He looked down at her corpse with such tenderness. "Kathryn, we're going to get you back; I love you too much to let you go."

She found herself in sickbay, still with a flat abdomen, still looking at 'herself' with the baby she wanted and the husband she 'had'.

The doctor looked at the Captain's lifeless body and took a hypospray from Kes. "Ten milligrams: cordrazine. We'll use it in conjunction with the cortical stimulator. Now!" The doctor looked desperate and she knew it wasn't good. *What the hell is going on?*

Kes stared at the Captain's lifeless body. They had to save her for the crew and for the Commander. "No pulse, no blood pressure, no electrical activity in the mid brain. No measurable response in the cerebral cortex."

"Again."

The doctor looked at the Commander and then at Kes. Kes piped up, "Doctor, we're getting a thready pulse."

"Quickly, seventy five milligrams inaprovaline. I'll begin direct synaptic stimulation."

"Pulse is weakening. We're losing her again."

Kathryn was watching herself and her baby dying in front of her husband's eyes. They were working on her, they had given up on the baby: Her little girl.

The EMH placed a cortical stimulator on her head. "Cortical stimulator, now!"

"No vital signs, no brain activity."

"Again!"

"No change!"

"Again!"

Even Kes the eternal optimist was giving up on her. Everyone was giving up on her. "Doctor!"

"Don't question me. Again! Make a note in the log. Death occurred at oh three twenty hours. Cause: massive cerebro- vascular collapse."

She was right here. She was ready to tell them. She tried to make herself known. *I'm here she thought, I'm right here, listen to me. "Computer, confirm Janeway voice pattern. Kes, you're a telepath, you've been able to sense things others can't. Kes, can you sense me?"

"Kes, please go to the science lab and prepare the autopsy protocols."

And then she was gone. Kathryn stared at the body, she stared at herself. She was not dead, she could not be dead...there were times in one's life that the emotional strain got to people and as she touched her flat belly she knew that time was now.

Kathryn saw Kes running away and followed her. Kes walked right through her. She was there, Kathryn was alive and Kes felt something.

The days of Kathryn believing there was nothing after death and that everything had a scientific explanation were in some ways over.

Kathryn the scientist was experiencing something that she had never experienced before: self doubt in her science.

Then she was looking at Kes and Tuvok, trying to figure out if Kathryn was indeed still alive. In her mind, as she felt her body and her mind reeling, she was still alive; but they didn't know it.

Tuvok had Kes' head encompassed by his hands. She was watching the two people she cared for trying to make a connection: trying to find her. *Where am I?*

"Let us try one more time. Open yourself to the impressions around you. The thoughts, the minds that are on this ship. All the minds that are on this ship.

"I hear them. So many voices."

Kes smiled as she heard the voices of the many crewmembers on the ship. She was trying and the new look of concentration told Kathryn just that. "They are a turbulent storm, and you are the one who must rise above the tempest to a place that is quiet."

"It's difficult."

"You must lift yourself from the confusion of the storm, soar into the quiet space among the stars where everything is still."

"Yes, I'm in that place now."

"Is there a voice that you can hear? A single voice isolated in the stillness."

Kathryn looked at Kes and tried to make her feel that she was there. Kes had to know she was there. Kathryn tried to reach out and touch Kes, touch Kes' mind. There had to be something she could do. "Kes, I'm here. Focus on me, on my voice."

Tuvok was trying to be logical, he was trying to get Kes to focus on him. "There are only two beings in the void, you and Captain Janeway. Nothing else exists that can interfere. Can you hear her voice, however faintly?"

"I'm trying." Kes was trying, she could feel it. She wanted it, she wanted to believe that Kes would feel her and that she wasn't dead: even though the feelings were more and more apparent that she was.

"Is there anything? Any presence in the void with you?"

"I don't think so. I can't hear anything."

"Kes, keep trying! You have to find me!"

Even Tuvok was trying to 'sense' her. Tuvok had known Kathryn for more than 20 years, he was a telepath he had to know she was there. "Now I am with you, moving through the quiet space. My thoughts join with yours, extending the range of the search."

"I'm just not getting anything."

"Nor am I."

"I felt empty, alone. Maybe you're right. What I sensed wasn't the Captain, it was me wanting to believe she wasn't dead." Kathryn felt tears beginning to run down her cheeks. *Tuvok, Kes – Someone had to know she was still here.*

"We've been trying for three days without success. Nor have Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim found any indication that the Captain is alive. There is a point at which we must accept the inevitability of her death."

"Thank you for helping. I don't think I would have accepted it if you hadn't at least tried. Goodnight." They were giving up, Kathryn was dead, she was not herself anymore there was nothing to go back to.

"Tactical Officer's log, supplemental. My attempt to help Kes detect the Captain's presence has ended in failure. I am forced to conclude that we have in fact lost Kathryn Janeway. I would like the record to show that I have lost a good friend as well as one whom I can never replace."

She felt the tears begin anew. "Oh, Tuvok."

She felt so alone, there was no one here with her, no one to help her: no one to help her. All of a sudden she felt herself 'dissolve' and then all of a sudden she was in the mess hall.

She stared at the many crewmembers around her paying their final tributes to her. She watched B'Elanna walk up and begin her eulogy: B'Elanna the woman who had become more a friend than an enemy over the past three years. "When I came to this ship I resented the fact that Captain Janeway was responsible for our being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant. I didn't think that she made the right decision and I certainly didn't want to serve under her command. In the beginning I fought her. Even when she made me Chief Engineer I didn't trust her reasons. I kept looking for a hidden agenda. I actually believed that she'd set me up to fail. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. She saw, she saw something in me that I didn't see. She saw a worthwhile person where I saw a lost and hostile misfit, and because she had faith in me I began to have faith in myself. And when she died, the first thing I thought was that I couldn't do this without her. That I needed her too badly - her strength and her compassion. But then I realised that the gift that she gave me, and gave a lot of us here, was the knowledge that we are better and stronger than we think. I wish I had said these things to her, I wish I'd taken the time."

Kathryn cried, her crew loved her and she would get to the other side knowing she had made a difference. Then Harry spoke of how much he loved and missed her.

Finally, Chakotay took the stand. "She was my wife, she was my saviour. As with many of the crew she saved us all, and we will continue in her memory. I lost a wife and a daughter today, but I know that her stamp on the Delta Quadrant and on this crew will stay forever. As we give her body to the space that she had served so loyally over the years." A yellow lieutenant blew the whistle and her body was forever given up to space and to the world in which she had lived. She cried and felt an odd sensation.

There was a flash of light and then she saw the EMH working on her body. *What was going on?*

"The cortical stimulator is working. I'm getting a weak pulse."

Chakotay stared at the body of his wife and then looked at her coming back. *She would make it she would come back. As she looked at her body she realized in that reality she was still pregnant.* "She's coming back."

The EMH placed a hypospray on her neck: "I'll use cordrazine along with the stimulator."

She felt a weird sensation, she was coming back but at the moment she was still existing in the 'afterlife waiting room' too.

She tried to open her eyes, tried to move her hand, it was tough, eventually Chakotay spoke up: "Her eyes are open."

The doctor spoke up giving her hope "Vital signs are responding. Blood pressure is sixty over thirty."

She was trying to wake up, trying to get back to the world she loved, and Chakotay's words helped her. "Kathryn, hang on. We're bringing you back. Just fight a little longer."

[Planet's Surface]

"Kathryn! Welcome back."

"Doctor, what happened?"

The doctor looked to the Captain's husband, "Perhaps you can explain, Commander."

"You and I were caught in a magnetic storm and crashed here. You were badly injured. The Doctor just arrived on the shuttle with Tuvok and began treating you; and he brought you back."

Kathryn placed her hand on her belly, "And I'm still pregnant, and the baby is okay?"

Chakotay stared at her, "The baby is fine, you went into premature labour when you got hit by debris in the shuttle, but the doctor stopped it and you and our daughter are fine."

"I saw her in 'the afterlife' or wherever I was. I knew it was a girl. I love her already."

"Another place? Some kind of afterlife?"

She smiled, "Maybe. But I can tell you this. From what I saw, it's certainly not where I'd like to spend eternity."

Captain's log, stardate 50518.6. The Doctor has examined me thoroughly and pronounced me physically fit, but I'll admit that it'll take a little longer to work through the emotional impact of my experience.

[Ready room]

Kathryn sat in her ready room and rubbed her tummy. The baby she assumed would make her appearance by week's end. At least she hoped so, she was sick of being pregnant, and as the doctor had told her: 'the baby was more than ready to face the outside world'."

The chime rang and she called for entrance: "Come in."

"I could have sworn I heard the Doctor tell you to take it easy for a few days. Especially this close to your due date: He said it could be any day now."

She smiled at his over protectiveness: she had almost died, she supposed she could understand his take in the matter. "Talking about it easy usually makes me feel worse, and the baby will come when she comes."

"You shouldn't push yourself. You've been through a lot."

"Oh. To tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on what happened."

She patted him on the back encouraging him to follow her out of the ready room. "Come on, Chakotay. We've cheated death, that's worth a celebration, don't you think? A bottle of champagne, moonlight sail on Lake George, how does that sound?"

"Like something worth living for." He grinned at her, "And it may be the last chance we have to enjoy ourselves before the baby comes and Taya has a new sister." She smiled and took his hand as they walked out of the ready room and towards the holodeck.

She stretched her back uncomfortable and knowing what was coming, but she wasn't ready just yet to tell Chakotay he would probably be a dad again by the end of the next day.

She rubbed her belly as she felt the child go restless beneath the fabric of the sundress she wore. She stared over the bow of the boat and wondered at the beauty of the moon shining on Lake George.

Chakotay walked up behind her and placed his hands over her belly. "She's restless tonight."

Kathryn smiled and nodded as she turned around to kiss him.

His hand slowly approached her breast and she felt her breath come in short gasps as she enjoyed the feelings of him touching her and in the knowledge that she was alive, and so was the child she carried.

He looked at her, waiting for her to approve what he was doing. At her smile and nod he slowly reached down and rubbed the baby belly. It was not sexual but she enjoyed it none-the-less.

He reached under the bump and went towards her pubic area and down towards her clit, he slowly rubbed her to completion as she was spasming and she felt the release that came with sexual completion she felt the wetness between her legs and realized the bag of water that had held her child for the past almost nine months broke releasing the pressure in her belly.

Chakotay looked down shocked at Kathryn, "Kathryn?"

"I think our baby has decided it is time to make her appearance."

END 8. Unknown Territory

TBC in 9. Terminal Velocity


	9. Chapter 9

Life Circles

9\. Terminal Velocity

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Summary: 6 months after 'Unknown Territory', we read 'Scorpion' and find out the real identity of Seven of Nine.

Length: 11, 978 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[6 months after 8. Unknown Territory]

It had been six months since Haley was born. She had lost most of the baby weight and the baby completed her and Chakotay's life. She had begun spending time in the holodeck, running a new program: DaVinci.

She stared at the hologram of one of the greatest men ever to have lived and studied the prototype of the 'first air plane' so to speak, she would make it better, "So what if you based it on the hawk, instead?"

He stared at her, the light bulb going on so to speak: "A hawk: A creature that glides through the air."

"Essatto."

He patted her on the shoulder, "We will design a new machine, and you, Catarina, will help me fly it."

Kathryn bartered for workspace and a time to work on things. It was nice to get out of the 24th century once in a while. Then her fantasy was disrupted as the real world came crashing down her.

Her husband and first officer's voice came across the line: "Chakotay to Janeway."

She sighed and tapped her combadge: time to be the Captain again, "Go ahead."

"Captain, we need you in Engineering. There's something here you should see."

"I'm on my way." She took one last look at DaVinci and called out to the computer, "Computer, end program."

Kathryn exited the holodeck and walked along the corridors meeting many crewmembers on the way. She saw them all working on whatever needed to be done: Chakotay had obviously given orders about what needed to be done while she was taking a couple of hours break.

*I wonder what the hell is so important?*

This would be the last normal day of her life for a long time to come.

She just didn't know it yet.

She marched into engineering ten minutes after the original hail to see Chakotay and B'Elanna huddled around a console staring at imagery, she watched, but she wasn't close enough to really see what they were looking at.

She slowly, almost uneasily walked up to the station. Everything appeared to be happening in slow motion. Chakotay was staring at her with a look of not fear, but concern on his face.

Whenever she saw that look she knew she was in for a surprise and normally it wasn't a good one.

She saw what they were staring at, and inadvertently let a sharp intake a breath escape her body. Her eyes focused on the picture in front of her. She stared at her husband worried; and felt the tension in the air around her, "What have you got?"

"Some bad news; the long range probe we sent out two months ago has stopped transmitting."

B'Elanna pointed at the images in front of her. Images of space around her, then all of a sudden the picture changed to that of a Borg Drone checking out the probe.

"At first I thought it was a problem with the communications grid. Then I cleared up the last few seconds of telemetry. Take a look at this."

Chakotay walked up to her and took her by the shoulder forcing her to stare into his deep obsidian orbs, "This could be it, Captain: Borg space."

Kathryn turned her big baby blues on her husband but refused to open her mouth, refused to admit how very much fear was coursing through her at that moment and just stared.

[Briefing Room 30 minutes later]

Kathryn wiped her hands over her face. The senior staff would be here soon enough, and then stuff would begin.

*Could they beat the Borg? She had always thought her crew could do anything, but possibly this was one battle they couldn't win.*

Kathryn had spent ten minutes walking the halls of Voyager in dazed silence: this was it. This was Borg Space.

She sighed, she looked out the window. She couldn't even save her kids, let alone her crew. She let a tear fall down her face. *Time to pull another rabbit out of your hat Kathryn.*

The doors opened and in came the senior staff.

The staff sat around the table, and Kathryn stood up. *Time to be the Captain Kat.* She looked at the staff trying to portray an air of confidence. "We don't know exactly how many vessels are out there; but their space appears to be vast. It includes thousands of solar systems: all Borg. We are no doubt entering the heart of their territory. There's no going around it but there may be a way through it."

She saw Chakotay's cynicism, and she knew that at some point she was going to be alone as a Captain if not as a wife. He turned away from Kathryn and towards the senior staff. "Before the probe was disabled, it picked up a narrow corridor of space devoid of Borg activity. We've nicknamed it 'The Northwest Passage'."

B'Elanna piped up, "Unfortunately, the passage is filled with intense gravimetric distortions. Probably caused by a string of quantum singularities."

Tom looked at B'Elanna and then turned to Kathryn. 'The past and the present colliding.' "Better to ride the rapids than face the hive."

Chakotay agreed with Paris, and this in itself was a miracle, "Exactly. We're going to set a course for that corridor; and go into full Tactical Alert. Where do we stand with weapons?"

"I have reprogrammed the phaser banks to a rotating modulation, but I suspect a Borg vessel will adapt quickly."

Chakotay looked at Tuvok who had just finished stating how they were going to try and beat the Borg. Even at this moment, Kathryn had her doubts, but Chakotay continued. "We can use every edge." He looked to Harry, "Ensign?"

Harry ever the optimist continued. "I've already configured the long-range sensors to scan for transwarp signatures: An early warning system."

"Good work. Doctor, how are you coming on the medical front?"

Kathryn stared at the EMH, hopefully he had an answer, he seemed to have come through for them every other time. "I've analysed every square millimetre of the Borg corpse we recovered three months ago. I'm closer to understanding how their assimilation technology works, and I might be able to create some sort of medical defence."

"Redouble your efforts. This is your top priority. Neelix, I doubt we can resupply the ship any time soon."

"No problem, Sir. I'm working on a plan to extend our food and replicator rations."

Finally Kathryn had listened to everything and now was the time to act. Now was the time she had to step up. "We have to act fast, the Borg have captured one of our probes: They know we're out here. We'll do everything in our power to avoid a direct confrontation; but if and when we do engage the Borg, I'm confident that we'll be ready. I have faith in each and every one of you."

She drew in a deep breath refusing to let anyone know that she was unsure and kept the sigh to herself. "Let's do it."

Kathryn walked out of the briefing room and entered her ready room. She was so tired, but she couldn't let herself be tired. She slapped her combadge, "Janeway to Wildman."

"Wildman here." Kathryn smiled at the sound of her science officer's voice.

"How are the girls doing?"

There was a sigh and she heard the littlest Janeway crying on the other end. "I think Haley's teething, and Taya is making a mess; but I have to admit that Naomi is having fun."

Kathryn laughed, "Thanks for the update: I'm not sure how long I'm going to have to stay on the bridge tonight."

"It's no problem Captain, really. I know that whatever you and the Commander are doing is important and has to be done."

Kathryn smiled to herself and tapped the combadge, "Well since everything seems to be going okay, Janeway out."

Kathryn sat behind her desk and looked at the readings. *What was she going to do?* She sighed. *No rest for the never weary.*

Kathryn wiped the tears away from her eyes; she was missing so much of her daughters' lives: but it was imperative that she get this crew home.

She'd stranded them out here and she was going to fix her mistake.

She sighed, "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Yes, Captain?"

"This isn't a professional call Chakotay: I know you're off duty in not too long, I have stay on the bridge and take care of some stuff. Can you make sure the girls are okay?"

Chakotay sat in his command chair on the bridge, "Of course Captain. I'll make sure they get tucked in tight for night."

Kathryn let a smile grace her features and thought how lucky she was to have a man like Chakotay to share her life with.

"Captain, could you come to the bridge for a few minutes, there are some things we need to take care of before Alpha Shift is done for the night."

"Of course Commander, I'll be right there. Janeway out."

Kathryn breezed onto the bridge, all set to become the Captain again. "Commander." She nodded her hellos.

She turned to Tuvok, "How's Kes?"

"Unsettled and uncertain. Over the past two hours, she has experienced several telepathic visions about the death of Borg, and the destruction of Voyager."

Chakotay looked to Tuvok, looking for answers. "Some sort of premonitions?"

"Possibly."

Janeway looked around at her senior officers, especially Tuvok and Chakotay. "We can't just ignore her intuition but I see no reason to alter our plan. Tuvok, I want you to keep an eye on her."

Harry gave his opinion, "Captain, long range sensors are picking up transwarp signatures, five point eight light years distance: Closing from behind."

Chakotay looked unsure, "Red Alert."

'Evasive manoeuvres.'

Chakotay looked at Paris, "What's happening?"

"We've dropped out of warp."

Kathryn looked at the whole bridge crew, maybe she was out of her league. She tapped her combadge. "Bridge to Engineering; what's going on down there?"

B'Elanna's flustered voice rang out over the comm. line. "I'm not sure, Captain. Some kind of subspace turbulence is preventing us from creating a stable warp field."

They scanned the Borg, there were many cubes in the way and then they moved off.

They fought with the Borg so to speak, playing chicken, wondering what their next move was going to be until they flew off into the sunset.

She turned to the senior staff occupying the bridge. "I'll take this near-miss as a good omen. Resume our course, Mister Paris."

Chakotay dubiously stated, "If we needed any more evidence that we've entered Borg space, I think we just got it."

She turned towards her ready room and stated as she was leaving, "I'll be in my Ready Room."

[Ready Room – 2 hours later]

Kathryn had been sitting behind the desk in her ready room for two hours, maybe more, maybe less. She wasn't sure. She was taking in all the many things that had been said by Starfleet brass over the years that had encountered the Borg.

Kathryn was sure of one thing though, they were alone.

There was no Starfleet to lean on. There was no Starfleet Brass to answer her questions or to shuffle her self-doubts.

She had no one.

The chime to her door rang and she knew it was her husband. She knew it had taken him a while to get the guts to actually interfere with what she was doing, but she also knew he worried about her. "Yes. come in."

He walked up to her desk and handed a padd. to her. "We've just completed the latest sensor sweep. So far: so good. 'The Northwest Passage' is still clear of Borg activity."

She reached out and took the padd., refusing to read it at the moment. "I'd like to see a tactical update."

"According to my calculations, neither of us has eaten since last night. Join me for dinner? The girls miss you. I was thinking that we'd have dinner with the family."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry. And I've got a lot of work to do."

"I see." He felt like he was losing his wife to the Borg without ever having been assimilated.

Kathryn sighed, thinking about all the reading she'd been doing and all the time with her girls that she'd been missing. "I've been looking through the personal log entries of all the Starfleet Captains who encountered the Borg. I've gone over every engagement, from the moment Q flung the Enterprise into the path of that first Cube to the massacre at Wolf Three Five Nine: Every battle, every skirmish; anything that might give me an insight into the mind of the Collective."

"And? Was it worth missing out on time with me and on time with our children?"

Kathryn glared at him. "It's not like that Chakotay. You knew from the get-go when we got involved that I am the Captain, and the ship's business had to come first."

He looked at her, "I know, but it still hurts for me and the girls: to possibly be put on the backburner." He paused and sighed staring at her determined face.

"In the words of Jean-Luc Picard, 'In their Collective state, the Borg are utterly without mercy, driven by one will alone: the will to conquer. They are beyond redemption, beyond reason.' And then there's Captain Amasov of the Endeavour. 'It is my opinion that the Borg are as close to pure evil as any race we've ever encountered.' What's so funny? "

Finally something had gotten Chakotay's attention, he grinned showing his dimples and despite the desperate times they were in, Kathryn felt her knees begin to shiver at the smile she had fallen in love with all those years ago. "Nothing."

"You're smiling. Obviously, I've said something amusing."

"You sounded just like Amasov."

"What?"

"Just now, while you were reading his log: You were using his inflections."

"I did not." She smiled at her husband showing the crooked smile that had fascinated him for years.

"Yes, you were. And before that, you were doing a pretty good Picard."

"Was I?"

"It's nothing to be ashamed about. Echoing the Greats. Ensign Hickman in Astrophysics does a passable Janeway." Kathryn's jaw dropped open; they thought she was a great: they thought she was a 'great'.

"If we manage to survive the next few days, I'm going to have a little chat with Ensign Hickman. Imitating the Captain, huh? Surely that violates some kind of Starfleet protocol. This day was inevitable; we all knew it; and we've all tried to prepare ourselves for the challenge ahead. But at what point is the risk too great? At what point do we come about and retreat to friendly territory? Could the crew accept living out the rest of their lives in the Delta Quadrant? I keep looking to all these Captains, my comrades in arms. But the truth is. I'm alone."

He was losing his wife and she had to realize she was never alone. "If that moment comes, we'll face it together. And we'll make the right decision. You're not alone, Kathryn."

Kathryn walked up to Chakotay and laid a hand on his chest: thinking about was what under the uniform. She looked into his brown soulful eyes, "Three years ago, I imagined a life without you, and never seeing you again. After years of pining, I have to wonder what has brought us together," She paused and rubbed a hand up and down his chest feeling the muscles lying just under the heavy Starfleet uniform, "Today I can't imagine a day without you."

Kathryn looked up and took her hand away from his chest, almost feeling guilty at being caught in a compromising position.

Tuvok interrupted the moment, "Captain Janeway to the Bridge."

[Bridge]

Kathryn stood on the bridge looking at the senior officers around her and at the sensor data.

She looked to her husband and they shared a look that spoke volumes, but said nothing.

Kathryn's eye's and heart fell at the thought that Harry had just informed her that there was someone more powerful than the Borg. *How was she going to deal with this?*

She knew deep in her heart and soul that as Captain she had to send Chakotay over to the Borg cube: He was the most qualified.

Kathryn sighed and looked at Chakotay, "Commander Chakotay, I want you to take an away team inside. Try to get a short-range scan of the bio-mass."

Tuvok stared at his Captain, "There are still Borg life signs, but they're unstable."

She - so to speak - 'pulled up her socks' and turned to the man she loved. "We'll keep an open comlink and an active Transporter lock. We'll pull you out of there at the first sign of trouble."

Chakotay gave one last longing look at his wife and looked to Tuvok, "Tuvok, Harry, you're with me."

[Bridge 30 minutes later]

Kathryn felt like she had been sitting on the bridge for hours, just waiting. In reality it had only been about 30 minutes.

Kathryn sighed.

[Sickbay]

Kes and the doctor were going about their rounds. Checking out the many Borg pieces of hardware they had acquired over the months and years they had been in the Delta Quadrant.

Kes stared at the doctor and lost her footing as she fell against the biobed."Kes?"

Kes stared at the doctor with fear in her eyes, "Harry's in danger."

"What are you-"

"Get them out of there."

[Bridge 45 minutes later]

Kathryn stared blankly at the console in front of her, hoping that the away team was okay, then she heard the doctor over the comm. "Sickbay to Janeway."

Kathryn hailed the away team hoping against all hopes that it wasn't Chakotay who was going to end up in sickbay. "Voyager to Away Team."

Kathryn heard her husband's voice and let an audible sigh of relief escape her. "Go ahead."

"Stand by for transport. We're getting you out of there." Kathryn all of a sudden felt better knowing the love of her life and the father of her children was soon going to be safe on Voyager.

"Good idea."

Kathryn breathlessly almost yelled "Energise." Everyone stared at the Captain knowing what was at stake for their Captain.

B'Elanna feeling her pain and tried her best and realized that sometimes even she couldn't produce miracles, "I can't get a lock on them."

Kathryn was almost in a panic as she stated, "What's the problem?"

"It looks like bio-electric interference from whatever's coming toward them."

Her panic was growing as she stared at B'Elanna, knowing that if anyone could save them she could. "Narrow the confinement beam."

"No effect. I'm going to try a skeletal lock."

Kathryn felt her eyes light up with hope. "What?"

"I think I can get a clean lock on the minerals in their bone tissue. I just came up with it, but I think it might work."

Kathryn stared at her chief engineer, hoping that this idea of hers would work and that her chief engineer was indeed as good as she'd hoped all these years, "I've got them."

Kathryn let a breath escape her and stared at her best friend with a look of thanks in her eyes, "A skeletal lock, huh? We'll have to add that one to the Transporter manual."

Tom interrupted the moment between his former love and his present love: his wife, "Captain, the bio-ship is powering up, like it's charging some kind of weapon."

Janeway went into Captain's mode. "Mister Paris, get us out of here. Maximum warp!"

"The alien ship is not pursuing."

Kathryn watched Kes walk onto the bridge and wondered what was going on that would bring her Ocampa doctor onto the bridge, "Kes?"

'I could hear its thoughts. The pilot of the bio-ship was trying to communicate with me. They're a telepathic species. I've been aware of them for some time now: The premonitions. Captain, it's not the Borg that we should be worried about, it's them."

Kathryn was worried; her new nemesis was in complete contact with a member of her crew. "What did it say to you?"

"It said: the weak will perish."

Kathryn walked into her ready room, and decided to make a log entry stating what was going on in case they ever did get to the Alpha Quadrant and Starfleet ever did look at their logs.

Captain's Log, Stardate 50984.3. It's been twelve hours since our confrontation with the alien life form. There's no sign that we're being pursued and we've had no further encounters with the Borg. I've decided to hold our course. The Northwest Passage is only one day away and I won't allow fear to undermine this crew's sense of purpose, even if that fear is justified.

Kathryn had gone to sickbay after everything; she had to make sure that Harry was okay.

The doctor had gone on about the many miraculous breakthroughs that he had made, and about the incredible immune response that Species 8472 had, and then she had stared at Harry. This virus was eating him alive.

She looked to the doctor for hope and answers, "Does Harry 'have' several days?"

"I wish I knew."

She walked up to where Harry was laying in wait for a miracle. Kathryn felt responsible and guilty, she had sent him on this away mission and she had wished that if anyone was going to die on this away mission it would be anyone but her husband, and now she faced her greatest fear, the hope had cost one of her crew their life.

"Fight it, Harry. That's an order."

Kathryn spun around as she heard the doors to sickbay opening. She watched B'Elanna walk in. "Captain!"

B'Elanna sounded surprised that anyone was in sickbay at this hour, but Harry was here fighting for his life. "Hello B'Elanna what brings you here?"

"Uh...um...I didn't think anyone was going to be here at this hour."

The doctor came out of his office. "Oh, hello Lieutenant."

The doctor came up with a tricorder. "What can I do for you tonight?"

B'Elanna fidgeted with her hands, "Uh...I need you to do a scan for me."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "I need something more specific than that B'Elanna."

"I need to know if I'm pregnant. I just thought I'd come here and sickbay would be empty."

Kathryn stared at B'Elanna, "Were you and Tom trying?"

B'Elanna let her eyes fall downwards, "No. But I'm three weeks late and I've been miserable in the mornings."

The doctor opened his tricorder and scanned her, "It appears that Miral is going to have a brother in about 6 months."

Kathryn walked up to B'Elanna and hugged her, "It will be fine B'Elanna: Tom is a good man he'll take it all in stride."

B'Elanna nodded, "I know, but I'm still nervous. Miral wasn't even planned, and now this one."

She placed her hands on her stomach in a protective motion. "How's Harry doing?"

Kathryn shook her head, "I don't know; and I don't think we will know until the doctor figures it out."

[2 hours later – Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn walked into their quarters. Chakotay was asleep; she guessed that everyone needed some shut eye.

She walked into Haley and Taya's room: They were both asleep, napping like they didn't have a problem in the world.

Kathryn sighed; she was due on the bridge in less than two hours: Chakotay probably didn't expect her home before she went to the bridge. On days like this she didn't sleep.

She slowly brushed the red-brown locks out of Haley's face and looked at the tiny dimples that the child shared with her father: In fact that child was more hers then her father's except the tiny dimples that donned her cheeks.

She turned around and left the girls' quarters and headed for the mess hall.

[Ready Room – one hour after staff meeting]

Kathryn had spent the staff meeting worrying about everything. It seemed they knew the reason that there was no Borg activity in the 'Northwest Passage': it was the domain of Species 8472. She felt like she was in over her head. What the hell was she going to do?

She sat down on the couch in the ready room and let her head fall to her hands as the tears fell. She looked up and prayed to whatever higher force was up there that her and her crew and her family would make it through this in one piece.

She heard the door chime and lifted her head, wiping the tears from her eyes, "Come."

Her husband walked in. "Hey, Kat: what's wrong?"

She sniffled, "Nothing, I just think I'm overtired." She stared at him, thinking it was time for the Captain to make an appearance: "That moment we spoke about? It's here: Any thoughts?"

Chakotay looked at her and knew this was the Captain speaking not his wife. "Just one: Flying into that corridor would mean certain death."

"Agreed. The Northwest Passage is no longer an option. So now the choice is between facing the Borg in their space or finding ourselves a nice planet here in the Delta Quadrant and giving up on ever getting home."

"We'd be turning around, but we wouldn't be giving up. We may find another way home."

Kathryn stared at him; she knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say. She walked up to the bars breaking her ready room up and pounded her hand on it. "I'm not ready to walk onto the Bridge and tell the crew we're quitting. I can't do that. Not yet. There must be an alternative."

Chakotay walked up to the woman he loved and all he could think was: "Kathryn; you haven't slept in two days. Try getting some rest, and clearing your head. We're safe, for the moment. We can tell the crew tomorrow, if we have to."

Kathryn turned around and grabbed his hand, hoping that she had support from him at least a little anyway. He pulled his hand away and she felt her life shattering. "See you in the morning."

She knew that tonight she would be sleeping alone.

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn went to their quarters and listened to the silence. No children, no husband. Her life felt like it was falling apart.

As she tried to let sleep overtake her, a thought came to her mind. She sat up quickly and was glad that she hadn't changed out of her uniform.

She walked out of her quarters and made her way to the holodeck, and activated the DaVinci program.

She walked in and revelled at the simplicity of the holodeck program in all its glory.

The hologram representing DaVinci, one of the greatest scientific and artistic minds in human history approached her. They began talking, in code about the Borg and Species 8472.

Finally she got to the point of coming to the holodeck. She looked at the candlelight on the wall. "There's a path before me. The only way home. And on either side, mortal enemies bent on destroying each other. If I attempt to pass through them I'll be destroyed as well. But if I turn around, that would end all hope of ever getting home. And no matter how much I try to focus my mind I can't see an alternative."

DaVinci looked at the wall where Kathryn's blue eyes seemed to pierce it. "When one's imagination cannot provide an answer, one must seek a greater imagination. There are times, when even I find myself kneeling in prayer. I must deliver a bronzetto to the Monks at Santa Croce. Come with me, Catarina, hey? We will awake the Abbot, visit the chapel and appeal to God."

Kathryn just about laughed at the simplicity of his answer. God, if there was one, would not help her today. "Somehow I don't think that's going to work for me. But there is an alternative I haven't considered." She stared bright eyed at DaVinci, "What if I made an appeal to the Devil?"

[Briefing Room]

Kathryn stood at the head of the table. She had just explained her plan, and Tom was dubious, "An alliance with the Borg?"

"More like an exchange. We offer them a way to defeat their new enemy and in return we get safe passage through their space. In developing a treatment for Harry, the Doctor has found a way to attack the aliens at a microscopic level."

She wished she was as confident as she sounded. She'd looked every member of her senior staff in the eyes and assured them that she knew what she was doing.

They had taken her at face value. Finally she'd turned to B'Elanna and Tom, the 'yes ma'am' and the 'aye captain' had sounded hollow to her ears.

Finally she turned to them all and stated, "Dismissed."

Everyone left save Chakotay. She stared at her husband; she had to make this the Captain and Commander speaking not Kathryn and Chakotay. "You were awfully quiet. "

He walked up to her looking for the 'Kathryn Janeway' that would listen to reason. "I didn't want the others to hear this, but I think what you're proposing is too great a risk."

"How so?"

He was spitting mad now. "We have two children to care for and keep safe. God knows how many others and others on the way, and a crew of adults of 150, I think it's just too great a risk."

"Chakotay, we promised ourselves that our children wouldn't get in the way of command decisions and neither would our marriage, I've already had this discussion with you."

He sighed, thinking how best to get through to the strong headed woman in front of him. "There's a story I heard as a child, a parable, and I never forgot it. A scorpion was walking along the bank of a river, wondering how to get to the other side suddenly he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river. The fox said no, if I do that you'll sting me, and I'll drown. The scorpion assured him, if I did that, we'd both drown. So the fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back, and the fox began to swim. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him. As the poison filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said why did you do that? Now you'll drown too. I couldn't help it, said the scorpion. It's my nature."

Kathryn glared at Chakotay, "I understand the risk and I'm not proposing that we try to change the nature of the beast, but this is a unique situation. To our knowledge, the Borg have never been so threatened: they're vulnerable. I think we can take advantage of that."

"Even if we do somehow negotiate an exchange, how long will they keep up their end of the bargain? It could take months to cross Borg territory. We'd be facing thousands of systems, millions of vessels."

Kathryn stared at her 'Commander', she had to make him see, "But only one Collective and we've got them over a barrel. We don't need to give them a single bit of information, not until we're safe. We just need the courage to see this through to the end."

He stared back; the glare might work on some, but not on him. The cautious approach: maybe that would work, "There are other kinds of courage. Like the courage to accept that there are some situations beyond your control. Not every problem has an immediate solution."

"You're suggesting we turn around."

He walked up behind her and entwined his arms around her waist. He whispered in her ear, "Yes. We should get out of harm's way." When she stiffened under his touch: he backed off. "Let them fight it out. In the meantime, there's still plenty of Delta Quadrant left to explore. We may find another way home."

Home, she had thought that he was beginning to think of Voyager as home. Her Irish temper flared, "Or we may find something else. Six months, a year down the road, after Species 8472 gets through with the Borg, we could find ourselves back in the line of fire, and we'll have missed the window of opportunity that exists right here, right now." She had to make him see, she needed his support.

"How much is our safety worth?"

"What do you mean?"

"We'd be giving an advantage to a race guilty of murdering billions. We'd be helping the Borg assimilate yet another species just to get ourselves back home. It's wrong!"

Now she was angry and sad, "Tell that to Harry Kim. He's barely alive thanks to that species. Maybe helping to assimilate them isn't such a bad idea. We could be doing the Delta Quadrant a favour." She knew what she was saying was wrong, she knew what she was trying was too dangerous: but she had to make him see this was the only way.

"I don't think you really believe that. I think you're struggling to justify your plan, because your desire to get this crew home is blinding you to other options. I know you, Kathryn. Sometimes you don't know when to step back."

"Do you trust me, Chakotay?"

Now he was pissed, "Now who's using our 'personal relationship' to gain control in the command one?"

She shook her head, "We can't do this now Chakotay, there's too much at stake."

"Trust isn't the issue Kathryn, and neither is our personal relationship."

"Oh, but it is. Only yesterday you were saying that we'd face this together, that you'd be at my side. And all those years ago when you pledged to be at my side, trust was what you were saying you'd give me."

"I still have to tell you what I believe. I'm no good to you if I don't do that."

"I appreciate your insights but the time for debate is over. I've made my decision. Now, do I have your support?" *That's always the issue isn't it Chakotay.* Kathryn thought.

"You're the Captain. I'm the First Officer. I'll follow your orders. That doesn't change my belief that we're making a fatal mistake."

"Then I guess I am alone, after all." She waved him away, "Dismissed."

And she once again felt the uncertainty of her decisions, and the lack of trust her husband had in her.

Kathryn rubbed her tummy and prayed that the child she was carrying would see the end of the tunnel that her parents were trapped in.

[Bridge]

Kathryn looked out the viewscreen at the many Borg Vessels that were surrounding them. She finally did her duty and decided to talk to the 'Borg Collective'. "Borg vessel, this is Captain Janeway of the Starship Voyager. I have tactical information about Species 8472. I want to negotiate."

Chakotay was watching her; she was going to go through with this. One thing about Kathryn Janeway is when she made up her mind there was no changing it. He listened to the Borg Collective answer her request. "Negotiation is irrelevant. You will be assimilated."

Kathryn turned and looked at Chakotay, he wasn't sure if she was asking for his support or just requesting answers. It didn't matter; she was going to go ahead. "Borg vessel. What you're receiving is a sample of the knowledge we possess. If you don't disengage your tractor beam immediately, I will have that data destroyed. You have ten seconds to comply. We know you're in danger of being defeated. You can't afford to risk losing this information. Disengage your tractor beam –"

Chakotay watched breathless as Kathryn disappeared before his very eyes. No matter how mad he was at her she was still his wife and the mother of his children.

[Borg Ship]

Kathryn opened her eyes and found herself in the Borg Cube: staring at the many Borg alcoves.

She felt the fear drain from her face, and her hand unconsciously went to her abdomen. *She could not have this baby.*

"State your demands."

Kathryn sucked in a deep breath; she had to make this work. "I want safe passage through your space. Once my ship is beyond Borg territory, I'll give you our research."

The Borg answered her suggestion. "Unacceptable. Our space is vast. Your passage would require too much time. We need the technology now."

Time to play her trump card: time to make this work. "If I give it to you now, you'll assimilate us."

"Species 8472 must be stopped. Our survival is your survival. Give us the technology."

She paused considering her options and then decided that she had been right all along. "No. Safe passage first or no deal."

"State your proposal."

"Let's work together. Combine our resources. Even if we do give you the technology now, you're still going to need time to develop it. By working together, we can create a weapon more quickly. If you escort us through your space we can perfect the weapon as we –"

Chakotay was standing on the bridge, he was grasping at straws, he didn't want his last words to Kathryn to be the ones he had said to her. Chakotay heard the comm. System engage. "Wildman to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here, what's up Samantha?"

"Your babies are getting rather grumpy; do you know when you'll be home?"

Chakotay sighed, "The Captain is stuck on the Borg Cube, when she gets back I'll make sure that we come and get the kids; can you keep them for now?"

"I can, I'm sorry Chakotay. I hope you get your wife back safe and sound."

"Thanks, Chakotay out."

He looked to Torres, "B'Elanna?"

"I'm trying to energise. The Borg are scattering the beam."

If anyone could do it, it would be B'Elanna, "We're being hailed."

Chakotay was frustrated. "I need her here B'Elanna, this ship needs her Captain. Put the Borg on screen."

Kathryn's face appeared on the viewscreen, "Commander. Cut the transporter beam."

He looked up at the viewscreen confused, "Kathryn, we need you here."

"I said cut the transporter beam Commander."

Chakotay turned around and faced B'Elanna, making a 'cut' motion. B'Elanna cut the transporter beam. "Captain?"

"Do it. I've reached an agreement with the Collective. We're going to help them design a weapon against Species 8472. In exchange, they've granted us safe passage through their space."

Tom looked at Chakotay, "The Cube is altering course. They're heading toward the Alpha Quadrant."

Kathryn was on the Borg Cube and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't afraid, but she had to make this work. It was not an option she couldn't spend that many years fighting with the Collective and not making her stance known.

She looked to her husband, "That's part of the plan. We'll work on the weapon en route. Once we're across their territory, we'll give them the nanoprobes. They appear to be holding up their end of the bargain. I suggest we do the same."

Chakotay was a little bit confused by the turn of events. "How do you propose we begin this collaboration?"

"I'm going to work here, on the Cube. They have technology that'll make the job go faster. I want to take advantage of it."

Chakotay was livid. "Kathryn, you don't have to stay on that Borg Cube: It's not necessary for you to stay there. We can set up a comlink with the Borg and –"

"It's part of the deal. I work here."

"Damn it Kathryn, think about the crew, think about Haley and Taya."

"COMMANDER, this is not the time to let personal feelings get in the way: I work here."

"All right, as long as we're co-operating, maybe the Borg would be willing to disengage their tractor beam. We can match their course without a leash."

"I'll propose it. Mister Tuvok, transport to my co-ordinates."

"Understood."

"We're going to make this work, Commander. Janeway out."

At least Chakotay was confident that Tuvok would try to keep her safe. He would try to save his Captain from herself.

He knew despite the problems that he and Tuvok had had in the past that he loved her in a way and would keep her safe.

Chakotay turned to Torres, "You heard the Captain."

Then he walked up to Tom at the helm, "I need to go and visit the kids for a little bit."

Tom nodded, "You're whooped commander."

Chakotay stared at Tom, "Oh like you have a right to talk: I think B'Elanna has you by the hair there Tom."

Chakotay felt a sense of relief that even during a time this dire; there was still room for levity on the ship.

Chakotay walked off the bridge and headed for Sam's quarters where his family was. "Chakotay to Sam?"

"Sam here, what do you need Chakotay?"

"I'm going to come by and see the girls for a little bit."

"Sounds good Commander, but they are being cranky, I think they're tired."

"Okay well I should be there within the next ten minutes."

"Sounds good; Wildman out."

[Wildman Quarters]

Sam walked up to Naomi who was holding little Haley, "Here, let me take her for a bit, you go check on Taya."

"No problem mom. Did I tell you that I think that you watching the Captain and Commander's girls while they are on duty is a really great thing. I love having the babies around."

Wildman nodded and ran her hand over Naomi's golden-red locks. "Thanks Naomi, go check on Taya and I'll see you in a bit."

Naomi walked into the other room, Samantha began rubbing the six month old's back and before she knew it baby Haley was asleep in her arms.

Chakotay rang the chime and Samantha bid him entrance, "Hi Chakotay. Your daughter finally decided it was time to take a nap."

Chakotay reached out for his daughter and took the baby from Samantha's arms. He rocked the baby in his arms. "Can I leave them here with you for a little bit longer? I need to make sure that Kathryn is okay."

Samantha smiled, "No problem Chakotay."

Naomi walked out of her room, "Mom, Taya fell asleep on my bed."

"It's okay Naomi; you can sleep in my bed tonight."

Naomi nodded and went to crash for a bit.

Chakotay went to lay Haley in the playpen to sleep for a bit. "It's really getting tense on the bridge right now; I've taken you off duty for the next couple of days so you can watch the kids."

Samantha nodded, "No problem Chakotay. I know you and the Captain have a lot to deal with."

Chakotay nodded and walked out of the quarters, thanking her on his way out.

As Chakotay walked along the hallways of Voyager, praying for his wife he thought about the precious children that Kathryn had given him.

He wondered why the crew supported her no matter what and then he realized that they loved her and wanted to see her happy too.

Then he contemplated this crazy Borg plan that she was coming up with, hoping that she would survive the 'coming apocalypse' with the Borg.

He walked onto the bridge, "Report."

Tom piped up, "We still haven't heard anything new from the Captain, but the Borg are keeping course."

Chakotay nodded, "Stay course then and hopefully everything will work out for the best for us."

[Borg Cube]

Tuvok stared at his Captain. "The Commander is worried about you."

Janeway smiled, "Tell me something I don't know."

"May I ask where we're being taken?"

"Grid nine two of sub junction twelve: Our very own workspace. It's near the centre of the Cube."

He handed her a tricorder, "These are my tricorder readings of the bio-ship we examined. I believe you will find them most revealing."

Kathryn opened her mouth surprised, "Have you compared this to the Doctor's analysis of the alien tissue?"

"Yes. Many of the cellular structures are identical."

"The aliens and their ships are made of the same organic material."

"Apparently so."

The two officers walked along going to the chamber that had been classified as theirs.

The Collective's voice rang out, "You have entered grid nine two of sub junction twelve. Proceed."

Kathryn looked at Tuvok hoping that he agreed with what she was doing before standing up ramrod straight and addressing the collective. "All right. We've analysed one of the alien vessels, and it appears to be constructed of organic material vulnerable to the modified nanoprobes. I suggest we begin thinking about a large-scale delivery system, a way to infect their ships and destroy them at the microscopic level."

"We will begin."

The Borg Drone that had approached them, threw them to the ground and began trying to attach a neuro-transmitter to their necks. Tuvok spoke up and Kathryn could almost feel the palpable fear in his voice. "What are you doing?"

"A neuro-transceiver is required for maximum communication. We will work as one mind."

Kathryn began to feel the fear coursing through her body as well, and hoped that she was going to see her husband and girls again. "No. That wasn't the agreement."

"The neural link is temporary. You will not be damaged."

"I don't care. I prefer to communicate verbally, thank you."

"Your primitive communication is inefficient."

Tuvok spoke up, guaranteeing his place in this conversation. "On the contrary. We work better with our individuality intact. Surely, we've proven that to you by now."

"Irrelevant. You must comply. "

Kathryn held her own, "We must do nothing. Tell your drone to remove the transceiver. What about choosing a representative? A single Borg we can work with and talk to directly."

"Elaborate."

Kathryn was going to make this work, "You've done it before. When you transformed Jean-Luc Picard into Locutus. We will not be assimilated. Choose a representative or the deal's off."

A single Borg Drone escaped from the clutches of the collective. She was their 'ambassador, "I speak for the Borg."

She stared at the Borg Drone, "I'm Captain Janeway. This is Lieutenant Tuvok."

The Borg Drone looked smugly at them, "We are aware of your designations."

Kathryn ignored the 'Borg Superiority' attitude, "What's your designation?"

"Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One. But you may call me Seven of Nine. You are proposing a large-scale weapon. We concur."

"I thought you might."

Tuvok decided it was his turn to enter into the conversation and give his input. "We could encase the nanoprobes in some of our photon torpedoes. In essence, turn them into bio molecular warheads."

"Your torpedoes are inadequate. They lack the necessary range and dispersive force."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"We are Borg."

Tuvok felt his Vulcan resolve taking a hit, "I take that as a yes."

"A multikinetic neutronic mine. Five million isotone yield."

"An explosion that size could affect an entire star system."

"Correct. The shock wave will disperse the nanoprobes over a radius of five light years."

Kathryn got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. That could jeopardize everything that could make her the nemesis of most people in the Delta Quadrant: but she had to get her crew and her family home. "That's somewhat larger than I had in mind. You're proposing a weapon of mass destruction."

"We are."

"Well, I'm not. You'd be endangering innocent worlds."

"It would be efficient."

Tuvok decided now would be the time to be the voice of reason, "We'd need approximately fifty trillion nanoprobes to arm this mine. It would take the Doctor several weeks to replicate that amount. You are losing this conflict. Are you willing to risk further delay?"

"Right now your enemy believes it is invulnerable. If we create smaller weapons using our torpedoes and destroy a few of their bio-ships, it may deter them; convince them to give up this war."

Seven stared at the officers almost with a penetrating gaze, "You are individuals. You are small, and you think in small terms. But the present situation requires that we consider your plan. Voyager's weapons inventory. Photon torpedo complement thirty-two class six warheads. Explosive yield two hundred isotons."

If a Vulcan could seem surprised, now was the time, "How did you obtain this information?"

"We are Borg."

Kathryn felt for this woman who had had a life no doubt on Earth, and who was now being forced to become a tool for the collective, but she couldn't let her feelings of self-doubt shade what she was doing.

Her hand went instinctively to her belly, comforting the child that lay within, and knowing that with the Borg ahead of them for who knew how long she could not carry this child to term: She barely had enough time for the two that she did already have.

On Voyager, Chakotay was doing his best to try and keep the Captain and his wife safe.

Paris made his presence known by coming up with bad news, "They're charging weapons."

"Shields! Keep a lock on the Away Team!"

B'Elanna who was never on the bridge but who could pull a rabbit out of her hat when need be, gave the answer that Chakotay didn't need to hear but needed to embrace, "Direct hit to our secondary hull!"

Harry answered that he had lost transporters and by proxy the lock on the away team as well as weapons and shields.

[Borg Chamber]

Tuvok looked with wide eyes to Seven of Nine and to the Captain, "Voyager has taken heavy damage."

Kathryn looked scared at her chief of security, and then away and to Seven of Nine. "My children and my husband are on that ship...and the nanoprobes."

"We cannot let the nanoprobes be destroyed."

On the bridge of Voyager, Paris and Chakotay had no options left, "We're being targeted!"

Chakotay looked at Paris, knowing they were out of options and saying the only thing that came to mind. "Brace for impact!"

He felt his eyes closing and waiting for death, when the impact was seen on the screen. It wasn't them, it was the cube. *Kathryn.* He turned to Tom, "The Cube?"

Paris numbly answered, "Destroyed, and it took the bio-ship with it."

Chakotay heard the com. line open. "Tuvok to Chakotay."

Chakotay felt his heart jump, if Tuvok was okay, maybe Kathryn had made it too. "Go ahead, Tuvok. Where are you?"

"I'm in Cargo Bay Two."

Tuvok crawled along the floor of Cargo Bay Two, seeing the Borg making themselves at home, and Kathryn Janeway lying on the ground: no doubt hurt from the blast she had sustained. "Along with the Captain and a number of Borg."

[Bridge]

Tuvok hailed Chakotay giving him the answer he was looking for. "We were beamed over just before impact. We require assistance."

Chakotay tried to keep the line open, what had happened? "Tuvok. Tuvok? Secure that deck. Security Team to Cargo Bay Two. Paris, you have the Bridge."

[Cargo Bay Two]

Seven stared at the Starfleet Security officers, coming in this guns blazing, "Lower your weapons. We are here with your Captain's consent. It was necessary to sacrifice our vessel to protect yours."

Chakotay walked in and he watched the Borg Drone lift her hand and no doubt her weapons, "We have an alliance do we not?"

Chakotay nodded and against his better judgement kept the alliance.

[Sickbay]

Tuvok and Chakotay were discussing the fact that for the moment the Borg were staying put. Kathryn was stuck in sickbay waiting for surgery from the doctor.

Chakotay had asked him and in the end almost ordered him to not sedate her before he'd had a chance to speak with her.

The doctor approached the Captain. "Captain, have you had a chance to tell the Commander yet about his son?"

Kathryn shook her head, "No, and you're not going to tell him. The crew needs me more than I need another baby. Please, I'm giving you permission that if you have to abort the baby to save me please do."

The doctor sadly nodded and motioned for Chakotay to come over.

Kathryn motioned for him to get closer to her, "The Doctor explained my condition. You're in command." If only he knew that the words she was stating were a double-edged sword.

He nodded, "I understand." All she could think was 'no you don't' but continued, reaching up and grasping his hand with her one hand and his uniform with the other. "They'll push you, they'll threaten you, but they need you. They need this alliance. You have to make this work. I want you to make this work. Get this crew home and our family home."

"I won't, and the crew can't without you."

"Yes they can and yes you will." He bent down and gave her one last kiss on the lips, making sure she understood how much she meant to him.

The Doctor approached, interrupting the moment. "I must begin."

The hours, and even the days progressed. The doctor worked vigilantly on the Captain and Chakotay cared for their children and her ship.

He escaped many time to sickbay to stand vigil by her bedside praying she would make it.

One night he'd even pleaded to her, hoping she would hear and understand, "Well, I've made my decision. If it were only a matter of going against the orders of my superior officer. You're more than just my Captain, you're my friend, you're my lover and you're the mother of my children."

He paused looking at the deathly still woman in front of him. "I hope you'll understand."

He held her hand and kissed her fingers one last time. Taya had begun asking where 'Mama' was. And he just had to say she'll be home soon.

He hoped he was right.

[Bridge]

The next morning on the bridge, they were looking for a spot where they could drop off the Borg. Finally after two days of searching, and two days of the Borg making a mess of Cargo Bay Two, they discovered it. "Class H moon. Oxygen-argon atmosphere."

"It'll do. Take us out of warp and enter orbit."

Paris turned around and looked at Chakotay, "Aye, sir."

"Stand by to transport the Borg directly from the Cargo Bay. After they're on the surface, have Security run a sweep of –"

"I'm reading power fluctuations in the deflector array."

"Cause?"

"It looks like the Borg have accessed deflector control. They're trying to realign the emitters."

Chakotay was getting really worked up. First the Borg take his wife and put her in sickbay, and then they try to take their ship. This had gone too far. "Shut them out."

The tension on the bridge was palpable, they needed to get control. "They've bypassed security protocols."

Chakotay swore under his breath.

B'Elanna was on the bridge, trying to get control, trying to help Chakotay get control: "We're emitting a resonant gravitation beam. It's creating another singularity."

Chakotay yelled, almost losing control: "Reverse course."

"We're fighting intense gravimetric distortion. I can't break free!"

Chakotay spoke out to the Borg, "Bridge to Cargo Bay Two. Stop what you're doing, or I'll depressurise that deck and blow you out into space. This is your final warning."

The Borg refused to cooperate and Chakotay turned to Tuvok, "Do it!"

"Decompression cycle complete."

Harry piped up not knowing why it wasn't working, "I still don't have deflector control."

"Commander, a single Borg has survived."

Paris yelled, "We're being pulled in!"

Chakotay stared at the colours encompassing the screen and turned to look to Tuvok for answers, "Report."

"We appear to have crossed an interdimentional rift."

"We've definitely left our galaxy. No stars, no planets."

B'Elanna was the voice of reasoning for once, "I'm re-calibrating sensors. The entire region is filled with some kind of organic fluid. This isn't space: it's matter."

Chakotay heard the Borg's voice come across the comm. line. This was the Borg that was still there, the one that would make their life a living hell. "Commander

Chakotay. We have entered the domain of Species 8472. Report to the Cargo Bay."

He turned to Tom, now he was being ordered around by a Borg Drone, "Paris, re-pressurise Cargo Bay Two."

He turned to Tuvok beckoning him to join him, "Tuvok."

[Cargo Bay Two]

Chakotay walked up to the Drone that was standing in the Cargo Bay as if she owned it. He stared into her blue orbs: there was something familiar there.

He pulled his gaze away from the blue spheres and looked at her for answers. "Our entry into fluidic space has created a compression wave. They know we're here. A fleet of bio-ships is already converging on our position. Time to intercept, three hours, seventeen minutes."

Chakotay stared at her, "You've been here before. How else, could you know about fluidic space?"

"We must prepare this ship for the altercation. We will construct –"

Chakotay was spitting mad, "Why? Why were you here? You started this war, didn't you? What's the matter? Our galaxy wasn't big enough for you? You had to conquer new territory? But this race fought back: a species as malevolent as your own."

"Species 8472 was more resistant than we anticipated. Their technology is bio-genically engineered. It is superior to that of all species we have previously encountered."

Tuvok looked at her, "Which is precisely what you wanted."

"They are the apex of biological evolution. Their assimilation would have greatly added to our own perfection."

"So instead of assimilating these aliens you opened a door for them to our galaxy."

Seven stared at the commanders; sure of what she needed to do in order to save her species. "There is only one course of action. Destroy them first. My subspace link to the Collective has been weakened by the interdimensional rift. We cannot signal for help. We are alone. We must construct a compliment of bio-molecular warheads and modify your weapons to launch them."

Chakotay shook his head incredulous, "I've got a better idea. Why don't you open that singularity again and take us back."

"If I did that, you will no longer co-operate."

The comm. line opened and he heard the doctor`s voice above the din of what was going on in the Cargo Bay. Doctor to Chakotay."

"Go ahead."

"Report to Sickbay at once."

He stared once more at the Borg Drone and answered the doctor: "On my way."

[Sickbay]

The doctor shook his head. "The Commander will be here soon, but I have to tell you...I was forced to remove the foetus from your body: you're lucky to be alive forget the baby you carried."

Janeway nodded slightly as the sickbay door opened; she stared at the ground holding back the tears for the child who never had a chance.

Chakotay stared at his wife, head down: he knew she was a little pissed. "Kathryn?"

"As you can see, I've repaired her neural damage. Ensign Kim, the Captain, I'm two for two."

"Doctor, if you'll excuse us a moment."

"Hmm? Gladly. Computer deactivate EMH Program."

Kathryn lifted her head and walked towards her husband, but at the moment he was her commander, and couldn't be anything more. "The Doctor brought me up to speed but he couldn't tell me what I really wanted to know. Why?"

Chakotay looked at the woman he had loved and cherished for as long as he could remember, but right now he was staring at 'the Captain'. "The Collective ordered me to reverse course. Travel forty light years back the way we came. What would you have done?"

"I probably would've reversed course. Maintained the alliance as long as possible."

"In my mind, the alliance was already over."

Kathryn was getting angry, not the Captain but Kathryn. This had all been too much for her today and she was letting her personal feelings override the Captain's orders. At this moment though: she didn't care. "You never trusted me. You never believed this would work. You were just waiting for an opportunity to circumvent my orders."

The devil had reared its ugly head; they had lost themselves in the Captain and Commander. "Trust had nothing to with it. I made a tactical decision."

"And so did I."

"They have been taking advantage of us from day one."

"We made concessions, so did they."

Chakotay decided at that moment he had to say something that would appeal to her sense of morality and her sense of goodness. She had trusted the wrong person. "They lied. The Borg started the war with Species 8472. We've only got one Borg left to worry about. We should try to disable her and get back to the Delta Quadrant. We might be able to duplicate the deflector protocols they used to open a singularity."

"Don't Chakotay, don't do this. I want our marriage to still stand a chance when this is over."

"Kathryn I'm not telling you anything that you didn't already know."

Kathryn had tears rushing down her face. She approached Chakotay and he tilted her head up to look at him.

She drew back and her fists began pounding on his chest. "That's not fair. This is a fight between the Captain and the Commander, not Kathryn and Chakotay."

Chakotay scoffed, "Can you really compartmentalize your life that easily? Your father did that and look where it got him, you resented him, and you didn't want to be like him. You told me so yourself."

Kathryn took in a deep breath, ignoring the feelings that were bubbling to the surface. "I won't be caught tinkering with the deflector when those aliens attack. There's no other way out of this, Chakotay. It's too late for opinions, it's too late for discussion. It's time to make the call, and I'm making it. We fight the aliens in full co-operation with the Borg."

Chakotay was angry now, he was losing his wife to their duties as Captain and Commander, "I was linked to a Collective once, remember? I had a neuro-transceiver embedded in my spine. I know who we're dealing with. We've got to get rid of that last Borg and take our chances alone."

"It won't work. This isn't working, either. There are two wars going on. The one out there, and the one in here, and we're losing both of them."

"It has always been our undoing Kathryn that attempt to separate our 'personal life' from the 'professional life'."

"I don't know what else to do Chakotay; I have been the Captain for so long that I can't differentiate them anymore."

"It will be your undoing."

Kathryn turned around and stared at her husband. "What?"

"Our conflicted nature. Our individuality. Seven of Nine said that we lack the cohesion of a Collective mind, that one day it would divide us and destroy us, and here we are, proving her point."

Kathryn spun around to face him, "I'll tell you when we lost control of this situation, when we made our mistake. It was the moment we turned away from each other. We don't have to stop being individuals to get through this; we just have to stop fighting each other."

Kathryn and Chakotay had spoken, and before they knew it they were kissing, and it was like old times. His hand approached her breast and she cut him off before things got out of hand.

"I'm sorry Chakotay; we can't do this right now."

Chakotay looked hurt but nodded, "Well we have talked out this Borg situation and I think what you suggested can work. I must say that I hate being hooked up to the 'Collective' again."

Kathryn smiled, "I know Chakotay, but we have to make this work."

Chakotay nodded, "I know Kathryn, for us, for our children, for the crew and for the future."

Kathryn nodded, "I'm going to the bridge to meet our 'ambassador', and hopefully we won't have to use this alternative; but in the moment that we have to good luck."

He kissed her once more, and they went off to their respective places.

Kathryn entered the bridge and fought with Seven of Nine over the nanoprobes, stating she was now in charge and that Commander Chakotay was confined to the brig.

Kim interrupted their conversation: "Borg modifications are complete."

"Bring them online."

"Torpedo launch tubes active. Hull armour engaged. Shield enhancements stable."

All Kathryn could think was this might work; they might make it through this with their lives and loves intact. Tuvok stared at Kathryn and she was sure that from time to time he was reading her mind. "Bio-molecular weapons are ready. Thirteen standard photon torpedoes and one class ten, armed with a high-yield warhead."

Kathryn opened her comlink, "All hands, this is the Captain. Ready your stations. Seel all emergency bulkheads and prepare to engage the enemy. Stand by for my orders. Battle stations."

All she could think was this how most Captains must feel and must have felt from the beginning of time. She was unsure, she was hopeful, but she was unsteady.

Then it happened the bioships exited fluidic space and entered normal space, and they fired and nothing happened, and Kathryn's worst nightmares were coming true.

The bioships all charged weapons and fired.

And then they blew up, and then there was no threat any longer.

Kathryn breathed out a sigh of relief and turned to Tuvok with a questioning gaze, "Thirteen bio-ships have been destroyed. The others are in retreat."

Kathryn spun around at the sound of the Drone's voice, "I have regained full contact with the Collective."

"What are they saying?"

"All remaining bio-ships in the Delta Quadrant are returning to their realm. The Borg have prevailed."

Janeway stared at her, "With a little help from us. Now it's time you fulfilled your end of the agreement. Tell the Collective we expect safe passage from here on out. We'll give you a shuttlecraft. You can head for the nearest Borg ship."

Seven looked at Kathryn smugly, "Unacceptable. This alliance is terminated. Your ship and its crew will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile."

She tapped her combadge, "Bridge to Chakotay. Scorpion."

He heard his wife's voice and went to work, "Seven of Nine, stop what you're doing. You're human, a human individual. Our minds are linked. We are one. I can hear your thoughts "

The doctor chimed in, "His link is stable, but it won't be for long. You must hurry!"

B'Elanna answered, "Just a few more seconds."

Chakotay felt the memories entering his brain, he felt them encompassing 'who he was'. "I can see your memories: You remember being human."

Chakotay stared at the image of a red-headed girl, of a young Kathryn pregnant of Tom Paris being his cocky self. *My god.*

The woman answered, breaking his concentration: "We are Borg. Your appeal to my humanity is pointless."

The doctor spoke of losing the link, Chakotay saw the baby, saw 'Admiral' Paris, he saw his wife's past flash before his eyes. "Listen to your human side, to yourself, the little girl. Seven of Nine. Jennica!"

The doctor looked concerned, "He's losing the link!"

B'Elanna saved the day once again, "Initiating power surge now!"

[Bridge]

Tuvok was taking the readings. Kathryn stared at the body of the Borg, and then back at Tuvok. "Her connection to the Collective is severed."

She looked at the Borg woman, then back at Tom, "Get her to Sickbay."

Then her mind went back to Chakotay, her Commander, her husband, the father of her children: the love of her life. "Bridge to Doctor. Report."

"Commander Chakotay's going to be all right, although he may wake up with a bit of a headache."

[Bridge]

She looked at Tom and pleaded for him to alter course before he took the woman to sickbay, "Tom, plot a course out of Borg space. Maximum warp."

Tom nodded, and entered the coordinates. "Yes, Ma'am."

Captain's Log, Stardate 51003.7. Three days, and no sign of Borg or bio-ships. We appear to be out of danger, but the entire crew is still on edge and so am I.

Despite everything that seems to have happened over the last few weeks, it seems that mine and Chakotay's relationship will survive. I saw the girls for the first time in three days tonight, and I spoke with Chakotay. He seems to be none the worse for wear after his ordeal with the Borg.

Not even the calm of Master Da Vinci's workshop is enough to ease my mind.

[Da Vinci's Workshop - night]

Chakotay walked up to his wife. "Am I interrupting?"

She smiled at him then reached up her face to him and kissed him. "Not at all: Just finishing up my Log."

He looked at his scientist wife writing her logs on old fashioned paper with an old fashioned quill pen, forcing him to wonder what was up. "The old-fashioned way."

"I wanted to get as far away from bio-implants and fluidic space, and this feels more human somehow."

"I hate to spoil the mood, but you might want to look at this Engineering report. It'll take at least two weeks to remove the Borg technology from our systems. B'Elanna did note that the power couplings on deck eight work better with the Borg improvements."

"Leave them. How is our passenger?"

"The Doctor says she's stabilising. Her human cells are starting to regenerate." He paused not sure how to broach the next subject. "I think I know who that Drone is; I shared her memories, and in a way I shared yours."

Kathryn stared at her husband. "I'm sorry, I don't think I understand what you're talking about, all I know is that I wonder what's left under all that Borg technology. If she can ever become human again."

"You plan to keep your daughter on board."

She stared at him, "What are you talking about my daughter?"

"I asked the doctor to do a genetic work-up on her after seeing her memories: That Borg is your daughter."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open. "That Borg is Jennica?"

"As far as he can tell that Borg is the mixture of yours and Tom Paris' DNA."

Kathryn shook her head confused, "I'm not sure what you're implying."

"That is your child."

She shook her head, "She was never my child."

He took his wife into her arms, "You plan to keep her aboard, and all I know is after all is said and done there are going to be a lot of questions that need answering and a lot of answers that you need to give."

Kathryn shut herself off, "Good. Well, I think it's time we get back to our bridge."

Chakotay stared at his wife shutting herself off, he took her shoulders and turned her to him. "You need to deal with this."

She stared at him, "I need to get back to work."

"Kathryn we'll deal with this."

"Yes but not right now, right now the crew needs me."

"No argument there; and know that I will always be there for you."

She nodded and took his hand as they went to stand on the bridge, the discoveries of the day on the backburner.

"Let's take care of what we have to on the bridge, and then we'll go home. I need to see my girls."

Chakotay nodded and led her to her comfort zone.

Hopefully all would be good in the days to come.

END Velocity

TBC in 10. Flaws and Demons


	10. Chapter 10

Life Circles

10\. Flaws and Demons

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Summary: Directly after 'Terminal Velocity', Janeway and Jennica try to come to terms, and infedelity is unmasked.

Length: 7,468 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[Directly after 'Terminal Velocity']

Kathryn walked into Cargo bay two and stared at the girl leaning against the wall in a Borg alcove. *That's your daughter Kathryn.* She looked to the doctor, "How's she doing?"

"At the moment she's stable, but the prognosis isn't clear. Her human physiology has begun to reassert itself. Respiratory system, neurological functions, immune response; but those systems are swarming with Borg implants: There's a battle being waged inside her body, between the biological and the technological, and I'm not sure which is going to win."

Kathryn stared at the scarred woman and let the tears well in her eyes, "You know who this is don't you doctor?"

The doctor nodded, "I'm well aware of who this is Captain, and hopefully she'll pull through this, but I can only say I'll do my best."

Kathryn nodded, "Well, it's time we brought her up to date. Wake her."

Jennica stared at her, and Kathryn couldn't help looking into the eyes that were her own staring back at her and wondering what had brought her to this point. "Captain Janeway, What have you...The others, I can't hear the others. The voices are gone."

Kathryn looked at the frightened woman in front of her and knew that in the days, weeks and even months and years that proceeded that she would have a lot of healing to do. "We had to neutralise the neuro-transceiver in your upper spinal column. Your link to the collective has been severed."

"You will return this drone to the Borg: We need nothing from you. We are Borg. We are - ah!"

Kathryn felt her heart plummeting at the thought of the pain the girl - for all intents and purposes her biological daughter - was going through the pain of being turned into a human yet again.

Her humanity was re-asserting itself, she had to make the child understand: this was the way it had to be.

The doctor stared at Jennica, "This implant is being rejected by the tissue underneath. It's going to have to be removed. "

"You will suppress the human immune system! "

"I'm sorry, but the process has gone too far. We've got to get you to sickbay."

Jennica looked at the doctor and at Kathryn through eyes that were close to the Captain's but were different, filled with years of abuse and trauma before yelling, "No! We are Borg! We are Borg!"

[Ready Room – 3 hours later]

Kathryn stared up from reports that she was reading, and the many things that had to be fixed after the removal of the Borg 'modifications' to her ship. "Come in."

Chakotay walked up to his wife and looked at her overworked as she was struggling to get this 'Borg' re-integrated into her ship and her life. He carefully handed her a pad, "Ship's status report. We've got two teams on the hull, stripping off the Borg armour. They're working around the clock but it's still slow going."

Unsure of the real reason for Chakotay's joining her in the ready room she stared at him, *Keep it professional Kathryn.* "What about the warp drive?"

Chakotay looked tensely at his wife, "Torres is having problems cleaning out the plasma relays. It's disrupting the antimatter reaction. Until she's got it fixed we're stuck at impulse. She's requesting all personnel with a level three engineering rating or higher to lend a hand."

"Granted. Tactical update?"

"Long range sensors are picking up residual transwarp signatures, Borg vessels. They passed by probably three days ago."

"So we're not out of the woods yet."

"Having half our propulsion system overrun by Borg implants doesn't make repairs any easier."

"Jennica could help with that."

Chakotay shook his head, "You need to step outside yourself for a minute Kathryn; I know she's your daughter but she's also a Borg. And it might be true if she were willing, but she's not in the most co-operative mood."

"I have to reach her. I left her many years ago and I have years of catching up to do Chakotay. I have to help her."

Chakotay shook his head, "Kathryn, this crew needs you to deal with this as the Captain right now not as this woman's 'pseudo-mother'."

Kathryn glared at her husband, "I am her mother Chakotay: She is my child."

Chakotay was getting angry now, "So are those two babies in Sam's quarters that you have been ignoring due to your 'Captain's duties' and Jennica."

Kathryn let a tear slip down her cheek, "I'm sorry Chakotay, but so was the child I carried that I made the Doctor abort because of these duties, I've said it before and I'll say it again: the crew has to come first."

Chakotay looked shocked at the woman he loved, "I can't look at your right now, or deal with this."

He picked up and walked out of the ready room, and Kathryn was afraid that she had lost her husband and her family for the last time.

Kathryn pulled the picture of her holding Jennica for the first time out of her drawer. It was the only picture she had allowed anyone to take of the child as 'her baby' and it had been so long ago.

Her thoughts of days past and the fights with her inner demons were interrupted by the doctor's hail from sickbay. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

She wiped the tears from her eyes, and got her Captain's stance back in order, "What is it, Doctor?"

"Could you come down here, Captain. We're having some problems."

Kathryn had made her choice as Captain, as she always did; and she now realized why it was so important for Captains to keep their personal and professional lives separate. "I'll be right there."

[Sickbay – ten minutes later]

The doctor heard the doors opening and watched as his Captain walked into sickbay to see him standing over her daughter. "I'm afraid we have a decision to make. A difficult one. Her human immune system has reasserted itself with a vengeance. Body armour, Borg organelles, biosynthetic glands, they're all being rejected. Her life is in danger. I have little recourse but to remove the Borg technology."

Kathryn felt the tears springing to her eyes as she watched her first born covered in borg hardware. "This is no ordinary patient doctor, she is my child, and that gives me durable power: Proceed with the surgery."

The doctor looked at the hurt and fragile woman who was watching her life dissolve before her. "Aye, Captain."

The doctor watched the Captain walk out of sickbay and out of her daughter's life yet again.

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn walked into her quarters and saw her husband attempting to hush little baby Haley as she cried. She walked up to him and took the baby from his arms. Haley almost immediately quieted.

Chakotay stared at 'the Captain' and realized why he had fallen in love with her, but there was something that needed to be dealt with before they could go forward, "Was it a boy or a girl?"

Kathryn looked at her husband confused. "I really don't think that matters anymore Chakotay."

"It always mattered Kathryn."

"I don't want to talk about it Chakotay. I did what needed to be done for the crew and for you."

Chakotay looked at her incredulous, "For me? We were trying to get pregnant. You said one last try for a baby boy. The doctor said if we were going to have any more children it had to be soon, we were getting too old to be trying for children and your body was beginning 'the change'."

She stared at him, "I'm not even sure that was your baby Chakotay."

"What do you mean you weren't even sure it was my child?"

"I have to go back to the bridge Chakotay. I hope I'll see you later, and you'll forgive my indiscretions."

[Brige 0300 hours]

Kathryn had been sitting on the bridge for most of beta shift. She had relieved Kim of having to take the overnight.

She heard the doctor's voice across the comm. "Captain, can you please come to sickbay?"

"I'll be right there Doctor."

Kathryn turned to Lieutenant Ayala, "You have to bridge Lieutenant."

As she walked into to sickbay Kathryn saw that the former Borg drone was starting to look more human. Her skin was beginning to take on the human pigmentation and the doctor was speaking to her in low measured tones. "Your body was rejecting the Borg technology. You were dying. I'm sorry, but we had no choice. Those are dermoplastic grafts. They'll help the regeneration process."

Jennica just about spit at him: "Unacceptable. You should have let us die."

Kathryn made her presence known, "I couldn't do that. You're my daughter."

Jennica got a look of confusion on her face, and fell back to the programming of the collective. "This drone cannot survive outside the Collective."

"I beg to differ. Now that the Borg implants are being excised your human systems are free to thrive, and thriving they are. As a matter of fact, I –"

Kathryn glared at the doctor and walked over to sit by 'her daughter': the woman who had grown up without her and she wasn't even sure 'knew' who she was. "I want to help you but I need to understand what you're going through."

"Do not engage us in superficial attempts at sympathy."

"I know I've hurt you in the past Jennica, and it's obvious that you're in pain, that you're frightened, that you feel isolated, alone. But you have to let this go."

"You are an individual. You are small. You cannot understand what it is to be Borg."

Kathryn sighed, Jennica was not going to make this easy on her. "No, but I can imagine. You were part of a vast consciousness, billions of minds working together, a harmony of purpose and thought. No indecision, no doubts. The security and strength of a unified will. And you've lost that, but you've gained the parent you thought you had lost all those years ago."

[Engineering]

B'Elanna looked at the warp core and then down at her belly just starting to show the signs of a baby on the way.

Tom had been okay with it, much as Kathryn had said.

She turned to her engineering team, "Alright, I think I've got all the Borg garbage out of the plasma intake manifold. Let's try reinitialising the antimatter reaction."

Harry stared at the warp core as if willing it to work, "Matter antimatter reaction at twenty two Cochrane's and rising."

B'Elanna smiled as she watched the core begin to take life. Then it stopped, "Damn! What happened?"

"Intake manifolds eleven and thirteen are still blocked!"

B'Elanna sighed frustrated. "This is like pulling weeds. You think you've got them all out and then –"

"You have neglected to remove the autonomous regeneration sequencers."

Kathryn thought very carefully about how to introduce Jennica to her best friend, "Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim, you remember Seven of Nine."

"How could we forget?"

"We can't afford to delay repairs any longer so I've asked her to help us remove the Borg modifications. She only has a few hours before she returns to sickbay. I suggest you put her to good use."

Jennica stared at 'her mother' and turned to rely on the Borg programming that had build up her life for years. "Jefferies tube thirteen alpha section twelve. We fully recall the engineering specifications of your vessel."

Torres' hostility got the better of her and Janeway could just imagine what it would be like when she realized who this person truly was. "Good. Can you also recall the way it looked before you turned it into a Borg circus?"

"Yes."

"Well, now that the pleasantries are over, why don't you get to work. I want updates every hour."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn knowing she'd lost, "Yes, Captain."

[Engineering - three hours later]

B'Elanna looked at the Borg Drone that Kathryn had taken a liking to. Why she wasn't sure but she knew she'd hear about it soon enough. "What about these linkages. Every time I pull one out another one comes back in its place."

Seven looked smugly at Torres, "Autonomous regeneration sequencers. They function to counteract resistance."

Kim stared at the woman and all he could think was that under that Borg armour there had to be an amazing woman. "Amazing. How did you come up with the pattern duplication design?"

"We came up with nothing. The Borg assimilated this technology in Galactic Cluster three from species two five nine."

Torres scoffee, "I'm not interested in a history lesson. How do we disable it?"

Seven turned to B'Elanna and looked down at her, "You must disconnect each sequencer conduit at the insertion juncture."

B'Elanna decided she was the chief engineer after all, time to pull her weight. "Why don't you two work on the Jefferies tube. Start with the plasma relays."

In the Jeffries tube Harry and their new crewmember were working intently on fixing the plasma relasy when she beckoned him over, "Ensign Kim. Your assistance."

[Bridge]

Tom spun around from the helm staring at his Captain in confusion, "Captain, somebody's trying to access the subspace transmitter."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open, she thought maybe she could trust Jennica but it seemed that the Borg mentality was too deeply engrained. Torres came over the com system, "Captain, I don't know how, but she's erected some kind of forcefield around the door. We can't break through it."

Chakotay had finally joined her on the bridge an hour ago and was staring at the sensor readings, "She's bypassed our security protocols."

Kathryn felt her world dissolve, "Disable the transmitter."

Chakotay turned to her, "It's too late."

Maybe Jennica had spent too many years as a Borg to ever become fully human again and maybe she would never get her child back.

[An hour later – Corridor]

Janeway walked the corridors, Tuvok in tow. There had been an explosion in the Jeffries tube ending Kathryn's worry about Jennica contacting the Borg. Chakotay had been sure to tell her though that a partial signal had gotten through, and he wasn't sure if the Borg were going to be able to trace it back to them and rescue their precious Borg Drone and her past. She needed to make good by the child she had given up all those years ago, and who she had forced by proxy to live a lifetime of hate and torture.

She looked at Tuvok, "I can tell by the expression on your face that you've got some bad news."

Tuvok calmly answered, "I have no expression on my face. However, you are correct. The news on two separate fronts is not good. I checked the subspace bandwidths. At least a partial signal was transmitted from Voyager."

"Enough for a Borg ship to track?"

"Possibly." Tuvok responded and just reiterated what Chakotay had told her earlier. "I believe there is also cause for concern regarding Kes."

"Explain." Kathryn looked at Tuvok asking for an answer.

"Internal sensor logs show that she destabilised the Jefferies tube at the molecular level. The effect weakened the infrastructure throughout the deck. If she wishes to develop her abilities further I am not certain it would be safe, for Kes or Voyager."

"I've got an Ocampan who wants to be something more and a Borg who's afraid of becoming something less. Here's to Vulcan stability." She raised her hand in a stop motion, "Wait for me."

[Brig]

Jennica stared at her mother, "So this is human freedom."

Kathryn stared at her daughter, the woman who she didn't know, and who she was not sure she would ever know. "I've decided to keep you in the brig until I'm certain you won't try to harm us again. If necessary the Doctor can treat you here. I honestly believed you were going to help us. I wanted to believe Jennica; I wanted to believe that all those years you were away from me had not changed you or scarred you so much." She paused lifting up her hand to brush the scarred cheek of the woman she would have to learn to call 'Seven', "But apparently I was mistaken." Kathryn let a tear slide down her face at all the years she had missed and all the milestones the woman had skipped.

"You were not deceived, Captain Janeway. It was my intention to help you."

Kathryn pulled her hand away from the woman-child's face and stared at her wondering, "What happened?"

"There was a chance to contact the Collective. I took advantage of it. Your attempt to assimilate this drone will fail. You can alter our physiology but cannot change our nature. We will betray you. We are Borg."

Kathryn sighed; this was not going to be easy. She looked at the woman who's facial features had begun to look more and more like Kathryn herself looking in the mirror. "I've met Borg who were freed from the collective. It wasn't easy for them to accept their individuality, but in time they did. You're no different.

"If it does happen, we will become fully human?"

Kathryn knew there was no way she could make that promise to Jennica, but she hoped that that would happen and she would finally gain her eldest daughter back. "Yes, I hope so."

"We will be autonomous, independent."

"That's what individuality is all about."

Kathryn's heart broke as she listened to the next words out of her daughter's mouth. "If at that time we choose to return to the Collective, will you permit it?"

She shook her head trying to make the Borg understand that life could be so much more, so much better. "I don't think you'll want to do that."

Jennica glared at her mother through unseeing eyes filled with fear and loathing, "You would deny us the choice as you deny us now. You have imprisoned us in the name of humanity yet you will not grant us your most cherished human right: To choose our own fate. You are hypocritical, manipulative. We do not want to be what you are! Return us to the Collective!"

"You lost the capacity to make a rational choice the moment you were assimilated. They took that from you".

"Then you are no different than the Borg. You gave us up as a child and now you want to atone for mistakes made in your youth. If you hadn't made those mistakes, our 'father' would never have tried to make me into a clone of him and the Borg would never have assimilated us."

Kathryn felt deep regret at the decisions she had made as a child herself and at the youthful indiscretion that she had fallen for and the fate that had been bestowed upon both herself and her daughter.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and left the Brig.

[Bridge]

Kathryn walked onto the bridge after fixing her makeup and forcing herself to look as normal as possible. She looked to Chakotay and motioned for him to follow her.

"Tuvok we'll be in my ready room, you have the bridge." Tuvok nodded and off they went to take care of their new passenger and all the baggage that she carried.

[Ready Room]

Chakotay followed Kathryn into the ready room as Kathryn spun on him. "Chakotay I just visited Jennica, or Seven as she likes to be called now."

Chakotay nodded, "And?"

Kathryn broke down and fell to her knees as he husband watched her let her pain fall out through broken tears. "And how could I have let this happen to anyone let alone my own daughter?"

Chakotay bent down to take her into his arms. "It was a decision you made in your youth; one that had to be made and one that was. What happened after she left your care was not your fault; and what you have to do right now is take care of our family."

Kathryn looked up at her husband, "She's part of our family Chakotay."

He shook his head, "Our family is me, you, Taya and Haley. She's a grown woman Kathryn: She can take care of herself."

Kathryn stood up and faced the viewport, "I let her go years ago; maybe this is a second chance."

Chakotay followed her and spun her around to face him, "Kathryn, you can't blame yourself for everyone and everything. Maybe some 'lost sheep' aren't meant to be saved."

Kathryn was livid, "Get out Chakotay, that's not fair. She's my daughter!"

He stared at her, "And so are Haley and Taya, and I'm your husband."

"And my first officer: You're dismissed commander."

Chakotay turned and left the ready room feeling he'd lost yet another piece of his life and marriage.

Kathryn sat behind her desk and stared at the readings that were being taken on the bridge. There was something going on. She tapped her combadge, "Harry what's going on out there?"

He answered her, "I'm picking up some strange energy readings from deck two, the mess hall."

She shook her head, "Bridge to Neelix. What's going on down there? Neelix, report."

Harry interrupted her questioning, "The bulkhead in that section is coming apart."

Chakotay stared at Tuvok and at his nod he hit his combadge, "Chakotay to Janeway; please report to the bridge."

Kathryn got up an acknowledged his request as she was leaving her ready room. Upon entering the bridge she heard Chakotay's command, "Increase the structural integrity field to deck two."

She turned to her security officer, "Tuvok."

[Sickbay - Doctor's office]

Kathryn walked into the sickbay Chakotay refusing to tag along, stating nothing more than the bridge needed him.

She turned to the doctor, as he went on about Kes' scans. "I've run every conceivable neural analysis. Everything short of dissecting the brain itself. Her telesynaptic activity is increasing but I don't know why, or how to stop it. Have the ship's internal sensors revealed anything?"

Tuvok piped in, "For seventeen point four seconds Kes's body went into a state of cellular flux. She began to destabilise at the subatomic level."

Janeway turned to Tuvok, "Tuvok, enhance the structural integrity fields throughout the ship. If she has another incident I'd like to avoid a hull breach. Doctor, maybe it's time we broaden our horizons. This appears to have gone beyond medical science. We're into particle physics now."

The doctor stared at Kathryn, "I'll try looking through the quantum substructure database. Maybe it'll give me some inspiration."

"Keep me informed."

Kathryn heard a hail from the brig, "Ensign Ayala to the bridge."

"Go ahead, Ensign."

"You'd better come down to the brig, ma'am."

[Brig]

Kathryn walked into the brig and saw her daughter fighting against the threat of humanity and loneliness.

"One. My designation is Seven of Nine, but the others are gone. Designations are no longer relevant. I am - one." Jennica's hand reached up to touch her head as if in pain.

"Yes, you are; but you're also my daughter, and the role of any mother is to take care of and help her children."

"But I cannot function this way. Alone."

"You're not alone. I'm willing to help you."

"If that's true, you won't do this to me. Take me back to my own kind."

Kathryn stared at the woman she would learn to call 'Seven' and took her hands in hers as she sat down on the bench on the edge of the brig cell. "You are with your own kind. Humans." She paused, "And you've found your family. Your father is aboard too."

"Daddy is here too?"

Kathryn saw the innocent child peaking through the machinery of a Borg Drone trying to regain her humanity, and her childhood. "I'm coming in."

"Irrelevant! Take me back to the Borg."

"I can't do that."

Kathryn pulled a picture out from behind her back. She showed her a picture of a small red-headed child. "Do you remember her? Her name is Jennica Paris, and we'd like to get to know her again."

"So quiet: One voice."

"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices. Your mind is independent now, with its own unique identity."

"You are forcing that identity upon me. You're trying to re-create a child that you never had, that identity is not mine."

"Oh yes it is. I'm just giving you back what was stolen from you."

"I don't want that life. I don't want to be your daughter, I need to go back to the Borg."

"That person is who you are: Don't resist it."

Captain's log, supplemental. Warp drive is still offline and we don't know whether the Borg have detected us. Kes's psychokinetic abilities continue to damage the ship's structural integrity, and as a result our defences have been compromised.

[Janeway Quarters]

Kathryn stared at baby Haley as she slept in her crib. She stared at Taya and realized all the innocence she had missed out on with Jennica.

Haley began to fuss and Kathryn picked up her newest baby girl. "Haley, I'm sorry I haven't been here for you: I've been trying to deal with ship's business and with your step-sister"

Kathryn felt that talking to the child who did not understand was like trying to rid of mind of the demons she had carried all these years.

"I love both you and your sisters, and you have to know that no matter what I won't let anything ever happen to you."

Kathryn got a hail from sickbay where Tuvok was trying to settle Kes and realized that there was no stopping whatever transformation was happening. She stared at her husband who had fallen asleep on the couch of their quarters. "Janeway to Wildman, can you bring Naomi down here and watch the girls for a couple of hours?"

Wildman's sleepy voice answered and Kathryn knew the children would be safe under the care of Samantha. "Yes ma'am."

She shook her husband and woke him. "Sam is coming down here to watch the girls, we have to go to the bridge and take care of the Kes situation."

Chakotay nodded as he was getting his uniform back on. Once he was dressed he followed his wife out of their quarters.

As she was walking towards the sickbay she looked at her husband, "You take the bridge duty and I'll go tend to Kes."

Chakotay nodded and knew once again that the ship would always come first. It saddened him but at the same time he knew that that was part of the woman he had fallen in love with.

He walked towards the turbolift and stared at his love's receding form as she slapped her combadge. "Janeway to bridge."

[Bridge]

Tom answered, "Paris here."

When Chakotay gets to the bridge, ask him to prepare a shuttle for launch and have Tuvok meet me on deck six."

Paris' quizzical voice answered, "Captain?"

"Kes is leaving us."

Kathryn began pulling Kes towards the shuttle bay: She was pulling her ship apart. Tuvok had paused it for a moment, but it was only a matter of time.

[Bridge]

Kim looked to Chakotay for inspiration and assurance, "Hull breach on decks three, four and five."

Chakotay took control and ordered: "Emergency containment fields."

Chakotay heard Kathryn's voice over the comm. line, "Janeway to the bridge. Kes is aboard the shuttle: Initiate launch sequence."

"Acknowledged."

Tom turned to the woman who had begun and continued to save his life, "Shuttle distance, one hundred thousand kilometres. Speed, one quarter impulse."

Kathryn looked at Tom and then moved her gaze to Chakotay, "Can you hail her?"

Kim piped up from behind, "I've been trying."

Kes' melodic voice encompassed the bridge, "It's happening: It's happening to me."

Harry sounded panicked, "Her atomic structure is completely destabilising."

They all heard Kes' voice over the comm. line, "My gift to you."

[Engineering]

B'Elanna looked at her sensor readings, and at the warp core. "Torres to bridge. The warp core just came online. Matter antimatter reaction at one hundred and two percent. A hundred and ten percent. A hundred and twenty!"

[Bridge]

On the bridge Tom stared confused at his sensor readings, "This can't be right. Our speed is - it's impossible!"

Harry's scared voice entered the conversation. "We're coming apart!"

The command team stared at each other. Chakotay whispered in Kathryn's ear, "If I never get to say this again...I love you and I forgive you for whatever you've done in the past."

Kathryn grabbed Chakotay's hand and held it to her chest, "My heart has always belonged to you, no matter what my faults are."

Paris interrupted the moment, "We've just dropped out of whatever it was we were in."

Chakotay pulled his eyes away from his wife's baby blues, "Systems coming back online."

"On screen. Where are we?"

Paris answered, "Nine point five thousand light years from where we just were."

Kathryn smiled, "She's thrown us ten years closer to home."

[Cargo Bay two]

Kathryn walked slowly into the darkened Cargo Bay. The EMH approached her and brought her over to where Jennica stood. "I've extracted eighty two percent of the Borg hardware. The remaining bio-implants are stable and better than anything I could synthesise on such short notice: You have your daughter back Captain."

Jennica turned and looked at her mother and the doctor, "It is acceptable."

The EMH stared at the woman, long red hair flowing much like the Captain's had years ago and the black biosuit that he had been forced to fashion for her, clinging to her body. "Fashion, of course, is hardly my forte. Nevertheless I've managed to balance functionality and aesthetics in a pleasing enough manner. I also took the liberty of stimulating your hair follicles. A vicarious experience for me, as you might imagine."

Kathryn stared at her daughter: finally come home. "You'll have to spend a few hours each day regenerating in a Borg alcove until your human metabolism can function on its own. We'll leave one operational."

Jennica tilted her head, "I understand mom."

Kathryn felt tears brimming her eyes as she felt the love flow from her body for the child she had abandoned and the second chance she was getting. "Let's see how things go over the next few weeks. Hopefully soon you'll get to meet your step sisters."

Jennica nodded and walked into the alcove, "I'd like that. Thank you."

[Four weeks later]

Everything was a mess.

Kathryn had turned everything into a mess. Her life was a mess, her command was a mess; Her marriage was a mess, Jennica was a mess.

Jennica wanted nothing to do with her, and Tom had discovered things that should have been left buried.

Kathryn stared around the lonely quarters that had once been the first officer's quarters: Chakotay's quarters. She knew she had every right as Captain of the ship to tell him to get out but she couldn't.

Those quarters were where her family lived, Haley...Taya...Chakotay: she let a tear fall down her face.

She sighed, she'd just come out of the shower and she looked at the long auburn strands that Chakotay loved so much and which Jennica had inherited. There was no question that this was her daughter.

B'Elanna had just about blown a gasket when she had discovered who the Borg Drone was, and in all honesty...she totally understood what she was going through.

That girl, that former drone was putting a wedge in so many relationships on the ship.

She remembered the day that Tom had entered her ready room livid:

"What the hell were you thinking?"

She stared at him, "I beg your pardon Lieutenant what are you talking about?"

"My son."

Kathryn looked down at her hands, "I could never have had that baby Tom: It would have ruined everything. You have a life and I have a life that do not include each other and you know it.

"It included me once Kathryn, we had a baby."

Kathryn glared at him, "Yes and we both decided we couldn't keep that one either."

He shook his head, "No you decided; both times you decided. You've been ruling my life for longer than I care to admit Kathryn. When Chakotay and B'Elanna find out about this..."

"You can't tell them."

He looked at her with pity, "That's where you're wrong: I have to."

She stared at him, "You can't."

"Was that an order?"

"Yes."

"Well that's one order I can't follow ma'am." He walked out of the ready room and that was the moment that Kathryn knew that her world was beginning to fall apart.

Kathryn put her hair up and fixed her makeup wiping away any remnants of the tears that had occupied her face minutes earlier and went to the bridge.

No matter what; this was where she belonged.

She entered the bridge and looked to Chakotay, "You have the bridge Commander, I'll be in my ready room."

Chakotay nodded and she walked into her safe haven without another word.

She stared at the image of the child she had been carrying but whose life she had ended before it had begun.

She remembered the day it had come up with Chakotay:

They had been lying in bed. The lovemaking of the day had been beautiful and it would be the last for a long time she suspected.

"Chakotay, I know that Tom spoke to you about the baby."

Chakotay looked down at his wife and saw the same beautiful woman he had grown to love all those years ago. He nodded.

"It was a mistake, I don't love Tom."

"But you did it none-the-less. We were trying to have a child and you cheated and went with him anyway. What were you thinking?!"

Kathryn stared at him, "I don't know, it was just a moment of weakness on both of our parts I suppose."

"Well I hope it was worth it Kathryn. I'm leaving and I'm taking the girls with me. I just wanted to make sure one last time you remember what we had."

Kathryn's jaw dropped open and she realized she had lost. All over a moment of weakness and stupidity. "Chakotay, you can't –"

"Oh yes I can Kathryn, this is the last time."

He walked out of their quarters for the last time. Kathryn sat up and put on her uniform, she had to go back to the bridge it was the one place that she still felt at home.

She walked to her ready room and reassigned Chakotay`s old quarters to her. She didn`t want to uproot the children, and the `Captain`s Quarters' were larger.

She sighed and went back to her quarters to get what she needed when the computer told her they were empty.

Kathryn tapped her combadge. "Janeway to 'Seven'." She still wasn't comfortable with calling Jennica by the moniker but the child wouldn't respond to her given name. "Seven here."

"Can you please report to the ready room?"

"Aye, Captain."

Her 'daughter' rang for entrance. Kathryn responded, "Come."

She looked at the woman who entered, her once red-brown locks were now platinum blonde. "Jennica, what did you do?"

"My name is Seven, or Seven of Nine if you prefer."

"Why did you change your hair colour?"

Seven glared at her, "I want to be nothing like you and that includes my hair colour."

Kathryn was unsure what to say. "Okay." She paused her jaw dropping, "but I didn't call you here to talk about your looks. You told me you wouldn't make any more attempts to contact the Borg. I want to believe that is true."

"I assure you it is; as much as I say I don't want to be like you, being a Borg is even less appealing."

Kathryn sighed and stared at the former drone, "I've decided not to post a security detail while you're in Engineering, but you have to realise there are rules. You'll be expected to follow our protocols. You'll report directly to Lieutenant Torres and obey any order she gives you."

"I understand."

"I need you to go down to engineering and work with Lieutenant Torres. You told me before that you thought it might be possible to modify Voyager's engines to create a transwarp bubble, I need you to go and see if that is possible."

Seven glared at her mother, "Yes Captain."

[Engineering]

Seven walked into engineering and stared at Lieutenant Torres. "The Captain ordered me to come and help you out trying to make a transwarp bubble."

B'Elanna sighed, "I guess you're part of my engineering staff then for the moment."

Seven looked quizzically at the half-klingon, "For the moment?"

"Listen, I didn't want you here to begin with, but I'll deal with you now because the Captain said I had to."

She turned to Vorik, effectively breaking off the conversation with Seven. "How are those thorium isotopes coming, Vorik?"

"I'll admit I'm having trouble controlling the neutron absorption."

B'Elanna sighed thinking that she was going to do this without the bastard child of her husband if it killed her. "Try increasing the temperature of the plasma. Get the thorium to the Captain as soon as it's ready."

"Of course."

Seven decided to get in the middle of it anyway and Torres had no choice but to listen, "I've set the parameters for the tachyon bursts we'll need, to create a transwarp conduit. It will be several hours before the main deflector can be modified. I think it would be best if I waited in my alcove."

B'Elanna stared at Seven and cast her off back to the isolation of Cargo Bay Two. "I think you're right."

Kathryn stared around the bridge. The 'Caatati' representative had just left, Chakotay was around but ignoring her.

Kathryn shook her head, there was going to be no fixing the trouble that they'd made. She hardly got to see her children, she never saw her husband beyond bridge duty...and these Caatati were driving her nuts. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin.

They wanted more, they wanted everything.

Like her family she couldn't give it to them.

She couldn't give them everything either.

[Briefing Room]

Kathryn walked into the ready room Tuvok and Chakotay in tow. Behind them was Rahmin a Caatati representative.

They begged and pleaded for supplies and finally, Kathryn agreed to give them some supplies. Her sense of moral duty forced it.

Kathryn turned to Neelix, "Neelix, how much food can we spare?"

"We could provide each ship with several hundred kilograms."

She sighed and knew that she was going to give them the supplies and help no matter what. "Do it, and check with the Doctor to see if he can spare any medical supplies."

"Thank you. May the gods smile on you and your crew."

The Caatati walked out of the briefing room and Kathryn went out. Chakotay had been quiet the whole time, not saying a word to Kathryn or anyone else.

She turned around and stared at Chakotay. "Commander, my ready room."

Chakotay huffed and followed her into the ready room.

When Kathryn got there and the door closed she spun on him and angrily stated, "What the hell is your problem?"

Chakotay stared at her, "You're asking me what the hell my problem is? You're the one who slept around, got knocked up and aborted the baby: without telling me any of it might I add."

Kathryn glared at him, "I had every right. It was my body and that was my baby."

"Like Taya and Haley?"

Kathryn shook her head, "How dare you?"

Chakotay sighed, "How dare I what? You're my wife and those are my children."

Kathryn had tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure what the hell was wrong with her: her emotions were all over the place. "And I let you have them. There is no room in a Captain's life for such frivolous things as 'children' and a 'husband'."

Chakotay just stared at her, "What happened to you Kathryn? You had given in to that life, and now you're backing away."

"Jennica made me realize that I can't do it." Her voice got quieter and Chakotay stared at her glazed over eyes. She looked like hell.

And then she fainted.

[Bridge]

Tuvok escorted the Caatati minister out of the briefing room and the alien saw Seven speaking with Tom.

"I've never navigated a transwarp conduit. Any problems I should be aware of?"

Jennica turned to her father, "You have no idea what you are doing. If we attempt to enter one I'll have to take helm control."

Tom refused to let his daughter take his spot at the helm, "I am a quick study."

Rahmin, stared at Seven in loathing and discust, "What species is that?"

"She is a human who lived as a Borg."

"Borg! Where's my wife? Where are my children? What did you do with them after you took them? What did you do with my family?" Tom watched the man get hysterical.

"Mister Paris, please proceed." Tuvok attempted to keep everything kosher.

"I lost everything. My family, my home."

Tom looked at his daughter, feeling sorrow and pity. "Sorry about that."

Jennica looked at her father, "There is nothing to be sorry for, I know that many do not hold the Borg in high regard, and many on the crew feel that way too."

"Yeah, but I never meant for you to be –"

Tom heard the comm. line open and Chakotay's voice come across the communiqué. "Paris, report to the ready room immediately: medical emergency."

Tom took off for the ready room the minute that someone replaced him at the helm. He picked up the medical case from behind his chair and briskly walked to the ready room.

[Ready Room]

Tom walked in and saw Kathryn slumped on the floor. "What happened?"

Chakotay looked at Tom angrily, "I don't know probably the normal. No sleep, not enough food and too much coffee. You take care of her, I have to watch the bridge."

Tom walked around and stared at his Captain's still form. He took out the tricorder and began to scan her.

He was more than aware of the fact that the command team had not been getting along and Kathryn had all but moved out of the 'Captain's quarters'.

He felt for her, and he loved her as Jennica's mother, but she was not his.

She would never be.

And for that he was grateful because he had found B'Elanna. He stared at the readings. *Oh boy.*

She was pregnant again, and this time it was Chakotay's.

And she was no longer living with her husband or her other children. He sighed and got a hypospray out of the medkit. He placed it on her neck and she slowly came out of her dazed stupor. "Chakotay?"

He smiled, "No, just me. The Big Indian had to take care of your bridge."

She shook her head not remembering all of what had happened. "What happened?"

"You fainted."

She sighed, "Okay now here comes the bad news. Why?"

Tom drew in a deep breath, "I think you should go and visit the doctor."

Kathryn looked at him puzzled, "Can't you just tell me?"

He sighed, "I think you should go visit the doctor Kat."

Kathryn was frustrated, "Oh come on Tom, since when has talking to me made you squeamish?"

He shook his head, "Go talk to the doctor."

Then he walked out of the ready room.

Kathryn sat down on the couch to her ready room. *What the hell was that?* She was tempted to go and get the tricorder that was sitting just behind her ready room couch, but squelched that urge.

She raised her hand to her communicator. "Janeway to sickbay. Tom said I should come visit you, is there anyone else in sickbay at the moment?"

"No Captain, sickbay is empty."

"Very well I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Yes Captain."

Kathryn paused as she walked up to the door she stared at it and knew what she had to do. She walked out of the ready room and walked up to Chakotay. "I need to go to sickbay, I'll be back later."

Chakotay nodded and watched her leave the bridge; what was going on he didn't know, and at this point he wasn't sure he cared.

He had tried over and over again to make her see that she couldn't put her present life on hold for a future that may never come.

But he feared he'd lost.

END 10. Flaws and Demons

TBC in 11. Redemption


	11. Chapter 11

Life Circles

11\. Redemption

J/C, P/T

Rated MA

May 2009

By: AW

Summary: Directly after 'Flaws and Demons', the end of the 'Life Circles' Saga, until the continuation that will happen in 'Jennica's Story'.

Length: 8,918 words

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON'T OWN THEM

[Directly after 'Flaws and Demons']

Kathryn stood in the turbolift, unsure of why she was even going to sickbay. She had fainted, yes: but she was sure that was just because she hadn't eaten enough, or for that matter slept enough in the past two days. And so much coffee...

She drew in a deep breath, "Computer halt turbolift." She stared at the wall. When was the last time she had seen her children? She had been completely separate from Chakotay for 6 weeks now, and the last time she had seen him: the sex had been great.

She shook her head, Tom had insisted that she go to sickbay, why? He could have told her in the ready room what was wrong but he had chosen not to.

It had to be serious.

She sighed, "Computer resume lift."

[Paris Quarters]

B'Elanna had finished her shift and had gone right to her quarters. She was sure that by this point in the pregnancy morning sickness would be gone, but she was still sick every night.

She ran to the bathroom and waited. Tom would be home soon. She knew that once the baby was born they would have to try and work opposite shifts so that someone would always be home with the kids. Miral had – for the most part – been raised by other members of the crew.

She was three now and B'Elanna felt as if she had missed so many developmental steps in her life.

This one she would not.

She had yet to tell Tom of her plan to try and stay home with the baby and she was sure that the Captain would not be too happy when she told her she would have to do without her chief engineer for six weeks, but at this point she didn't care.

Kathryn had put a wrench in hers and Tom's love life by bringing Jennica into the fold of the Voyager crew, and then there was the abortion that had been Tom's baby. They had spoken and made peace with his little indiscretion, but she wasn't sure after that if she would ever truly trust him again.

[Outside sickbay]

Kathryn drew in a deep breath and stared at the doors. The doctor - when she had spoken with him - had not seemed overly surprised to hear that Tom had ordered the Captain to sickbay. He had seen her on the bridge last week when she had ordered Vorik with him to the hologram's freighter.

After seeing what Dejaren had done to Ensign Vorik's heart, constricting it in his chest he had been glad that the Captain had agreed not to send the very pregnant half Klingon on the mission.

The doctor heard the doors to sickbay open and a very pale Kathryn Janeway walked in. "Ah, Captain. I see you're listening to what Mr. Paris suggested."

She sighed, "Only because he wouldn't tell me what the hell was wrong with me." She paused, "I've never fainted, well unless you count the time I was pregnant with –" She stopped in her tracks and calculated how long it had been since she'd had a period. "Oh, god."

The doctor walked up to the Captain. "If I remember correctly, you and the Commander were trying to get pregnant weren't you?"

Kathryn nodded numbly, "Yes, but we haven't been living together for about six weeks now, and –"

The doctor took out a tricorder, "Yes, that's about right. Congratulations, you're six weeks pregnant with your third child."

[Bridge]

Tom turned around to look at Chakotay. He couldn't tell Chakotay but he hoped that Chakotay would figure it out on his own, or maybe that Kathryn would finally get up the nerve to tell him herself.

Chakotay looked oddly at Tom, "Is there a problem Lieutenant?"

Tom nodded, "No Sir." He turned around and focused his attention to the helm.

[Paris Quarters – 3 hours later]

B'Elanna was just waiting for Tom to get home. Finally the doors opened and in walked her husband. She went up to him and gave him a big hug. "Hello handsome."

Tom smiled, "Nice to see you too honey."

His hands reached down to touch the bump that was their second child. "He's really active today."

"You mean 'she'."

"You know we could just ask the doctor you know."

She grinned, "I like to be surprised."

He smiled as his lips approached hers. "Let me show you how to really surprise you..."

She felt his hands wander up to her sensitized breasts and she moaned at the pleasure he was eliciting.

"I love you Tom." She grinned as his other hand wandered down to her bundle of nerves. Her breathing grew faster and began becoming laboured as she felt herself approaching orgasm.

He loved the way she sounded when she was reaching orgasm. Slowly he brought his hard member towards her opening and as he felt her reaching the height of the orgasm, he plunged into her creating a feeling that both were getting accustomed to as the child rolled against her cervix forcing an orgasm that she loved feeling.

He watched her almost passing out at the sensations she was feeling.

Tom looked at B'Elanna, the glow of sexual sensations laying on them. "Is Miral asleep?"

"Yeah, she passed out about 20 minutes before you got home."

He nodded, "Then I guess we have a couple of hours to sleep."

B'Elanna agreed and the two of them fell into a deep and sated sleep.

[Sickbay]

Kathryn drew in a deep breath and stared at the doctor, "You can't tell the Commander. I'll tell him in my own time."

The doctor stared at her. "He has to know."

"Oh like he had to know that the last child I carried wasn't his? Like he had to know about Jennica? Those words, 'he has to know' have single-handedly managed to ruin my life, keep my children from me, and end my marriage."

The doctor sighed and let his head fall, a very human reaction for a hologram. "Alright, I won't inform him of your condition, but you should tell him yourself: and I'll tell Mr. Paris to keep the news to himself."

The Captain nodded her ascent and wondered, "How often will I faint?"

The doctor scoffed. "Well that depends if you follow my instructions and don't stay up until all hours of the night, drink too much coffee and refuse to eat meals."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Fine, but you can't tell him."

"I must point out Captain, that this isn't something that you can keep a secret forever. In another two months, the condition is going to start to speak for itself."

"I understand that doctor, but for now I need you to keep this to yourself."

The doctor nodded and watched as the Captain walked out of sickbay, hopefully to get herself some sleep that she knew she sorely needed.

[Bridge – 4 hours later]

The Captain had not made a re-appearance on the bridge and Chakotay wondered what was wrong? Then he realized that as callous as he tried to be towards that woman, he had realized from the moment that he had met her that this is who she was.

He still loved her, and he knew it. She had given him two children, she had married him and despite everything she had made concessions to give him as much of what he needed as she could within the confines of their command relationship.

He sighed, and went to Haley's room as she started to fuss. He picked her up and grabbed a bottle to feed the tiny child. Kathryn was missing out on so much, but it was her that had made that decision.

He ran his hand over the fine auburn down that would no doubt be much like Kathryn's silky mane when she got older. "We both love you no matter what happens Haley."

The child opened her eyes, and he saw the big blue eyes staring back at him and felt as if he was looking into his wife's blue orbs, and felt his life crumbling. "I didn't want to be a single father, but I fear that I've pushed your mother one too many times."

[Same time – Chakotay's previous quarters]

Kathryn had finally fallen into a sated sleep and looked around at the many articles that were still there that represented Chakotay in all that he was.

She placed a hand on her belly and realized that she should have realized this before now, but the past month had been nothing but her spinning her wheels trying to keep the command relationship from falling apart.

She felt the tears falling down her cheek and picked up a picture of Haley and Taya, sitting together after Haley first began to smile. She sighed and put the picture face down on the end table.

She walked up to the replicator, "Coffee black."

She knew she had to cut down on the caffeine intake if she was going to bring this child into the world safely, but at the same time at the moment she needed the jolt.

She finished her coffee and made her way back to the bedroom. She lay down and rubbed her hand up and down her belly trying desperately to feel the proof that there was a baby in there, but she wasn't showing yet and probably not for another couple of months.

She knew there was a baby in there anyway, and she couldn't wait to begin to feel the signs, aside from the fainting and morning sickness that she knew was to come, that she could do without.

She remembered:

"Kathryn stop being so vain our daughter is anxious to be noticed."

Kathryn harrumphed and lay against the couch in their quarters, "And what makes you so sure that this one is another little girl?"

"Because that's what I want."

She rolled her eyes, "What if I want a boy?"

He laughed, "Then I guess we're going to have to do this again and again until we succeed."

She'd given her patented crooked half smile and they'd spent the evening making love under the moonlight of Lake George on the holodeck. Tom and B'Elanna had been more than happy to watch their goddaughter for the night and little Miral would have someone to play with in the morning.

Six months later baby Haley had been born to them and Chakotay had proven once again that he was right when it came to their family.

Kathryn closed her eyes and tried to let sleep envelop her.

[0300 Hours Paris Quarters]

Tom was awakened by the sound of the door chiming. He looked to his left and saw that his wife was still sleeping soundly beside him. He saw B'Elanna begin to stir and got up to quickly answer the door before it woke his sleeping beauty.

The doors opened and he saw the last person he expected to standing before him.

[0600 hours – 3 weeks later]

Morning came way too quickly for Kathryn, as she'd spent half the night emptying the contents of her stomach. *She hated this part of the pregnancy*.

Kathryn moved her hair from her face and looked at the pale gaunt woman in front of the mirror.

She got up from her kneeling position in front of the toilet and ran her hand over her once flat abdomen feeling the first signs of a baby on the way.

She sighed as she felt the swell of her stomach beginning and she wondered how long it would be until Chakotay figured out that he'd hit his mark on that night two months ago. She let a tear fall for the baby that might never know the true beauty of the man that was his or her father.

She sighed and put on her tank top noticing that it was getting a little tight, but nothing that someone that didn't see her, the majority of the time would notice. She put the thick fabric of her jacket over top of the underlying layers and made her way to the bridge coffee in hand.

No one would notice yet and for that she was grateful.

[Paris Quarters – same time]

B'Elanna had finally gotten over the morning sickness at six and a half months pregnant she was really getting large with child, and her sexual appetite was insatiable. *Good thing Tom could deliver.* She thought then smiled at herself and thought about last night.

The previous night they had had the most sensual love-making she ever remembered. He had worshipped her body in ways that only he as her husband and love of her life could.

There was no vicious sex as there had been previously in their relationship, this night was all about her and him worshipping the vessel that carried their son.

She loved him so much. He woke up and walked up to B'Elanna his hand wrapping around the baby hump.

"Good morning."

She turned around and enveloped his lips with hers.

"I love you too and so does our son."

He smiled and kissed her again, showing her the love that he carried for her and their children.

[2 weeks later – Janeway Quarters]

"Where's mommy?"

Chakotay stared at Taya, "Hopefully she'll come home soon honey." He watched his daughter eating her pancakes. Haley was making a mess with her breakfast and he watched wishing Kathryn was here to see his little angels growing up.

Twenty minutes later he brought the girls to Celes' quarters and went to the bridge. He saw Kathryn already on the bridge and she looked as if she hadn't slept properly in weeks.

Tom shook his head, knowing exactly what she was going through on her own and wishing there was some way he could help her and make her see.

About a month ago, Jennica had visited him and scared him with the details of her assimilation, and he prayed that this would not haunt his first born for the rest of her life.

"Hi Lieutenant, can we talk?" He looked back to where B'Elanna lay sleeping and left her a note saying that Harry really needed to talk to him about something.

"What is it you need to talk to me about?"

She shook her head, "I've been having these real traumatizing nightmares about a bird."

Tom shook his head in confusion, "A bird?"

"Yes, sir. I wrote them all down in my logs and I wish for yourself and the Captain to look at them if you could and possibly make sense of these dreams. They are troubling me."

Tom took the padd from her hand and tried to think of who he could bother that might be able to make more sense of the 'Borg Language' than he himself.

His first instinct was to go to his wife, and then he thought of Harry. That little green ensign who's mind worked like a calculator much like the Borg Language.

"I'm going to run this by Ensign Kim and see what his thoughts are Seven, and then I'll get back to you."

'Jennica' nodded and left the mess hall where they had ended up with Tom and a mug of coffee and Seven and 'nutritional supplement four beta. Tom shook his head and took the padds back to his quarters.

He saw his wife had still been asleep and he had erased the note that had been left for her, tucked the pads in his underwear drawer and curled back up against his wife.

[Bridge - 4 hours later]

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and handed the bridge over to him stating she was going to go to her ready room.

Tom turned around and made eye contact with Chakotay and decided that he had to convince him to make peace for his family if not for himself.

He nodded, "Tuvok you have the bridge."

Tuvok nodded; and off Chakotay went to the ready room to try and make peace with his wife and get his family back.

"Come." He heard from the other side of the door and walked in to see Kathryn sitting behind her desk working on reports. "Have you had anything to eat Captain?"

Kathryn shook her head, "I have a lot of work to do: No time."

Chakotay tilted his head, "Come on, I'll buy you breakfast."

0

She looked up and their eyes met, Chakotay almost forgetting about the hardships of the past almost three months. He felt as if those months were almost non-existent.

He walked up to her and placed his lips gently on hers. She had tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry Chakotay."

He shook his head, "Sorry about what?"

She looked at him embarrassed and shocked out of her current state of unassuredness. "I should have told you sooner."

He looked at her confused, "Told me what?"

She grabbed his hand and placed it against the obvious bump of her stomach. Chakotay's jaw dropped. "Is it mine this time?"

Kathryn looked at her husband incredulous and slapped him. "Of course it's yours. How dare you?"

"Well you never know after the last time."

Kathryn glared at him, "It's yours, and if you don't want anything to do with him, then I'll stay in the quarters where I am now."

She walked out of the ready room leaving a totally shocked Commander in her wake.

Tom watched the Captain walk out of the ready room and look at him. She knew that he was part of her past, but he still knew her better than most.

She pulled her eyes away from his and went to sit in her command chair.

Before Tom had a chance to react, Kathryn doubled over in pain and fainted.

Tom rushed over to the Captain, "Paris to sickbay emergency transport for myself and Captain Janeway to sickbay."

Tom and the Captain disappeared in a shimmer of blue light that appeared almost white to Chakotay and he saw the image of an angel and her guardian watching over her before he rushed to the turbolift and made his way to sickbay himself.

[Hallway]

Chakotay was running down the hall when he all but bumped into Seven of Nine. "Commander, is there an emergency aboard ship?"

"I don't have time for this now Seven."

He pushed her out of his way an continued on his journey.

[Sickbay]

Kathryn lay unconscious on the biobed with the doctor and Tom working over her. He saw the haste in the way they worked, and knew at that moment that he had to see her and the child through. He loved them both too much.

The doctor turned to the Commander, "We need to work on her, we'll call you when she's out of the woods."

Chakotay nodded and walked out of sickbay.

[Janeway Quarters]

Chakotay walked into their quarters, after today she would move back in he had decided. He slapped his combadge, "Chakotay to Torres."

"Torres here what can I do for you Chakotay?"

He paused, "Can you go to my former quarters and meet me there, I need to talk to you and I need your help moving Kathryn's stuff back to our quarters."

B'Elanna turned engineering over to Vorik and walked out of engineering heading towards the Janeway Quarters.

She walked into the quarters and looked around. The quarters were still very much Chakotay and if she really looked around she didn't see much of Kathryn in it at all.

There were no children's toys around which surprised B'Elanna, had she really been without her children for six weeks?

B'Elanna shook her head and all she could think was without Miral she would feel lost.

She sighed and picked up Kathryn's clothes and began folding them and putting them in boxes.

B'Elanna walked up to a picture on the end table, it was of her two daughters it looked like it was taken just weeks or maybe even days before she had left them to Chakotay.

Chakotay walked into the quarters and saw B'Elanna gathering the meagre belongings that Kathryn had brought here.

He was touched to see that she had taken some pictures of the girls with her and he had to think that the callousness that she had shown in the last weeks was nothing more than Kathryn's defences going up.

The room smelled like Kathryn and he couldn't help but notice the scent of Jasmine in the air.

He had to get her back.

[Hallway Voyager]

Jennica was running, she appeared to be no older than 18, then she was running down the corridor of a Borg Vessel.

Seven was running down the corridor, the Borg were after her. "You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Your distinctiveness will be added to our own."

Jennica ran she ran down the halls, her mother was nowhere to be found, her father reached out to her as the veins of the Borg ran down his face. Admiral Paris was no more "Jennica: Run!"

And she ran, and she tried to escape the Borg, and soon Jennica was no more and Seven of Nine was born.

Then her eyes opened with a start and she was back on Captain Janeway's ship, in the Cargo Bay.

[Sickbay]

Chakotay sat beside Kathryn's bed. He slipped her hand in his. He sat beside her, the doctor had yet to tell him anything about her condition and he worried.

He had asked Sam to watch the children while he was waiting with Kathryn, she had said yes, and he had left immediately.

He needed Kathryn to be okay, she still looked like she was pregnant and he hoped that their third child was okay.

He sighed and went about watching his wife.

Jennica walked into sickbay and Chakotay felt an immense hatred for the woman who was – whether he liked it or not – his step daughter.

He watched Seven walk up to the doctor: "It's happened three times now in different locations, at different times of the day. I experience a series of disjointed images in my mind."

"Can you be more specific? Were these hallucinations?"

Jennica stared at the doctor unsure, "I don't know. I've never hallucinated. It's as if I were aboard a Borg vessel, but I was frightened. I felt fear. Each experience is similar. I'm being pursued by the Borg. They want to assimilate me. I'm running from them, and then, each time I see a bird."

Chakotay listened to the conversation from the other side of sickbay, "A bird?"

Seven turned around and looked at the man who was married to her mother, not realizing until now that he was even there. "Yes. A large black bird, flying toward me, shrieking, attacking me."

"Hmmm. Your hippocampus is in a state of agitation."

"What does that mean?"

The EMH looked at Jennica, not sure what to say to her but deciding that the honest truth and the medical truth needed to be exposed, "As your human physiology continues to reassert itself, psychological symptoms are bound to manifest in a variety of ways, through dreams, hallucinations, hypnogogic regression."

"Hypnogogic regression?"

"Flashbacks. You could be experiencing some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder."

Chakotay stared once more at his wife and then at his step daughter and walked out of sickbay.

Then on the third day Kathryn's eyes fluttered open and Chakotay was there to see it.

"Doctor! She's waking up."

The doctor rushed over and Kathryn put her hand to her head, "What happened?"

Chakotay stepped in, "You were on the bridge, and you doubled over in pain and Tom beamed you here."

"The baby, how's the baby."

Chaotay smiled, "The baby is fine."

Kathryn put her hands on her abdomen and felt the baby bump. "I guess we're going to be parents again Chakotay."

He smiled, "Looks that way Kat, and it makes me so happy."

She went to stand up and the doctor came over, "I need you to take it easy Captain. I want to keep you in sickbay for at least another two days."

Kathryn glared at the doctor, "I need to be on the bridge Doctor; I can't be out of commission for another two days."

The doctor looked at the Captain, "Captain if you want this baby to arrive in good health you're going to have to start taking it easier. This was a scare Captain, but next time you might not be so lucky."

Kathryn sighed and looked to Chakotay for support, "You have to take it easy Kat. That baby is our last chance."

Kathryn backed down and nodded. "Fine, but if you want more children you're carrying them."

Chakotay laughed, "You know I would if I could."

They both turned at the doors to sickbay opening and Jennica walking in. "Seven."

Kathryn stared at the woman, "Are you feeling better Seven? I heard you were beginning to have a few traumatic moments making themselves known."

Seven raised what would have been an eyebrow if she didn't have an implant above it. "I'm fine Captain, but I do not enjoy this sensation. Something is happening to me and I don't know what it is. It's as though I'm being driven somehow."

Chakotay stared at his wife "Our guests have arrived. They're being escorted to the Briefing Room. The Representative from the B'omar has arrived. Tuvok is setting him up in the briefing room right now; I'll take care of it and tell them that you are unavailable because of medical reasons."

Janeway looked at Jennica, "I've been trying to negotiate passage through their space but so far they've been difficult to deal with. I hope they've had a change of heart."

"I'll stay here and wait for the Doctor's instructions."

"You and me both Seven; the doctor has decided that I need to stay in sickbay for another couple of days."

"For what purpose Captain?"

She realized that Seven along with most of the rest of the crew were as yet unaware of her condition; she turned to Chakotay asking if it was okay to divulge their secret. At Chakotay's nod, she opened her mouth, "I'm pregnant Seven, and we have to make sure the baby is going to be okay."

Jennica stared at her, "So this will be my half-brother or half-sister?"

At Janeway's nod Jennica stared at her suspiciously, "And unlike me you decided to keep this child."

"Seven, that's not fair."

"If you had never given me to Admiral Paris, I might have grown up with you and not with the Borg."

Kathryn stared at her, until now not really thinking about what she might have thought about her giving Jennica up. "I was young, and I thought that Owen would have provided a better environment for you."

"Apparently you were in error Captain."

Kathryn sighed and decided now was the time to take the initiative about her 'adoption' about the Borg and about her current predicament, "We'll help you through this, Seven. You'll be all right."

[2 Days later – Janeway Quarters]

"I spoke with the B'omar, they told me they were plotting a course for us. Tomorrow we'll meet with them and the senior staff and view the course Kathryn: Hopefully it'll work out."

Kathryn walked up to the crib and picked up Haley. "I'm sure it will be okay. Seven's been acting rather strangely lately."

Chakotay shook his head, "She won't talk to me; will she talk to you?"

"I haven't heard anything aside from the information from the Doctor telling me she's having strange hallucinations about a bird: I'm not sure what that's all about."

Chakotay shrugged, "I have no idea, but I'm sure it will all come out in the next little while."

Kathryn finished feeding Haley and put her against her shoulder to burp her. "I missed my girls Chakotay."

"I know." Chakotay heard a burp and saw the child's eyes slowly becoming heavy. "Here let me take her."

Kathryn passed the baby to her husband. "I'm glad we worked everything out Chakotay."

He nodded, "Me too."

They checked on Taya who was sound asleep and cuddled up for a night of sleep. Chakotay's hand circled around Kathryn's waist to rest on her belly and Kathryn's hand joined his enjoying the feeling of being cocooned in love. "Soon we'll have another baby, and maybe finally you'll get your son Chakotay."

He smiled against her neck, "If all you ever give me is girls I'll be happy all the same."

They fell into an exhausted sleep.

[0900 the next morning – briefing room]

"Captain Janeway, nice that you took the time to see us."

Kathryn could feel the sarcasm dripping off of him. "Have you had a chance to consider our request?"

"Congratulations, Captain. Against our better judgment the B'omar Sovereignty has agreed to grant your vessel passage through our territory."

Kathryn bit her tongue, and kept 'her sarcastic comments' at bay. "On behalf of my crew, thank you. That will cut three months off our journey."

"However there are a few stipulations. Guidelines that you must adhere to."

"You'll have our complete co-operation."

Gauman looked at Janeway and had an air of superiority about him that Kathryn was leery of. "We expect nothing less. While in our space, your vessel will not exceed warp three, and your weapons systems will remain off-line. You will avoid unnecessary scans and you will not conduct surveys of any kind. You will make no attempt to explore our space and you will avoid all communications with non-military craft."

Dumah looked at the Captain, "We've also plotted the course your vessel is to follow."

Tom stared at the course, zig-zagging everywhere. "It'll take us weeks to follow that course."

Chakotay joined in the conversation seeing exactly what Tom was talking about, "If not months."

Dumah smugly looked at the Commander and then at the Captain, "We've designed this course so your ship would avoid our populated systems and industrial areas. Deviation is not recommended."

Gauman joined in irking Janeway even further. She wasn't sure if it was hormones that were making her more irritable or if that man was just annoying, but it was getting to her, "There are a total of seventeen checkpoints where you will submit your vessel for inspection."

Kathryn bit her tongue and turned to the annoying man in front of her, "Chancellor Gauman, if I may interrupt? I appreciate your efforts in plotting this flight plan, but if we could, I'd like to negotiate a course that's a little more direct."

Chakotay stared at the course and pointed at the map, "What about this course? It's a marginal adjustment. The nearest populated system is more than three light years away."

"Definitely not. You'd pass directly through the Agrat-mot Nebula. A key resource in our trade negotiations with the Nassordin."

Tom was getting excited at finally putting his piloting skills to good use, "I could chart the nebula, try to avoid any –"

Dumah got closer to Kathryn, invading her personal space and making her uncomfortable. The Captain's hand landed on her belly in a protective measure as the man almost yelled at her, "No, no, no! Are your translators malfunctioning?"

Kathryn heard a comm. call and stepped back from the man, it was Tuvok hailing from the bridge. "Captain Janeway to the Bridge."

Kathryn was glad to finally have an excuse to get out of the briefing room. She turned to Dumah and Gauman "If you'll excuse me."

[Bridge]

Kathryn entered the bridge the B'omar and Chakotay in tow. She sighed, "Report."

Tuvok answered promptly. "I've received an alert from Security. Seven of Nine attacked Neelix in the Mess Hall and three other crewmen on deck two."

"Janeway to Seven of Nine. Jennica, if you can hear me? What are you doing? Respond."

Chakotay looked at his wife then took the initiative and faced Tuvok, "What's her location?"

"Deck six, section twenty eight alpha."

Gauman, got in Janeway's face with questions she couldn't and preferred not to answer, "Captain, what is happening here?"

"I wish I knew, Chancellor."

She turned to Chakotay, "Chakotay, seal off deck six."

[Hallway]

Jennica was hurrying down the hallway phaser in hand. She heard the Borg calling to her: "Seven of Nine Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One: You will be assimiltated."

Jennica come home.

She ran some more, there was a need to get where she needed to. It had nothing to do with the hatred and loathing she felt for her biological parents, or her 'step-father' it was a primal urge, and incessant need.

[Bridge]

Kathryn looked around unsure what to do: she heard a hail from a security officer almost sounding scared. "Security to the Bridge. We've just seen Seven of Nine. Her Borg shields are fully operational and they've adapted to our phasers."

Janeway let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "Acknowledged. Bridge to all security personnel. Configure your weapons to a rotating modulation, but keep them on stun."

The Chancellor looked at Janeway incredulous. "Borg. You have Borg on your ship."

Kathryn hated feeling as if she had to justify everything, but as Captain she did. "It's not what you think. She is a member of my crew. We liberated her from the Collective. She's no longer a Borg."

"Then why is she equipped with Borg shields?"

"I don't know."

Chakotay was unsure but he saw that Kathryn was beginning to lose her cool. "She's able to cross through the security fields. She's entering the armoury on deck six."

Janeway looked to her chief of security a certain amount of desperation in her eyes. "Tuvok, track her and see if you can stop her."

Tuvok rushed off the bridge and headed to the spot where Seven was currently accessing weapons.

Ten minutes later Kathryn heard Tuvok's hail, "Tuvok to Bridge. We were unsuccessful. I have wounded. She's moving toward junction thirty-two alpha.

[Bridge]

"The Shuttle Bay." Kathryn stared at Chakotay with fright in her eyes, "I'm going to lose her again."

Chakotay tried vainly to stop her, "I'm erecting a forcefield Harry, reroute all available power to deck ten!"

Harry tapped the controls and stated. "Done." A few seconds later he stated bluntly, "She's accessing transporter control!"

"She used a site to site transport. She's in a shuttlecraft, powering engines."

Kathryn was panicking, she was going to lose her daughter again, "Seal the launch doors." There was no effect and Kathryn screamed, "Tractor beam! Stop her."

Chakotay was looking at his wife who was losing everything it seemed in one shot. "No effect. She's remodulated the shuttle's shield harmonics."

Kim shook his head, "Captain, Seven's headed directly into B'omar space. She's gone to warp."

Tom turned and looked at his former love, it seemed like so long ago, "She's masked the shuttle's ion trail. I've lost her signal. She's gone."

[Ready Room]

The B'omar were after Jennica, Kathryn had to get her back but how. How would she find her? Where was she going?

She sat in her ready room, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Why did she all of a sudden begin to re-develop Borg traits?

She shook her head and let her head fall in her hands: The door chimed and she called for entrance. Chakotay walked in and looked at the broken woman in front of him. "Maybe this was inevitable. Even if Seven did want to stay on Voyager her Borg nature may have won out. We can remove implant after implant, but, maybe at her core, she'll always be part of the Collective."

Kathryn stared at her husband, "No. I won't accept that."

He shook his head, "Maybe you're going to have to, maybe she won't give you a choice."

Janeway looked at him, "I told you I won't accept that, I just got her back and I'll be damned if the Borg are going to take her away from me again."

The doctor comm'ed them, "Doctor to Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway can you please make your way down to sickbay I have something I need to show you."

"We'll be right there doctor."

Kathryn stood up and stretched, exposing the growing expanse of her belly and making it show more than she probably intended to.

Chakotay walked up behind her, "You're going to have to tell them all soon."

Kathryn sighed, "I know, but not yet. I think that me telling Jennica may have pushed her over the edge."

He wrapped his arms around her, "Not everything is your fault Kathryn. I've said it before and I'll say it again: maybe not everyone can be saved."

Kathryn pushed his hands off of her stomach, "We're on duty Chakotay, and we have to go to sickbay."

The couple walked out of the ready room and made their way to the turbolift. Kathryn walked into the turbolift along with her husband, "Deck five. She was responding to us, interacting with people outside the Collective for the first time. She was adapting to this environment and to this crew. But where is she going? We've scanned space for a distance of forty light years. We've found no evidence of Borg ships so she can't be trying to rejoin the Collective."

"I love you Kathryn, and I love the way you care for each and every one of the crew, including former 'Borg Drones' but sometimes you don't know when to step back and maybe this is one of those times you have to look at this as an outsider not as her mother."

She looked at her husband, "You know I can't separate that from the Captain any more than I can separate anything else from the Captain: You know that."

"She may plan to take the shuttle back to Borg space: She may be gone for good Kathryn."

She shook her head as she tried to figure out what the hell she was doing, "Ten thousand light years from here? I don't think so. No, something else going on. We're missing a piece of the puzzle."

Chakotay decided now was not the time to appeal to Kathryn his wife or Kathryn Jennica's mother, the Captain needed her Commander right now so his demeanour changed, "In the meantime, the B'omar intend to find her. And if they do, she'll probably resist them. "

"One more reason for us to find her first."

[Sickbay]

Kathryn walked into sickbay with her husband; she stared at the doctor, "What have you found, Doctor?"

The doctor looked at the Captain: the mother of the woman who had come back to her an then left her once again. He knew that she blamed herself, and he knew that she needed something to take that blame from her. "Something most peculiar. This graphic represents the matter conversion data from Seven of Nine's last transport. If you'll notice, there's a high concentration of Borg organelles in the bone marrow and lymphatic tissue. The dormant nanoprobes in Seven of Nine's cells have reasserted themselves, taken over blood-cell production and they're growing new Borg implants. Thirteen percent of the Borg technology I removed three weeks ago has regenerated in a matter of hours."

Chakotay stared at the doctor, "You said the nanoprobes in her cells were dormant. What reactivated them?"

"I don't know, but I've developed a way to stop the process. This hypospray contains a genetic resequencing vector. It should neutralise the nanoprobes."

She stared at her husband and turned to the doctor, "That means someone needs to get close enough to do it: and that someone has to be me."

Kathryn walked briskly out of sickbay with Chakotay following close behind, "What the hell do you think you're doing."

Kathryn spun around and faced her husband, "What do you mean what the hell do you think I'm doing? I'm doing my job: I'm protecting my crew."

"You're not protecting your crew if you end up dead going on some suicide mission to save a daughter that it's possible may never have been able to have been saved."

Kathryn stopped in her tracks. She looked around at the corridor and the odd stares their two most senior officers were getting with their lover's quarrel. "I think we should take this somewhere more private. 'Our quarters'."

They arrived in their quarters and Kathryn turned around livid. "You have no right to talk to me that way: I'm the Captain."

"You're also my wife and you're like four months pregnant with our child, who has already given us a scare. I don't think it's a good idea that you go on a suicide mission to save a child that you had before us."

Kathryn glared at her husband. "She's still my child, and she's still a big part of me."

"And sometimes you have to let go."

"Not this time."

"So that's it then? I have no say in this."

"Not this time, this child has nothing to do with you. Jennica was my mistake and I'm going to take responsibility for her."

He walked up to her and placed a hand on her abdomen, "What about this child?"

She stared into his eyes, and placed a hand over his, "This child, is both of our responsibility; but it's still my body and I'm responsible for this baby so long as he's living in there."

Chakotay shook his head, "Then I guess the decision is made."

"I know it is; and I'd appreciate your support."

"You're the Captain, I'm the First Officer: I understand that, but I hope that it's not going to be the end of our last chance at parenthood." And he walked out of their quarters leaving Kathryn to stew over his words.

[Bridge]

Chakotay walked out onto the bridge and made his way to Tom's station. "Lieutenant, can I have a word with you in my office?"

Tom got a puzzled look on his face, "Yes, Sir."

They made their way to his office and Chakotay sat down behind the desk, Tom sitting across from him. "So what's this about Chakotay?"

Chakotay sighed, "I just spoke with Kathryn and she's insisting on going on this mission instead of Tuvok to get Seven, Jennica, whatever you want to call her back."

Tom nodded encouraging him to continue.

"You're going to be going with her, and I need to make sure that you keep her safe, her and the baby. After that scare - and I still haven't been told what that was all about, what exactly happened – I need to make sure they're both okay."

"You know I can't tell you: Doctor/Patient confidentiality."

"Does she know why?"

Tom nodded silently, "Yes, and I think you need to talk to her and not me."

Chakotay stood up and started pacing, "I need to know Tom, that's my wife and child; and if she insists on going on this crazy mission to save her first born, I need to know that she'll be okay."

Tom looked at him, "She'll be okay, I'll make sure of it, but you need to ask her if you want any medical information and not me."

Chakotay saw that Tom wouldn't budge on this, and realized it was probably part of the reason that he was a good medic and nodded. "Fine, just keep them safe Tom."

Tom nodded and left the office.

As he walked onto the bridge he saw Kathryn leaving the ready room. "Mr. Paris, you're with me."

[Paris' Shuttlecraft]

Kathryn stared at Tom. "Well it's been a while since we've had to worry about Jennica hasn't it?"

Tom put the shuttle on auto-pilot and turned around to look at Kathryn. "I promised your husband before we left that I'd take care of you. He wanted to know why you had that scare a couple of weeks ago, and I couldn't tell him because of doctor-patient confidentiality; but you need to tell him. It's his baby too."

Kathryn nodded, "I know, but even I'm not sure I totally understand why or how, or what." She paused collecting her thoughts, "Do you know how afraid I am of losing this baby too?" She placed her hands on her belly.

"I know, but he's your husband and he loves you and he needs to know Kathryn."

The shuttle beeped indicating they were close to Seven's location. "I'm detecting weapons signatures. Federation and B'omar. Five B'omar vessels are adrift, heavily damaged. Lifesigns are stable."

"I've located Seven's shuttle. It's two point five million kilometres from here."

Kathryn stared at Paris, "Adjust course to intercept," She paused looking at Jennica's father. "We have to find her."

"The implants in Seven's body are disrupting the transporter signal. I can't get a lock."

Kathryn played around with the controls, and finally turned to Paris, "See if you can remodulate our transporters to match her shields."

Tom was incredulous, "You can't be serious Kathryn, You want to beam in there?"

"Yes, Set my co-ordinates for the aft compartment."

"I told Chakotay that I'd take care of you and I'm not sure that you going on your own to take on Jennica: A former Borg Drone is really me doing my best to do that."

"I'm giving you an order as your Captain Lieutenant: I need to go and find her: Energise."

Paris watched his Captain, and the mother of the child who had come back to them disappeared. He said a little prayer that she would be okay, he'd made a promise to Chakotay that he would. He ran his fingers across the controls and made sure he kept the lock on her.

He needed to keep her safe, all of a sudden he felt weapons fire and knew the B'omar had found them.

"Come on, Kathryn, give me a sign."

He heard the computer give him the warning that they'd hit propulsion and it was offline. "Damn!"

[Seven's Shuttlecraft]

Kathryn materialized on the shuttle where her daughter sat at the controls. She tried to approach her and hit a forcfield almost sending her to the ground with the jolt she received.

Kathryn stood back up and put a hand on her belly and made sure the baby was still okay. She had yet to feel the baby move, but she knew he was there.

Jennica turned and looked at her mother. "It's a level five forcefield, Captain. I suggest you be more careful for you and the child you carry. I know this one you want unlike me, you never wanted me and neither did my father."

"That's not true Jennica, we never kept you because you had a much better chance at a much better life not being raised by two teenagers."

The Borg Drone stared at the Captain, cold hatred in her eyes, "I guess we'll never know will we 'Captain'? And I am Seven of Nine Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One: I am Borg. I ceased being Jennica Paris a long time ago."

"You said you needed to go back to the collective, what brought this on?

Jennica stared at her mother, "A homing beacon. I am following a signal. A Borg vessel is waiting for me."

"Jennica we've scanned this entire region for Borg. There aren't any."

"You're wrong. They are there and my designation is 'Seven of Nine'. Human. Species Five Six One Eight. Physiology inefficient, below average cranial capacity, minimal redundant systems, limited regenerative abilities. Your distinctiveness will be added to our –"

Kathryn backed off from where the woman was standing and decided to take another approach. "Seven?"

"No. I will not assimilate you. Once I return to the Collective, you will go back to Voyager and tell your husband and all the Voyager crew 'thank you' for their kindness."

Seven of Nine. Grid nine-two of subjunction twelve.

"I can hear them calling me. I'm frightened, but I need to go to them: I must rejoin the Collective."

Kathryn walked as close to the forcefield as she dared. "Take down the forcefield, allow me to come and help you out."

"No, I must re-join the collective they are waiting for me on the planet."

Kathryn had tears in her eyes, "Jennica, this is not what you want and there are no Borg on the planet."

Seven turned around from the controls, "Don't try to tell me what I do and do not want. You were never there for me as a child and you won't be there for me now. You have a life of your own already that does not include me."

Kathryn felt the hurt and pain radiating from this woman. "I love you and I have always loved you whether you believe it or not."

Seven lowered the forcefield and walked up to the Captain. "You are a liar and a hypocrite Captain, and I do not wish to be like you."

Kathryn drew in a quick breath and put her hands on her belly. "Oh, my god."

Seven stared at the woman in front of her, "Captain, are you damaged?"

With one swift movement Kathryn grabbed Jennica's hand and placed it on her belly. Seven felt the movement and realized it was the movements of her new 'half-brother' or 'half-sister'. Her eyes glazed over. "I have changed my mind, I would like to return to Voyager and protect this child no matter what."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow and looked at her daughter, "What caused this change of heart."

"I was assimilated and taken away from everything I knew, but I do not wish that for the Voyager crew or for my brothers and sisters."

Kathryn walked up and enveloped her in a hug which Seven stiffly accepted. "I want to be a part of your family now."

Kathryn nodded and hit her combadge to signal Tom to beam them up.

The two of them arrived on the shuttle and Tom stared at the Captain asking her if everything was okay now. Kathryn had a huge grin on her face, "I just felt the baby move for the first time Tom."

He laughed, "Yeah it makes it feel more real doesn't it."

Kathryn nodded, "It does."

Jennica opened up, "Do you think that the doctor can make it so that I don't get any more messages from the Borg when we get back to Voyager?"

Kathryn walked up to her and took her hand, "I hope so Jennica, I hope so."

[Bridge]

Chakotay paced the bridge hoping that his wife and his baby boy were okay. *Please let them be okay.*

Tuvok turned to Chakotay, "Commander we're getting a hail from the shuttle."

Tom answered, "I've got them, Commander. We're on our way to Voyager."

Chakotay let a breath go that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, "Acknowledged. Good work."

Harry piped up from behind him, "I'm detecting a fleet of B'omar vessels approaching. Sixty eight ships."

"Ensign, as soon as Tom's shuttle has docked, take us out of B'omar space. Warp eight."

"Aye sir."

Chakotay stared at Harry, "Looks like there won't be any shortcuts this time. I'll be in the ready room taking care of a few reports so the Captain doesn't have to take care of them when she gets back."

Harry nodded, "Aye sir."

Chakotay walked into Kathryn's ready room and waited for the shuttle to come home.

[Holodeck - Da Vinci's Workshop]

Kathryn walked into the holodeck. She had decided there was no reason hiding her condition from anyone anymore, it was getting obvious. She was wearing a flowered sundress, and it showed her condition in all it's glory.

"There you are. I wanted to tell you that the Doctor said he could adjust one of your implants so you won't receive any more homing signals."

Seven looked at Janeway and smiled, "Thank you. I hope you don't mind that I activated this program. And I have to say that you look quite different when you're not in your uniform Captain."

"Of course I don't mind that you activated my program, and thank you Seven."

"No problem, it does make me realize how important family is, and how important your children are to you."

Kathryn let a soft smile grace her features, "All my children Jennica including you."

Jennica nodded, "Perhaps."

"Hopefully someday you'll be able to forgive everyone for everything that's happened to you over the years and find someone to love you. Maybe you'll have children of your own some day."

"What does the doctor say Captain? One step at a time."

She nodded and approached Jennica to embrace her in a hug, "One step a time indeed."

END 'Life Circles'

TBC in 'Jennica's Story'


End file.
